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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter left to get hotel in reading on last day of festival by my husband who can’t be arsed to pick her up. Says I am being hysterical that I don’t think that is the best answer.

259 replies

mylot · 30/08/2026 16:04

So dd 17 just casually told us she wants picking up from Reading festival with a few others at 1am. I was going to go but not super comfortable lone driving in the wee hours knowing I might be waiting around a bit in a car park somewhere (you know what they are like with answering phones) DH offered to go. Then having looked at the mass exodus traffic situation, he says he can’t be arsed and thinks booking her a hotel in the centre of town is a better idea. I said no, anyway, what about her mates. Regardless, she’d be wandering around on her own post festival in a strange town at 1am. He said I was being weird for having a problem with that, no one else would say that. I said ‘Um. I grew up as a woman…’ he said ‘ No other woman I know would ever say that to me.’ Bearing in mind he is in the middle of an emotional affair with someone 20 years younger at work. AIBU to think that some of you would rather go get her (it’s a hour) than have her abandoned in a strange town?

OP posts:
Treylime · 30/08/2026 16:08

It seems highly unlikely that there are rooms available in hotels in Central Reading tonight. Was the original.plan for her to camp tonight?

helpfulperson · 30/08/2026 16:08

To be honest that would have been my first solution. Its interesting that you say your daughter just told you she wanted picked up, not that she asked you if she could get a lift.

Keymoment · 30/08/2026 16:08

Well, what was the plan for her getting home after the festival? Was nothing pre-organised? I don’t think it’s reasonable for her to expect a lift for her and some mates at 1am unless it was pre-organised. I think in theory the idea of a hotel room for her is OK, but hotels often don’t tend to accept under-18s, and what about the friends? Most of this is on your DD.

ExtraOnions · 30/08/2026 16:09

If you / DH don’t go, how are the friends getting home.

Bit of a cheek expecting to be picked up at 1am - why not camp tonight and be collected tomorrow ?

Crunchymum · 30/08/2026 16:09

Sounds like you have much bigger problems than this.

However I'd not be impressed if this was just dumped on me at the eleventh hour.

What was DD's initially plans?

Chamomileteaplease · 30/08/2026 16:10

yes what was the original plan?

I wouldn't be at all happy about a spontaneous trip an hour away at 1am.

But I wouldn't be put off by waiting in a festival car park. More about my daughter's lack of planning.

AppleKatie · 30/08/2026 16:10

the way he talks to you is clearly not ok. I don’t really understand why you can’t get her though? Assuming your car doors lock it’s not dangerous for you to wait in a carpark?

BlumeUndTisch · 30/08/2026 16:11

She is 17? Can't be arsed? No no no.

DiscourteousDiana · 30/08/2026 16:12

I’d be pissed off with my DD for ‘casually’ telling me that she wants a lift at 1am and making her lack of organisation my problem!

Ablondiebutagoody · 30/08/2026 16:12

I wouldn't go to pick her and her friends up at 1am either. She can just stay until tomorrow morning if that was the original plan.

Original poster
mylot · 30/08/2026 16:12

Oh 100% cheeky of her. She was camping but was getting a lift back off another parent tonight - they are all going back tonight. I think what I was posting really, was wondering if my husband saying I was being hysterical for leaving her to make her own way to a hotel that we’d pay for was unreasonable.

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 30/08/2026 16:13

There won’t be hotel rooms available for love nor money.

how was she going to get home originally?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 30/08/2026 16:13

You both just need to say no and tell her to get her original lift back - you are both so unreasonable and she is very entitled

Original poster
mylot · 30/08/2026 16:13

helpfulperson · 30/08/2026 16:08

To be honest that would have been my first solution. Its interesting that you say your daughter just told you she wanted picked up, not that she asked you if she could get a lift.

No, she is asking pretty please not demanding.

OP posts:
MassiveOvaryaction · 30/08/2026 16:14

Why isn't she sticking to the original plan?

SewYellowLikeButter · 30/08/2026 16:14

I’d have gone and got her myself OP. You can hardly rely on a man you say is cheating on you. I find it weird that you complain about him not doing something you’re also not willing to do.

GordanoServices · 30/08/2026 16:15

Very poor planning by her. She should have made a firm plan with friends and stuck to it. Many hotels have a no under 18 staying alone policy.

TheJoyousHiker · 30/08/2026 16:16

I’d expect her to stay tonight and come home in the morning like the vast majority there. If she wants to be collected tonight, then I’d offer to pick her up at a more reasonable hour - 9pm.

RappelChoan · 30/08/2026 16:17

I would go and get her myself, I count myself lucky that I have a decent/easy to drive car, can afford the fuel and have no work tomorrow. I can understand it’s not necessarily as easy for everyone. But to me it’s a no brainer. It will be very busy so I would have no safety worries, it’s not like you are picking her up from a creepy abandoned niche place.

Treylime · 30/08/2026 16:17

Why isn't the other parent giving her a lift back as planned?

PurplebudsWhitebuds · 30/08/2026 16:18

knowing I might be waiting around a bit in a car park somewhere (you know what they are like with answering phones
So she wouldn't even bother answering her phone even though you had taken the trouble to drive to pick her up?
Why on earth do parents accept such rudeness and ingraditude as normal behaviour from their children?

BudgetBuster · 30/08/2026 16:18

Your daughter is unreasonable - she should be sticking to her original plan

YABU - If she's old enough to go to a festival with mates, she's old enough to make her way to a hotel. Also, why are you expecting him to do something you aren't willing to do?

The emotional affair is a red herring - yes, it's shit but has absolutely zero relevance to this scenario.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 30/08/2026 16:18

Lots of hotels don't accept under 18s on their own. So it might be hard to find somewhere.

I don't really understand why your dd isn't sticking to the original plan - has her lift fallen through for some reason? It is cheeky asking for a lift at 1am. Could you not compromise and say you'll pick her up earlier?

Tbh, I wouldn't be happy with a 17yo girl wandering around an unknown town at 1am so in your shoes, I would probably put on my big girl pants and go and get her.

GordanoServices · 30/08/2026 16:18

mylot · 30/08/2026 16:12

Oh 100% cheeky of her. She was camping but was getting a lift back off another parent tonight - they are all going back tonight. I think what I was posting really, was wondering if my husband saying I was being hysterical for leaving her to make her own way to a hotel that we’d pay for was unreasonable.

So she already has a lift on offer from a parent? So why doesn’t she take the lift? I’m confused.

tpwk · 30/08/2026 16:19

YABU - if you won’t drive, why do you expect him to?

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