School mum ignored play date invitation

I hate how people start accusing you of catastrophising end basically calling you a psychopath if you post anything like this! Some of the responses sound venomous, you only asked for opinions ffs. Honestly there’s some right nobs on here.

I agree she probably forgot. However, I’m firmly in the camp of I would never forget to respond to a message like this either way and therefore it is difficult to accept when someone else does it. I actually do think it’s a bit rude and it doesn’t matter if you don’t agree with that because it is exactly that MY opinion. I have been known to just send a message acknowledging receipt when thanking them and explaining I’ll need to come back to them etc. I think people have changed a lot in recent years and now people expect you to forgive their forgetfulness, their mental health, their need to protect their own peace etc. Until it happens to them of course. I also know that lots of 8 year olds were probably asking if you had heard from the friends Mum which makes you feel a bit sorry for them even if you are really busy. You daren’t say that on here though or your child will get accused of having no resilience and being obsessed with their friend!

It is very unlikely she has read and forgotten about it. The likelihood is she couldn’t be bothered or has lots of plans and can’t fit it in.

How do you know that?
There are 6 pages of people offering their experiences on this thread, and MANY of them have said they have done that.....glanced at it when couldn't reply, then forgotten to answer when they intended to, and then the message moves down the list, off your screen and you've forgotten.

Why do you default to the assumption it is because the recipient is rude, rather than it being unintentional ?

I’ve been in the same boat this week with an unanswered invitation via text. I just assumed they were busy/ forgot and that the non reply had nothing to do with me an individual.

She might've looked at it, thought to herself "Oh, I'll reply to thst later and then forgotten about it" You are overthinking it.

Why didn’t your DS go to his bday? Maybe she’s salty.

I think it’s rude to just ignore a message. It is very unlikely she has read and forgotten about it. The likelihood is she couldn’t be bothered or has lots of plans and can’t fit it in. Of course it’s rude. If it was me, I wouldn’t have followed it up and just said, just wondering whether x was free on x day. Some school mums are clicky and have their friends and don’t want anymore. He’s rude but it happens!

Thing is you have zero idea what is going on in her life. 90% of the time I reply to things immediately as I know if I don’t the messages will disappear into the ether. Last year my mum was seriously ill, like imminent death multiple times and I’ve had an emotional roller coaster over a long period of time. I didn’t mention that to many school mums, only a few but there have been some circumstances where school social stuff is just another thing on a long list of life admin alongside full time work that tips me over the edge. Alongside that my role was going through a redundancy process.

No- one would have gone ‘yea she’s had a death etc’ but that doesn’t mean I haven’t had other shit that isn’t more important.

I don’t forget to reply to messages from people I care about/ respect/ am trying to build some kind of polite or friendly relationship with

Ok, so maybe she doesn't care about you/respect you and isn't trying to build a relationship with you. Don't invite the kid again. Move on, don't overthink it and invite other kids for playdates instead.

I think you are overthinking it. Most school holidays for most people involve juggling work, childcare, holidays, a day out every so often, squeezing seeing friends you don't normally see and arranging an odd playdate if you have the time. If there are siblings as well that arranging and seeing friends is doubled or trippled.

I miss messages all the time, I am in multiple group chats and have 2 children to juggle.

We've only just got round to seeing DDs best friend this week - life has been so busy. Her other best friend we have seen at the start of the holidays. In total I've managed 3 school friend play dates for DD and people would say I am not very busy and seem to be spending time seeing friends (on MAT leave). Truth is I've been catching up with other friends/ cousins/ family all of whom arranged days weeks ago before the children broke up from school, then seeing grandparents, a day out a week and actually just downtime has taken over the rest of the holidays.

I'll be honest, I'm more likely to miss a message from a parent I'm not as friendly with than 1 I am friends with purely because they message me once, it gets buried under other messages. My friends message multiple times so I will see their messages. It's not malice, it's busy lives.

On the non reciprocated playdates, some.people just don't feel comfortable hosting or struggle to host. My DH works from home full time, it makes boisterous playdates or playdates with multiple children difficult at times and he has a dedicated office. If you have a partner working from home in a bedroom (next to kids rooms) or more communal space then it can be hard to do playdates. We haven't been able to host playdates for 2 weeks of the holidays as we had workmen in doing some work who left all.their tools and materials around.

You have a phone and you message instead of ringing them.
FFS if you want a definite reply what is wrong with phoning.

Everyone seems to moan about not getting replies from text messages they send nowadays.
Instead of texting just phone them, and the reply will be instantaneous.
Simples.

