Daughter left to get hotel in reading on last day of festival by my husband who can’t be arsed to pick her up. Says I am being hysterical that I don’t think that is the best answer.

YANBU - it's a PITA but I'd pick her up, or nag her Dad to if I couldn't on the basis that we've always told our kids (at that age or under) not to be scared to call at any time day or night if they need help. I'd rather my 17 yo be safe - I don't see a hotel working out. I assume you'll make it clear that you're not impressed and that in future they need a good plan that they stick to - just get her home.

16 and 12 why?

@BananaPeels out of curiosity, how old are your kids?

I would happily collect my child no matter what time, with or without short notice. Teens are impulsive, it wouldn't annoy me and tbh I'd rather they didn't stay a Sunday night at Reading festival! It's supposed to be carnage.

Just go and get her yourself, surely?

I’ve heard that a fair few tents in white camp at Reading have already been flattened / robbed by other campers. Hopefully OP is on her way. Camping at Reading sounds absolutely shite.

Anyone who claims young women aren’t at risk from assault - exacerbated at night with reduced visibility and fewer ration people around — is deluded.

A man trying to weaponise your concern by using it to belittle you — is abusive (imho).

I hope your daughter stays with her friends whatever they all decide to do.

You don’t know why the OP is nervous of driving though. She may have been in a horrendous crash recently.

I know this would have been all sorted now but grown women who drive can drive so if you wanted to go get her you go get her this I am just a little womman who cant do big people things so I need a man to do it for me is getting old,

and no I see nothing wrong in her getting a hotel, I would have called the hotel and checked as she is not 18 so may have paid and she could have paid me back (if i was in this situation)

Just go and get her OP. My DD is also there and coming back tonight. Luckily one of her friends dads is getting them but if not myself or DH would have gone no problem.

I'd pass the problem to "D"H and let him solve it his way, since he knows so much better than you - with the proviso that he now owns the problem and is responsible for seeing it through. He finds a suitable Reading hotel with rooms available tonight that confirms that they will let a 17yo check in on a prepaid reservation without having the booking card on hand, and he pays for it in advance, passes the information to your daughter, and makes sure she has the money for the security deposit and for a taxi if needed. If it turns out that this isn't possible, he goes and picks her up. It really doesn't matter what he imagines his girlfriend or any other woman would do so don't waste your time with any further conversation about this; let him get to work.

I think your DH is both naive in terms of his suggestion and risk it represents to your DD (I’m relatively local, Reading town centre not where Id want my daughter to be wandering around late at night trying to find a hotel), but also he’s a complete dick to let you go out alone in these circumstances. You and DD deserve better

Agree with this.

I went three times to Reading. I did Leeds once. I had friends and somewhere to stay in Leeds and it's only about an hour away. I still would rather do Reading. There's knobs but the knobs at Leeds were far worse.

As for leaving at 1am. Agree with the point about negotiating with her friends. She may really want to get off site earlier but doesn't feel able to due to friends. You don't know. It's not as easy as you think to just go early if you have friends to consider at 17.

I personally always tried to leave late Reading on the Sunday night not the Monday morning for good reason. (Doubly so if it was pissing it down and my car is parked in a field. You want to get off sooner rather than later for mud related reasons). I felt safer doing that and driving home to the NW than staying. I usually stopped for a couple of hours sleep at a service station on the way before anyone gives me crap for that.

At 17 I wouldn't chance the hotel because of the risk of refusal of entry. At 18 it's a bit different.

OPs husband is being a right dick. But the OP is making lame excuses here. She needs to just get on with it and go pick up if her husband won't.

Also, the affair.

Why was she allowed to go without a concrete plan on how to get back?

However, if it was an emergency I would go and get her myself - even if it meant going in a cab. Did you ask your DH to try and get a hotel for her? Just out of interest. What would he do if he was proven that was not an option? He is a bit of a shit dad, tbh.

A 17 year old can’t check into a hotel.

Not sure why the couple can’t drive - had it been me though I would have agreed an earlier pick up than 1am.

DH is a crap husband and father IMO but having him there presumably would solve the issue of pick up and allay OPs fears.

Can you update re dh as he is the issue here op. What kind of dh leaves their wife to drive out in the middle of the night with PTSD? That would make me seriously rethink my marriage.

Just to clarify, I would pick my children up from the ends of the earth if they needed me to, and also, your husband is a dick. I hope he had changed his mind and is going to get her!

I can see how it would be difficult for nervous drivers/with your ptsd situation (regardless of how it came about but assuming linked) as it was extremely busy and very dark and kids were everywhere, on the road etc.

Yep. This.

Reading and Leeds are really in a league of their own. The Mosh Pit is particularly horrendous. I can't imagine the conditions with so much rain. It is bad enough in good weather. It is edgy to say the least, and nothing like a lovely family friendly local festival. There are some adult gangsters prowling around too, and plenty of really very dangerous situation that happen every year.

But she is not an adult at 17 is she, isn't that the whole point.

@EnglishRose26 Yikes! Thanks for the explanation. Very different to all the festivals I’ve been too (all small!) Definitely not the sort of event I’d enjoy.

We just got the train home when went to Reading. If I'd asked my parents for a lift at 1am, well, I already knew the answer. If she can get a hotel - great. If left alone walking around in the middle of the night, no I'd have to go get her but I'd be pretty pissed off tbh that she wasn't adult enough to sort out getting home safe.

I’m so confused about this. My daughter planned for months and we are lift sharing with her friends’ parents.

I wouldn’t leave my daughter in a strange town (how the hell he expects her to just find a hotel, I don’t know).

Seems like a fuck up all round.

To be fair if it bothered you that much you could just have gone to pick her up yourself.