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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to make a roast when my daughter asked me not to?

507 replies

TURTLE74 · 30/08/2026 23:19

Adult daughter 22 is not a fan of roast dinners. She asked me if I could not do a roast dinner today and make something else which I agreed to. However I had a chicken in freezer that needed using up today but I did make a pasta bake which is something she likes as an alternative. I like to make a family dinner on a Sunday for us all. Daughter was disappointed about the roast but I explained to her I had to use chicken up but I did make something she liked as alternative. She said to me you told me you wouldn’t make a roast and she looked upset. She didn’t go hungry though as she had Cottage Pie after saying there’s nothing to eat. AIBU to of made the roast even though there was pasta dish as alternative or was she being unreasonable here as I feel bad about it.

OP posts:
Blades2 · 31/08/2026 11:42

She’s 22. I have younger at home and if they didn’t like what’s being cooked they sort themselves something.
cut the apron strings you’re doing her absolutely no favours.

HouseBee · 31/08/2026 11:42

CustardySergeant · 31/08/2026 11:40

It wasn't even the best before date, it was the sell by date! Ludicrous.

That’s because it was just an EXCUSE.

The reason is in the OP. @TURTLE74 likes roast dinners. She probably does one every week.
I don’t think there’s anything else going on.

BunnyLake · 31/08/2026 11:44

Nocommentisacomment · 31/08/2026 11:38

Why on earth would you make a family dinner with two meals that you already know they don’t like? It just seems like such a waste of time, effort, and money.

Wouldn’t it make much more sense to cook something that everyone actually enjoys?

Well that happens if there are vegetarian/vegan/food intolerance family members all the time. It’s not that alien a concept. I don’t really like steak so if I made it for my family I would have an alternative.

Pinkchickenwine · 31/08/2026 11:45

HouseBee · 31/08/2026 11:40

A dictator for ASKING for something else 😂😂😂
A dictator for being disappointed for her mum to agree to one thing and then decides to go back on her word 😂😂
Oh and a dictator to ask fur somethimg else without asking for a specific thing 😂😂

You all have a pretty skewed idea of what a dictator is.

And then it’s apparently better to ask real people like posters on MN rather than AI. Yep such a neutral place with really valid views, grounded in reality.

At least, you’ve all made me laugh 😂😂

No she’s being a dictator for SAYING no one should have a roast! 🤣🤣🤣

Leave AI and use google to understand the meaning of the word dictator!

Again she ASKED for something else and she GOT something else!

But she didn’t want that either.

Ive used upper case letters, to make you understand, you clearly think it’s important to do that and makes a point more valid!

SlugJam · 31/08/2026 11:47

Why did you freeze it if you were going to use it before the use by date anyway?

BeardySchnauzer · 31/08/2026 11:48

Will no one think of the pasta bake 😱

Pinkchickenwine · 31/08/2026 11:49

Nocommentisacomment · 31/08/2026 11:38

Why on earth would you make a family dinner with two meals that you already know they don’t like? It just seems like such a waste of time, effort, and money.

Wouldn’t it make much more sense to cook something that everyone actually enjoys?

And honestly, why are people acting like we’re living through WWII rationing? As if having a preference about what you eat is some outrageous modern luxury and everyone needs to be grateful for whatever happens to be put in front of them.

Maybe that’s the reason?

Or maybe as OP said she had a chicken to use up, and doing a roast was good for her!

Maybe she bends over backwards to please everyone?

She was kind and thoughtful yet you are giving her a hard time? Why is that?

BunnyLake · 31/08/2026 11:51

HouseBee · 31/08/2026 11:42

That’s because it was just an EXCUSE.

The reason is in the OP. @TURTLE74 likes roast dinners. She probably does one every week.
I don’t think there’s anything else going on.

A parent doesn’t need to have an EXCUSE as you call it. DD is not a child, I’ve never heard of a 20 something who I am assuming is not ND, making such an almighty fuss over nothing.

MyMilchick · 31/08/2026 11:52

TURTLE74 · 30/08/2026 23:27

Cottage pie was from last night. I don’t like using chicken past it’s sell by date. She didn’t fancy the pasta bake.

She didn't fancy the roast or the pasta bake then she should bloody well make her own dinners! She's an adult acting like a baby

BunnyLake · 31/08/2026 11:53

BeardySchnauzer · 31/08/2026 11:48

Will no one think of the pasta bake 😱

Poor pasta bake, alone and unloved. 😢

Nocommentisacomment · 31/08/2026 11:55

BunnyLake · 31/08/2026 11:44

Well that happens if there are vegetarian/vegan/food intolerance family members all the time. It’s not that alien a concept. I don’t really like steak so if I made it for my family I would have an alternative.

But that’s not what’s going on here. OP makes roast every week, and DD doesn’t even like it. So why on earth would you keep making the exact same meal every week when you already know your own family doesn’t enjoy it?

I’m not English, so maybe I’m missing some sacred cultural law here, but apparently some people think that if you give up one roast dinner, next thing you know you’ll be living under a dictatorship where someone else decides what you’re allowed to eat.

HouseBee · 31/08/2026 11:55

BunnyLake · 31/08/2026 11:51

A parent doesn’t need to have an EXCUSE as you call it. DD is not a child, I’ve never heard of a 20 something who I am assuming is not ND, making such an almighty fuss over nothing.

The dd is an adukt. She is allowed to have references, likes agd dislikes. The fact YOU think it’s being fussy doesn’t make it so. The fact ‘most adults’ would have no issue with it doesn’t make it wrong to not like that dish.
im 😳😳🙄🙄 at how judge people are. And yet would have an issue to have to eat the same dish tgey dint like every week….

