AIBU not to pay for my sister’s younger children’s hobbies?

They are 3 and 4 so they won't be particularly aware of the things that their much older siblings did.

This is a different situation and she has a new partner. She needs to cut her cloth accordingly. Many people can't afford to pay for extra curricular activities for their children.

Why is it the aunt's responsibility to make sure they have the same - and not the parent's 🤔?

As the younger two have 2 parents and the OP's sister is not a single mother anymore

Hell no..... Just...NO !!!!! It's not your responsibility to pay for your sister's choices. She chose to have not one more child, but 2!! Then she can pay for them. She's not a single mother this time. No explanation needed from you.... Just a simple "No, I'm not paying this time". And don't you dare feel guilty or be guilted into it. It infuriates me that just because someone has more (hard earned) money, others think they're entitled to a share of it. NO..NO..NO !!!!!

This is the problem when you share your good fortune with others; it will never be a temporary or one-off thing. It will become expected and it will eventually fracture the relationships.

They may be family but the circumstances are completely different. OP's children and her sister's children were around the same age so her sister's children knew about the hobbies that their cousins were doing and, understandably, wanted to join in. OP was very generous is paying for them to do these hobbies with their cousins until they all lost interest. I presume that these hobbies weren't cheap.

These children are now young adults so I doubt that OP's sister's young children even know about the hobbies their half-siblings and cousin did. This is being driven by OP's sister, backed up by her mum.

This is sheer entitlement on the part of OP's sister and mum, particularly as neither of them has suggested that they make any contribution to the cost of these hobbies.

Yes, but the circumstance which led you to pay the first time don't apply any more. She isn't a lone parent, she now has a partner and an adult working dc.

If your mum's so keen on the idea, let her pay.

No, that’s a totally insane expectation. “You’d paid for this for one child and now are committed, regardless of circumstance, to pay for it for however many children I may have”.

I find the rationale her and your mum are using completely absurd.

How much are we talking about? How many hobbies? If it is several different hobbies that are going to come in at many hundreds pounds a month then absolutely no.

So, if your sister should have another child, you would be expected to also pay for their future hobbies, activities ?

Also she is no longer a single parent and chose to have more children she knew that she wouldn’t be able to afford to do such things with-that’s on her, not you. The reasoning for funding the older ones is not there any more.

it is always so easy to spend other people’s money. I would say ‘we budgeted for A and B so the cousins could all do something together. We didn’t budget for C and D which is why we didn’t offer this time.’.

unless you are the Beckhams or similar. Even on a really good income, promising to finance a hobby for 2 children for years on end is a big ask. I assume it’s something that if they ended up being quite good costs could skyrocket in terms of equipment, competitions etc. This could pretty much apply to any sport, music, dance etc

Even on a parent level, if you decide to have more children, you need to consider whether you have the resources to provide the same things for your younger children as you did for your older children, and the answer may be that you can't.

If she can choose to have more children, not just one but two (!!), she can afford their hobbies. That said, no 3 or 4 year old needs hobbies. 🤷🏻‍♀️ We are well off and mine were not going to any sort of paid activities at that age. From maybe 6/7/8, yes. At preschool age, we just did fun things as a family, a lot of which were essentially free.

YANBU but I wouldn't punish the kids for it. They're your family. Remember they will grow up one day knowing what you did for them. It must have been hard for your sister to ask. Or not, who knows.

I'd have a chat with your sister though about ensuring there are no secrets and making sure their kids know who is paying. Why? It's important for relationships that credit is given where its due so resentment doesn't creep in. It might also motivate your sister to look into ways to sacrifice so they can afford to contribute more.

In fact, I would ask them what they can afford and to contribute that.

It’s not punishing other people’s kids by not paying for their activities

You paid because your children were doing the same hobby and your sister was a single Mum at the time.

She's gone on to have 2 more children with a different person, and they are both earning.

No, it's not reasonable on any level for your sister to expect you to pay for her younger children.

The difference here is, you no longer have children doing the same hobby and your sister is no longer a single Mum. The circumstances aren't the same.

Quite frankly your sister is a cheeky mare and your Mum is just as bad. You might be better off, but that doesn't give your extended family a right to a share of your families hard earned money!

Do people really fund their nieces' and nephews' hobbies IRL as some on this thread are suggesting? I've never heard of this before. Emergencies such as a month's rent so they don't get kicked.out of their house, or for essential school items, sure. But hobbies?

She is a rude entitled CF. Of course you shouldn't pay. The current situation is entirely different.

It’s absolutely outrageous that she’s asking you and I don’t think you have any obligation to pay. It’s up to the parents to ensure their children are treated equally. Your kindness in wanting cousins to be treated equally at the time when they were the same age doesn’t really extend beyond when your children were young. Is her expectation that you pay for the same number of years as you did for the older ones? What if her kids want to continue beyond 13? Who pays then?

For me, whether I would pay I think would depends a bit on what the hobby is. Swimming is a life saving skill. Beavers/Rainbows, really useful skills learned. Music, I might pay for a few years at the appropriate age (which is not 3 and 4!).

Horse riding or skiing - I wouldn’t. Not because they don’t have value, but because they are expensive hobbies and don’t fall under essential skills for me.

It’s not about “treating all the children the same” bc the situation is NOT the same. You paid for her children to accompany your children when doing the hobby while she was a single parent. She is no longer a single parent and your children are no longer doing the hobby. She’s got a bloody cheek even asking you in the first place.

Her older two children didn’t grow up with two parents in their home, so the younger two are already having a different childhood experience to their siblings. Circumstances change. It’s not possible to treat all siblings identically. Your sister is being greedy, demanding, entitled and outrageously audacious. Your money and financial situation is absolutely none of her business. You could be a multimillionaire and she still wouldn’t have any right to make such demands of you. The youngest have two parents who could pay for this hobby, yet they won’t have considered it bc your sister feels entitled to your wages. CF!

I’m a generous person but not when people take the piss and that’s what she’s doing. They’re guilting you into footing the bill for something you shouldn’t at all consider footing the bill for. She chose to have two more children, it’s on her to pay for the hobby if she wants her youngest to partake. She and her partner need to work this out themselves! Stand firm, who knows where her greed and entitlement will end.

I disagree where families are concerned. Where has the family mindset gone? Never mind communities at this point. Your actual flesh and blood - the people you spend holidays with. What is wrong with helping them? People on here acting like it's a crime to want help from family.

This country is broken.

Stop now before you continue to be seen as a cash machine. It’s really not on your parents getting involved either- maybe they should be paying for the second lot of cousins as you were generous the first time round?

Maybe your children/ young adult will need financial help in the future but it looks like it will only be you putting your hand in your pocket and you need to save for that eventuality?

Where will this end OP? Will they expect you to pay for other more expensive hobbies as they get older? Don't listen to your partner or Mum and ignore any guilt tripping that will come your way, she's a cheeky fucker...

Is this hobbies plural?? We could be talking about a decade of paying here!! A total cheek her asking you to fund this. Obviously there's hobbies and hobbies so football subs would potentially be much cheaper vs gymnastics or dance etc. But still no.

PS To earlier post. You were also paying when she was a single mum and now there seems to be a partner who's stuck around for these two. Different circumstances.