To be so upset by DH comments?

You should have free equal time.
He should give up some of his free time so you can have some!!!
Hes a twat

What is he doing to make himself attractive to you?

Does he cook?
Does he clean?
Does he initiate anything with the children without your presence or prompting?
Does he do 50%?

Go on strike at home, and that includes the mental load.

Dumping him would be a very quick way to lose a useless few stones.

Ps, are all 3 of your children in school? And how many hours do you work?

Then tell him you're going to start going out to the gym at 5 every other day (or however many days he gets to go do his hobby) and he's in charge until you get back. "Between 5 and 7 I cook everyone's dinner, wash the pots, clean the kitchen, put a load of washing on, do homework and get everyone brushing their teeth and in their pjs. You need to do it all otherwise there's no point in me trying to improve myself. We both agree I'm not looking after myself enough and neither of us like it. We as a team need to make the time for me to do that the same way WE make the time for you to go to the gym."

OP I think by you asking that question he’s been put in a lose lose situation. There was no right answer!

Take away the positives he says he is missing being affectionate so he obviously misses that intimacy and is attracted to you. Him saying he didn’t think YOU cared anymore isn’t the same as him saying he doesn’t care. He’s worded everything horrifically and insensitively of course.

However from what you’ve said it is the bottom of your priorities due to all the other things you’ve listed. Sit down and tell him why it’s a struggle and try to prioritise managing the mental load from the kids etc tk get some energy back. Once you start it will give you the happy hormone boost etc and you’ll get into it.

Honestly it sounds like he's checking out and preemptively rewriting history.

I don't see why you should make an effort if you are tired. Perhaps he could take on some childcare and domestic work instead of tending to his body? Tell him you don't have any 'me time' and he has lots, so he has to give up some 'him time' e.g. cook dinner, look after DC in the evenings while you out to the gym or down the pub if that's what you want (the walk might lose some weight, the beer won't!). He is selfish and then blames you for a situation which he is causing. Tell him so, the useless malcontent.

2 stone is more than a dress size, isn't it?

Fuck the ‘outside world’. You are missing the fact that the reason she’s not got the ooompf to look after herself is because HE doesn’t take in his equal share. She had a husband problem, not a looks problem.

Moot point. If he was pulling his weight, she wouldn’t be burnt out and neglecting her own self care. She can easily lose 11 stone of weight by paying about £500 to file for divorce.

It seems to me that your dh needs to realise that he needs to give in order to get.

By that I mean by taking a fairer share of responsibility at home, as others have said and by doing things which help you feel valued. Actually looking to see where he could help, giving you little treats WITHOUT wanting any reward, eg more sex, from you.

You sound very down. I have a great deal of experience with depressive illness and know what a terrible slog it can feel just to keep going. You need care and acknowledgement from him as well as doing all you can for yourself, as others have suggested, manicure, meeting a friend for coffee, getting yourself selfcare treats such as nice handcream. My go to is earrings. Not expensive but lovely.

Be well, you ARE WORTH IT. Believe that.

You work part time, are the kids in school … can’t you exercise after drop off time?

He works but does little else - couldn’t he do his fair share to free up time for her to do more self care?

Your DH is buying his exercise and fitness at the expense of yours. Children and household care are work even if unpaid and you've said youve picked up more paid work too. Has he picked up more household or parenting to balance or are you trying to do even more and this is running you ragged? There needs to be fully equal leisure time so you can start focusing on yourself and your mental health. Sending much love 💕

3 children. Nearly all the housework and childcare is on you. And you also work part time with more hours recently.

No wonder you feel blue. I don't think this is a weight issue, I think this is a mix of lack of support from hubby (physically helping and his attitude towards you) and losing yourself issue. Being mum to three children, doing most of the housework etc as well as working is bloody exhausting.

He needs to do more than allow you to go out in the eve. He needs to step up on all of it, take some of the weight off your shoulders permanently. He also needs to make you feel lovely, the mother of his children, his wife and recognise that you're feeling blue and on anti-d's - and for goodness sake not ever make comments on your weight.