Time fir tge OP to stop thinking she is a parent who has the last word abd to treat her dd as the adult she is.

BunnyLake · 31/08/2026 11:56

Blades2 · 31/08/2026 11:42

She’s 22. I have younger at home and if they didn’t like what’s being cooked they sort themselves something.
cut the apron strings you’re doing her absolutely no favours.

Sounds like 22 yr old may have been too indulged over the years and this is what you end up with, a diva.

Pinkchickenwine · 31/08/2026 11:59

BeardySchnauzer · 31/08/2026 11:48

Will no one think of the pasta bake 😱

Best post yet!! 🤣🤣

BunnyLake · 31/08/2026 11:59

HouseBee · 31/08/2026 11:55

The dd is an adukt. She is allowed to have references, likes agd dislikes. The fact YOU think it’s being fussy doesn’t make it so. The fact ‘most adults’ would have no issue with it doesn’t make it wrong to not like that dish.
im 😳😳🙄🙄 at how judge people are. And yet would have an issue to have to eat the same dish tgey dint like every week….

Time fir tge OP to stop thinking she is a parent who has the last word abd to treat her dd as the adult she is.

How MANY TIMES do you have to be told NO-ONE was making her eat something she didn’t want. What are you NOT grasping?

Blades2 · 31/08/2026 12:01

BunnyLake · 31/08/2026 11:56

Sounds like 22 yr old may have been too indulged over the years and this is what you end up with, a diva.

Genuinely I think if I told my mum at 22 to not cook what she wanted to cook, in her own kitchen, in her own home, I’d probably be wearing the fucking pasta bake 😂😂😂

BunnyLake · 31/08/2026 12:02

Nocommentisacomment · 31/08/2026 11:55

But that’s not what’s going on here. OP makes roast every week, and DD doesn’t even like it. So why on earth would you keep making the exact same meal every week when you already know your own family doesn’t enjoy it?

I’m not English, so maybe I’m missing some sacred cultural law here, but apparently some people think that if you give up one roast dinner, next thing you know you’ll be living under a dictatorship where someone else decides what you’re allowed to eat.

I may have missed it but is the family only OP and her dd? Are there no other family members? Did everyone else not want it either?

peakyblenders · 31/08/2026 12:03

BunnyLake · 31/08/2026 11:59

How MANY TIMES do you have to be told NO-ONE was making her eat something she didn’t want. What are you NOT grasping?

I suspect that poster reads about as carefully as they type…

BeardySchnauzer · 31/08/2026 12:04

Blades2 · 31/08/2026 12:01

Genuinely I think if I told my mum at 22 to not cook what she wanted to cook, in her own kitchen, in her own home, I’d probably be wearing the fucking pasta bake 😂😂😂

Made specially for the purpose!!

of course preferences should be taken into account but OP isn’t the house cook. The DD is old enough to cook what she wants.

BunnyLake · 31/08/2026 12:04

peakyblenders · 31/08/2026 12:03

I suspect that poster reads about as carefully as they type…

Yes. I think you’re right.

BunnyLake · 31/08/2026 12:06

Blades2 · 31/08/2026 12:01

Genuinely I think if I told my mum at 22 to not cook what she wanted to cook, in her own kitchen, in her own home, I’d probably be wearing the fucking pasta bake 😂😂😂

Me too. 😂

BunnyLake · 31/08/2026 12:09

HouseBee · 31/08/2026 11:55

The dd is an adukt. She is allowed to have references, likes agd dislikes. The fact YOU think it’s being fussy doesn’t make it so. The fact ‘most adults’ would have no issue with it doesn’t make it wrong to not like that dish.
im 😳😳🙄🙄 at how judge people are. And yet would have an issue to have to eat the same dish tgey dint like every week….

Time fir tge OP to stop thinking she is a parent who has the last word abd to treat her dd as the adult she is.

Then why isn’t DD behaving like an adult. If OP hadn’t stated her age I would have guessed her at about 6 or 7 having a tantrum.

Pinkchickenwine · 31/08/2026 12:11

BunnyLake · 31/08/2026 12:02

I may have missed it but is the family only OP and her dd? Are there no other family members? Did everyone else not want it either?

I’d assume not just DD and OP as she said

but I did make a pasta bake which is something she likes as an alternative. I like to make a family dinner on a Sunday for us all.

But obviously some posters don’t let the facts change their view!

MissMappsGardenProduce · 31/08/2026 12:11

Cherrytree86 · 31/08/2026 11:10

@Kittyninja267

i know right… when OP is all alone in a nursing home she’ll only have herself to blame!

Is it transactional then?

Do what I want when I want, otherwise I won't be around when you are older.

If that's the basis, she could fuck off to the far side of fuck and stay there-with a heart like that, the "love" won't be worth having.

As an aside, you do know that old people's homes are full of mothers who loved their children and-in one case that I have intimate knowledge of- allowed them to rule the roost, putting her own needs on the back boiler, financially, socially and emotionally, when that child was a mature adult.

Now, she's in a care home with Alzeimers and has been for three years. How many visits has she had from the adored daughter? 2.

Posters will know of similar examples from their own lives.

So, if you think kissing the arse of your adult children, bowing down before them will bring you love in your old age then I am very sorry to have to disabuse you of that fact.

Nocommentisacomment · 31/08/2026 12:12

BunnyLake · 31/08/2026 12:06

Me too. 😂

So you’re not allowed to have preferences and just have to eat whatever you’re given?

I guess the UK’s rates of eating disorders and obesity suddenly make a bit more sense.