AIBU to make a roast when my daughter asked me not to?

She actually said ‘use by’ date in an update, so it appears she doesn’t understand what a freezer is for. Baffling.

A Menu!

Good Lord. Do people have menus in their own homes?

Maybe you are very rich and have a private chef. That said, I suppose the OP did have a menu-with an option of three hot meals.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I dish up supper. Take it or leave it.

Yes I think at the very start OP should have said ' no, I like a roast on a Sunday and there's ca chicken I need to cook before the use by date. You can cook next week or whatever'. Especially if there was a chicken in the fridge (If OP deliberately defrosted an entire chicken immediately after telling her DD she wasn't going to do it that would be weird and PA!).

The chicken didn't have to be roasted, it could have been cut up and casseroled. Or roasted and served as a bunch of different stuff, didn't have to be a roast dinner.

I don't understand how it was defrosted in time to roast. I thought if you cooked it frozen the centre would be undercooked or the outside overcooked.

I think I've got stuff in my freezer that probably qualify as family heirlooms.

Sprog was definitely being unreasonable.

I can't vote because you are both weird.

Well, no one went hungry so that's the main thing.

So what did she think was going to be cooked if not a roast?

I think I'm in a minority in not liking pasta bake!

You know what most people will tell you. Tell her to make her own dinner!

Most sensible comment here. No idea what is entitled about requesting "not a roast" and how bratty it is to be disappointed and let down when an agreement was broken

Don’t feel guilty Op. Hope this doesn’t sound harsh but your dd is extremely lucky to have a home, food on the table, a mum who cooks for her, and a choice of three dishes. You are not her private chef, She needs to understand that. 💐

You aren't. I don't like pasta in any form either! But then I don't like cottage pie either and I'm a bit so-so about roasts. However, I am an adult and live alone and cook for myself so I never have to worry about the foods I don't like! (I will eat all of these things if someone else has invited me to dinner and puts them in front of me - I'm not a monster!)

If you agreed to it, then I think you should have let her know that things have changed, just out of courtesy.
I'd do that if I was changing the meal after talking with dh, and he would for me.
So I'd say you weren't wrong for making a roast, but you were wrong for not letting her know that you'd looked at the date and were going to need to use the chicken.

One of my dc loves roast, one is indifferent, and one totally dislikes them. In fact if it's a roast, he'll normally just eat the veg.

An agreement was broken🤣🤣🤣❤️

The bratty DD didn’t get a roast, she got pasta bake, which she still wasn’t happy with.

When people start dictating to me what I eat in my own home, hell will freeze over!

Fuck me, what next? Don’t do any washing today mum, don’t vacuum today!

She’s 22! She lives with you and you are doing the meal planning and cooking. She should be grateful. There are many young people who are hungry. You even made her an alternative meal. Stop letting her manipulate you. You sound like a wonderful loving mother and it’s not fair for her to treat you like this.

My DD is 20 and very fussy (she did request a roast dinner yday and I obliged)
We do sometimes eat food she doesnt like because we dont want to be restricted to the limited (and somewhat boring) meals she does like.
This doesnt mean I dont take her likes and dislikes into account, in fact when food shopping i probably have more requests from her than anyone else. But that now she is an adult there might be occassions where she doesnt like the meal being cooked and may have to make her own arrangements. Similarly my family like fish and chips, I dont. I would never prevent them having fish and chips, and would just make my own meal!
(And I dont think this is in any way un-loving, or unusual!)

Frozen or chilled chicken aside as that’s not really relevant (though confusing and interesting in spade loads) if the OP is making a roast she’s making a roast and shouldn’t be dictated to by others! I’m at mums 3 nights for tea and I eat what she’s making or I sort myself! I certainly don’t throw a strop and expect her to make me something else!!

That's a complete overstretch.
Has nobody ever asked you what you like to eat?
I'm so thankful I have grown up in a family that alternated meals so we all got something we liked and none of us are brats or entitled.

I assume you never have people over for food. It would require generosity, thoughtfulness, and actually caring about someone other than yourself. Enjoy your lonely dinner.
Some of us may be stupid enough to care about people, but clearly you’re far too superior for that.

This is bonkers.

Your dd is clearly old enough to make her own dinner and shouldn’t be ungrateful BUT you did say you wouldn’t make a roast. If that was me and I got to the table and realised there was a full roast and something different for me I’d probably be a bit upset too - but more because I’d feel guilty that you’d made two full meals, highlighted the fact that I’m a massive brat, and I’d then have to sit and eat something different feeling like shite. If you said you were still going to make a roast but would put something different in the oven for her, or she could make herself something else, would she have been ok with that? I’d say it’s the fact you said you wouldn’t - it looks like you lied about that (you must have always intended to do the roast anyway as you somehow defrosted it in time) and have made her feel guilty in a very visible way. We don’t know the conversation though - if she was a complete brat when asking you then she should feel guilty!

i don’t think either of you have covered yourselves in glory here tbh. Can’t help think though that if you’re making such a big deal out of one dinner, and clearly don’t understand the concept of freezing food or making something other than a roast with a chicken, I’m not surprised if your daughter isn’t the most mature 22 year old.

I entertain endlessly, but only for decent people who don’t dictate to me what I cook and eat!

I mean if they’re coeliac and I choose to make a non gluten free meal for others and gluten free for them, I don’t expect them to tell me what I eat! if i eat a calorie laden desert and offer a low cal fruit option if they’re watching calories, I don’t expect them to ban me from eating my chocolate mousse!

I don’t expect you get invited many places, because you dictate not what you want to eat, but what everyone should eat as well! Are you always that bossy?

I voted YABU because you agreed you wouldn't make a roast. Even if the chicken did need to be used, there are a lot more things you could have done with it than a roast dinner.

This is insane. Why bother freezing it then?

please explain why making a separate meal for bratty DD was not good enough? Was she offended by others eating a roast? Dud it cause her stress and anxiety because they had roast chicken? I mean come on! Poor little poppet doesn’t want a separate dinner for her? She wants all the family to bend to her requirements! She’s lucky she wasn’t told no, it’s roast today because I want to use the chicken!

Why would you let an entitled 22 year old tell you what to eat?

Do you know that sell by and use by dates for fresh chicken are based on storage in a fridge and if you freeze them before those dates you can ignore those dates? A whole frozen chicken will last for up to a year in a freezer and smaller pieces like breast, wings leg will last up to nine months. If you're going to eat it by the sell by date regardless then you may as well keep it in the fridge. I think your daughter is old enough that if she wants something specific for dinner she could take over the cooking, but YABU to tell her you would not do a roast, but did one anyway.

<side eyes chicken dated 17 June 2025 in my freezer>