AIBU to say 6:30am isn’t the middle of the night?

Another man who thinks the children are his wife's hobby.

We're all up at 6am every day, so 6:30 is hardly the middle of the night (though it feels like it in the depths of winter!). He needs to sort out his priorities.

What do you mean that you're going to have to report her if she replies to you?
On what grounds?! You feel the need to reply to everything, she's just replying back to you.
Dear me.

Anyway ignoring silly posts...

@Shezz95 if this is a one off then shit happens and people say heated stuff but you might want to have a look at how much you each do and whether that's building any resentment. Having small children is savage. I wouldn't be happy with the financial arrangement you have, I've never come across that. It's very easy to minimise afterwards and gloss over stuff (particularly when u have an avalanche of opinions on here) but some calm retrospective thought can be very helpful. I hope your toddler feels better x

A couple of whole hours for yourself only because he was a twat ... a twat who gets a whole day for himself every weekend ...

Not ridiculous at all. Many, many of us don't want the sort of relationship where it's acceptable to tell each other to fuck off. He wasn't saying it in jest so what tone would make it acceptable? The answer is no tone whatsoever and particularly not in front of a 4 year old.
And this hard done by individual had already had his lie in the day before. Not only that, he had also spent the rest of the day trying to pretend he didn't have a family.

Its certainly not the middle of the night thats just silly

The telling you to fuck off is 100% unacceptable and you need to call him out on that and make very clear that if he's ever that disrespectful to you again then you will have to have serious thoughts about whether you want him in the house. Do you want your son to be telling you to fuck off repeatedly by the time he's a teen? Do you want him thinking that this is the way to treat a partner and treating some poor young girl this way? If you want ds to have any respect for women then you need to command that respect for yourself.

On the flip side your son also needs to learn that the man can be a respected and trusted member of the family unit and undermining dad isn't going to teach him this. FWIW I would 100% have gotten my kid whatever he wanted overnight if he'd been poorly. However if you take the 'my night his night' approach then you have to be prepared to relinquish a bit of the control. It's tough as your maternal instinct was telling you that not allowing DS to have the milk was wrong. I would probably have told DS you'd go and get him a glass but then he needs to either sit quietly in his own bed/your bed and do a quiet activity until an agreed time. Ultimately you either have to let dad deal with it though or accept the extra burden on yourself without resentment. Maybe dad could help in other ways eg taking ds to the park/swimming later in the day. If you're struggling with dad's parenting style in general then that's probably a conversation to have when ds isn't around and you aren't tired/stressed.

Yes. I understand that but for a lot of people saying 'fuck off' is the equivalent of saying go away.

I guess the acceptable tone would be saying it in a sort of exasperated than aggressive tone.

Some people do swear in front of their children. I don't like it but they do. I'm not going to write them off as bad parents because of it, though I disapprove.

I don't think he's pretending he doesn't have a family at all.

He sounds as if he's a good father in other respects.

The OP and the dh seem to have made it up.
Just sounds like a minor spat to me.

I guess she (OP) won't be back.
This is just people arguing amongst themselves now.

No it isn’t
maybe in your world it is
and it was in front of young children 🙄

The only person who seems to be trying to argue is you though. Most people on this thread have offered their experiences and hopefully given OP some food for thought about their financial structure,and whether this is an isolated incident or not. OP may not have read them yet, she may never read them, but you seem to be repeatedly telling people to stop posting which is odd given you repeatedly reply to people.

Reported

Then just report it?

Jesus this site is like a kids playground sometimes.

that poster hounds me

I find having small children can be like ice in cracks. It might be some just adjusting to life as it is now or it may be deeper then that, you'll find out when you start properly talking about it together.

Good luck xx

I can’t think of anything more normal than a four year old having a glass of milk at 6.30am! Just what does he expect from a four year old.

Well it seems all is well now.
I'm not telling anybody not to post at all, though, I can't stop them anyway!, just observing that because it's all OK now with the OP and her dh it's just people arguing amongst themselves.

Another voice here saying it’s absolutely bonkers and cruel all these parents saying their children wouldn’t be allowed milk at 6.30am/not allowed out of their bedrooms etc.

Sounds more like a prison than a family home.

6.30am is a perfectly reasonable time for a 4 year old to wake up and milk is a perfectly normal morning drink. Especially as the child had been feeling poorly, poor kid was probably really craving some milk and there’s the dad trying to force him to go back to sleep.

I just could not be with a man like this.

Who are you talking about? Who's arguing?

OP has very clearly said it is not 'all well now'. She feels resentful and it's clear to her it's building up.

Why do you keep repeating the same stuff? It sounds like you're trying to control the narrative of the thread. Or is it that you just want the last word?

It's really weird.

No one is arguing with anyone besides everyone arguing with you

I know this is a long thread and I've only read your replies, but this one... my god.

Taking kids to the park and putting them in bed sometimes, listed in the context of being a favour to you, is not "hands on", let alone "very".

It is not even bare minimum. He is their father. He should be doing normal parenting without being asked, without doing it as a sop to you, without being asked.

It feels like you have been so conditioned to accept crumbs from this mediocre excuse that anything beyond that feels like a bounty from heaven. Please take a very hard, clear-eyed look at your situation, as it does not look remotely fair or equal from outside.

Can’t believe some of these responses.

Do people really make their 4 year olds stay in their room until a set time?! 4 year olds having to play independently in their rooms for 2 hours with no food and only water to drink?
People really think it’s ok to make a 4 year old “go back to sleep” at 6.20am when their normal wake up time is 6.30?
This child had been unwell too and probably hungry.

Is this parenting now? Do people realise small children are not robots with an on off switch and a timer?

When mine were little if they got up 10 minutes earlier than normal and wanted some milk of course I (or DH) would have just got up with them and started the day. Especially if they had not been well.
Sometimes we had snuggles in our bed if they got up super early but I’d have never forced them to stay in their room alone at 6.20am!

It isn't the middle of the night. It is probably too early for most at the weekend. He should have taken charge of the children as he had his lie in the previous day. I would not tolerate someone telling me to f*ck off.