It sounds to me like you've lost yourself and are only seeing your worth in relation you husband and your role as wife and mother whereas he sees himself as the protagonist in his own story. It's SO HARD to carve out time for yourself when you're exhausted and struggling with your mental health. My DP is also active and always encouraging me to work out etc and he simply CANNOT see that the juggle is far harder for me in my role of working mum, partner than it is for him. The difference though is he wouldn't make me feel like shit like your DH has. If you can I'd highly recommend therapy. It helped me see that I needed to push my needs to the forefront. No one else is going to. Start with one immoveable thing a week that you do for you.

Too high a dose can increase depression, or at least mimic the feelings of depression. There is also some research that long term use increases suicide. It's a balancing act to get them right and I don't think doctors are that bothered as a general rule.

Anyone who is on them and not doing ok should go back to the GP until can get them right, or try something else. Anti-d's mask the issue, not fix it too, they should be used with therapy.

Sounds like a classic division of labor issue and he gets to spend a lot of time on himself. I'd start setting aside time out of the week to focus on yourself, even if it means he has to step up in the evenings or weekends. Don't do it for him, do it for yourself, especially as you have talked about feeling depressed, etc.

Forget the weight for now. For now, I would just focus on spending some time on hair, clothes, etc. I often feel better when I spend just 10 minutes making myself look better.

Also, a daily walk can do wonders for mood and weight. So you tell him you are doing this for your physical and mental well being. If housework slides as a result, let it, or let HIM do it for a change. You make it part of the new weekly schedule so you BOTH get time for self-care.

If he exercises who is making the time for him to do that?? Is it you?
You say you do not have time, do you want to exercise perhaps for your wellbeing and health rather then losing weight? If you do want to have a go at being active, (i hated exercise) walk places and do gentle exercise first. If you want to swim, swim twice a week, if you want to go to a gym, go to a gym. Make it happen. As for the conversation with your husband I think he was tactless but its a delicate conversation and I think your self confidence needs building.

It doesn't sound like she feels comfortable to even speak to him. He is emotionally switched off so that is suspicious. There is no harm in her asking. His response would be the game changer.

Yes this.

Can't RTFT but disagree with much of what I have read. I see a 'DH problem'.

You didn't need anxiety meds or antidepressants before the kids. You have been feeling overwhelmed for years b/o the kids. You need to heal yourself from that overwhelm, not 'be strict with yourself' to lose weight so your husband likes you.

He sounds like an unsympathetic egocentric prick tbh. What is he doing to help against the overwhelm? How about he knocks off exercising and helps at home?

Be kind to yourself OP.

Sometimes going to the gym when you're knackered does kind of sort it. Even when the dc were little. I'm up at 6 every morning and usually home from work around 6. Work is full on and I often bring more home. But my gym nights and, to a lesser extent, my running nights, are things I do whether i feel like it or not. It used to be easier to do a 630a.m class then go straight to work when dc were young, but then, I was late 30s and could do it.

To be honest though, it's food that makes the difference. I've done more exercise over the last 6 weeks than term time, but I've put on weight because I've been grazing. And drinking. A few years ago I had an injury that stopped all exercise. I was the slimmest I've ever been because I was v conscious that I couldn't eat as much.

Who looked after the kids?

I think you need to go easier on yourself, you have depression & anxiety & thats probably affecting things. I don’t think your husband said anything too bad there, but he did indicate that you don’t seem to care which fits with depression/being exhausted.

You need to make yourself feel better about yourself so as others say, you need me time & to look after yourself. I’d really recommend going outside for a wall. 5/10 mins here and there and build it where you can.

I’d also ask the drs for a medication review. Re the exhaustion, whats your diet like? Eating leas junk can give more energy. Ask the dr to check your vitamin D levels too

hope is not lost OP, you just need to take the horse by the reigns and take control