School mum ignored play date invitation

I’ve read and forgotten play date invites a couple of times. Life is so busy between work and the children that things you mean to get back to fall away. I wouldn’t read anything into it. She may not have intended to be rude. For me it’s just another thing to manage and I’ve only realised much later that I didn’t respond.

Last Christmas I did decline a play date and that apparently caused offence. I honestly think people are just trying to manage busy lives and don’t mean any harm.

She probably read it when she was busy and then it totally slipped her mind. It happens. I’m guilty of it myself at times. I’m incredibly busy and if I don’t respond straight away the message will get lost and I might remember about it days, weeks or even months later 🙈. It’s not great but it is what it is. People with less chaotic lives maybe struggle to understand

It is rude but I would have messaged one more time to chase it up. She probably did forget.

I’ve had this happen from multiple parents with birthday invites (I know not quite the same). When I’ve chased it up they said they forgot to reply or thought they had replied.

I’d never forget to reply either but some people obviously would. I wouldn’t take it personally.

I'm with you, it's rude. I'm always amazed by the people on here who think being busy is an excuse to be rude. We are all busy but that's no reason to ignore an invite.

Yes it is very rude not to respond.

However, she may not actually dislike you/your son and not want your children to be friends. I am terrible for replying to messages; I have 3 children (two that are constantly injuring themselves/fighting/crying about something) and my attention is constantly being pulled. I quite often read a message, then close my phone and entirely forget about it. Embarrassingly, I've done this to one of my eldest's school friend's mums 3/4 times now, but thankfully after I explained and apologised she said not to worry and we still manage to arrange playdates etc just fine. I really like this mum and her son (and would love to see more of them!) so it is really bloody frustrating for me that I do this. I have lost a friend this way too, which is a shame, but I do understand how it makes people feel and know that it is incredibly rude.

You have a phone and you message instead of ringing them.
FFS if you want a definite reply what is wrong with phoning.

Everyone seems to moan about not getting replies from text messages they send nowadays.
Instead of texting just phone them, and the reply will be instantaneous.
Simples.

PS: It's what we all did before texting was available.

I think you are overthinking it. Most school holidays for most people involve juggling work, childcare, holidays, a day out every so often, squeezing seeing friends you don't normally see and arranging an odd playdate if you have the time. If there are siblings as well that arranging and seeing friends is doubled or trippled.

I miss messages all the time, I am in multiple group chats and have 2 children to juggle.

We've only just got round to seeing DDs best friend this week - life has been so busy. Her other best friend we have seen at the start of the holidays. In total I've managed 3 school friend play dates for DD and people would say I am not very busy and seem to be spending time seeing friends (on MAT leave). Truth is I've been catching up with other friends/ cousins/ family all of whom arranged days weeks ago before the children broke up from school, then seeing grandparents, a day out a week and actually just downtime has taken over the rest of the holidays.

I'll be honest, I'm more likely to miss a message from a parent I'm not as friendly with than 1 I am friends with purely because they message me once, it gets buried under other messages. My friends message multiple times so I will see their messages. It's not malice, it's busy lives.

On the non reciprocated playdates, some.people just don't feel comfortable hosting or struggle to host. My DH works from home full time, it makes boisterous playdates or playdates with multiple children difficult at times and he has a dedicated office. If you have a partner working from home in a bedroom (next to kids rooms) or more communal space then it can be hard to do playdates. We haven't been able to host playdates for 2 weeks of the holidays as we had workmen in doing some work who left all.their tools and materials around.

I don’t forget to reply to messages from people I care about/ respect/ am trying to build some kind of polite or friendly relationship with

Ok, so maybe she doesn't care about you/respect you and isn't trying to build a relationship with you. Don't invite the kid again. Move on, don't overthink it and invite other kids for playdates instead.

Thing is you have zero idea what is going on in her life. 90% of the time I reply to things immediately as I know if I don’t the messages will disappear into the ether. Last year my mum was seriously ill, like imminent death multiple times and I’ve had an emotional roller coaster over a long period of time. I didn’t mention that to many school mums, only a few but there have been some circumstances where school social stuff is just another thing on a long list of life admin alongside full time work that tips me over the edge. Alongside that my role was going through a redundancy process.

No- one would have gone ‘yea she’s had a death etc’ but that doesn’t mean I haven’t had other shit that isn’t more important.

I think it’s rude to just ignore a message. It is very unlikely she has read and forgotten about it. The likelihood is she couldn’t be bothered or has lots of plans and can’t fit it in. Of course it’s rude. If it was me, I wouldn’t have followed it up and just said, just wondering whether x was free on x day. Some school mums are clicky and have their friends and don’t want anymore. He’s rude but it happens!

Why didn’t your DS go to his bday? Maybe she’s salty.

She might've looked at it, thought to herself "Oh, I'll reply to thst later and then forgotten about it" You are overthinking it.

I’ve been in the same boat this week with an unanswered invitation via text. I just assumed they were busy/ forgot and that the non reply had nothing to do with me an individual.

It is very unlikely she has read and forgotten about it. The likelihood is she couldn’t be bothered or has lots of plans and can’t fit it in.

How do you know that?
There are 6 pages of people offering their experiences on this thread, and MANY of them have said they have done that.....glanced at it when couldn't reply, then forgotten to answer when they intended to, and then the message moves down the list, off your screen and you've forgotten.

Why do you default to the assumption it is because the recipient is rude, rather than it being unintentional ?

I hate how people start accusing you of catastrophising end basically calling you a psychopath if you post anything like this! Some of the responses sound venomous, you only asked for opinions ffs. Honestly there’s some right nobs on here.

I agree she probably forgot. However, I’m firmly in the camp of I would never forget to respond to a message like this either way and therefore it is difficult to accept when someone else does it. I actually do think it’s a bit rude and it doesn’t matter if you don’t agree with that because it is exactly that MY opinion. I have been known to just send a message acknowledging receipt when thanking them and explaining I’ll need to come back to them etc. I think people have changed a lot in recent years and now people expect you to forgive their forgetfulness, their mental health, their need to protect their own peace etc. Until it happens to them of course. I also know that lots of 8 year olds were probably asking if you had heard from the friends Mum which makes you feel a bit sorry for them even if you are really busy. You daren’t say that on here though or your child will get accused of having no resilience and being obsessed with their friend!