PS: It's what we all did before texting was available.

Yes it is very rude not to respond.

However, she may not actually dislike you/your son and not want your children to be friends. I am terrible for replying to messages; I have 3 children (two that are constantly injuring themselves/fighting/crying about something) and my attention is constantly being pulled. I quite often read a message, then close my phone and entirely forget about it. Embarrassingly, I've done this to one of my eldest's school friend's mums 3/4 times now, but thankfully after I explained and apologised she said not to worry and we still manage to arrange playdates etc just fine. I really like this mum and her son (and would love to see more of them!) so it is really bloody frustrating for me that I do this. I have lost a friend this way too, which is a shame, but I do understand how it makes people feel and know that it is incredibly rude.

I'm with you, it's rude. I'm always amazed by the people on here who think being busy is an excuse to be rude. We are all busy but that's no reason to ignore an invite.

It is rude but I would have messaged one more time to chase it up. She probably did forget.

I’ve had this happen from multiple parents with birthday invites (I know not quite the same). When I’ve chased it up they said they forgot to reply or thought they had replied.

I’d never forget to reply either but some people obviously would. I wouldn’t take it personally.

She probably read it when she was busy and then it totally slipped her mind. It happens. I’m guilty of it myself at times. I’m incredibly busy and if I don’t respond straight away the message will get lost and I might remember about it days, weeks or even months later 🙈. It’s not great but it is what it is. People with less chaotic lives maybe struggle to understand

I’ve read and forgotten play date invites a couple of times. Life is so busy between work and the children that things you mean to get back to fall away. I wouldn’t read anything into it. She may not have intended to be rude. For me it’s just another thing to manage and I’ve only realised much later that I didn’t respond.

Last Christmas I did decline a play date and that apparently caused offence. I honestly think people are just trying to manage busy lives and don’t mean any harm.

There’a no shame in messaging again a few weeks after the first attempt.

Is it possible she thinks you ditched her son on his birthday?

look OP if you’d messaged a couple of times and she’d ignored it maybe it would be rude but after only one message I think you’re over reacting a bit! Just message her again? she could have been away or about to get on a flight or something when your message came through and she forgot about it. I’m pretty good at messaging but there’s definitely been an occasion or two when this has happened to me.

A school mum has messaged me this morning thanking me for giving her child a lift home from a party yesterday and asking if I want to meet up for dinner. We don’t know each other well so this isn’t someone I’ve already met socially. I’ve been out all day today so not had a chance to reply to her. In all honestly I may well have forgotten about it for a few days if I hadn’t seen this thread as I have quite a lot on this BH weekend.

No one said it was just ok to respond months later or not. Hyperbole again. I have a parent of Dd bff and she never replies as in I’d say 1 in 4. She just reads and doesn’t respond likely busy can’t make and forgets. You have over thought the whole scenario.

Could be as simple as deleting the message in error. I have done this, very rarely, but it can be very awkward if you can't easily remember the contact details etc. I also know that there have been periods when life just gets too busy to keep track. Try again for the sake of your son.

I had a similarish scenario happen to me just before 6 weeks. My twins play with her daughter and me and the mum make pleasantries at the school gate sometimes. I asked her if I could give her my number so the kids could play together at the local park maybe a day or 2 in the holidays. She looked at me like I’d just called her a bitch and said give it to him, pointing at her husband. She doesn’t work so it’s not like she’s super busy and it was so rude. Surprisingly I’ve not heard from her at all. It’s hurt my feelings because I thought we got on well but I’ll just give her a wide berth when I see her now. Try not to let it upset you. It’s rude but in your scenario there might be a load of reasons for the lack of response.

Oh for the good old days when a kid walked round and knocked on the other kid's door to ask if they were playing out. I mean, what a palaver over a 'playdate'.

They could still be polite enough to text, That sounds great, but we’re all booked up this summer. Thanks.” How hard is that. What a lazy, rude person.

No, it is not okay.

She’s rude.Still, give her the benefit of the doubt and ask again. Include “if this date and time won’t work for you, is there a date that will?” If she still doesn’t respond, then you can talk to her about it when school resumes, but don’t make it into a big thing. In the meantime, schedule playdates with the other friend.

Not everyone is organised and messages get missed, one of my son’s friends mums takes weeks to reply, if ever, and she’s a lovely person, it’s just who she is. Like you said, sometimes mum friends are purely ‘superficial’ just so your kids have invites, friends etc. I have loads of these & I know when he’s older I’ll prob hardly speak to them. Just relax a bit, invite him again & if you don’t get a response invite another friend.