School mum ignored play date invitation

So you are in 59 different chats with people that are all trying to arrange playdates?

Comparing apples with oranges...

Hardly.
My dc arrange their own social lives these days, but the point is, the OP's chat with this other child's Mum isn't likely to be the only time her phone pinged that day. Very easy to think "I'll check the calendar when I get home and reply this evening" but then something else happens and it goes from your mind.

It’s probably nothing, just busy and forgot, but…. Could there be a reason not to want to send her child to your house? Big dog? Naughty kid? Smokers?

We haven’t had time to organise a single play date this summer. Many parents do an insane amount of juggling over the summer holidays and are crazy busy.

I would invite the other boy over for a playdate and when that is settled, msg this mum and invite her son to the playdate as well.That way you can tell if she is genuinely ignoring you or perhaps did just forget to respond. This way there is less awkwardness either way because you were simply being friendly and polite including her son in existing plans rather that relying on them for the playdate to happen.

I was recently away on an intensive work course for a few days and when I had access to my phone at the end of each day, I had messages from 10+ groups/people which I quickly skimmed through. It was only a week or so later that I remembered I hadn't really taken the messages in so went back to read them.

It's manic over the summer with everyone's routines being off, I would just assume the message had been forgotten and send another.

I think she probably thinks she replied saying they couldn’t make it that time. I’ve done that before, thought I’d sent a message but actually just composed the message in my head ready to write later. Or occasionally I write a message but get distracted and don’t quite finish it, but just assume I sent a message and I haven’t.

Just say hi next time you bump into them. You’re overthinking it.

I’ve had this but in the end gave up because the mum does my head in anyway 😂 and I thought it was so rude but in my situation I asked in person at school and had her kid over mine about 8 times in total, always have dinner made effort for them to do fun stuff, my boy has been invited over there once (through guilt I think and a duty to ‘repay the play date’) and he thinks he’s the problem, he’s not it’s because the mum can’t be bothered and would rather have other kids over that she is clicky with at school. Anyway, I would send one more message just super casual and just say something like my son mentioned he’d like to see your son for a play date if you’ve got any free dates just shout 👍 then leave it. It won’t sound pushy at all, she may well have just forgot, doesn’t sound like my own situation at this stage if honest ☺️

Yes to be perfectly honest, if she wanted to reply to you, she would have. You never overlook messages from your 'Top Tier' friends. Everyone has that list of friends who you really enjoy and whose children you love organising trips and play dates with. If you get a message or invite from any of them, you don't just forget because you are genuinely excited about the prospect of meeting up.

You only overlook or forget a message from lower tier friends who you don't really care for anyway but stay in contact with out of convenience. It could be a genuine mistake where she intended to reply but forgot after seeing the message but it also means she really didn't feel excited enough at the prospect of a playdate to remember.

And many parents don't like keeping in contact with other families over the holidays because they are more like colleagues. They remind them too much of school and term time responsibilities. It sounds like the other mum sees OP as another generic school parent and not someone worthy of spending valuable holiday time with.

That's nothing tbh. I'm extremely inactive on Whatsapp but I just counted all the chats from August and it was 40! Most were just one or two sentence catchups or last min logistics. A few are spammy group stuff which I'm not obliged to reply. At any one time, I only have 1-3 active chats where I need to give a personal response to and I certainly don't feel overwhelmed to the point I'm missing messages.

If the PP really has 59 active and ongoing groups that they need to reply to simultaneously then they need to have a serious look at adult screentime addiction.

But that’s you. Other people, including me, would absolutely forget and appreciate a reminder. There’s nothing ‘pushy or desperate’ about saying ‘Hi X, resending in case you didn’t see this — no worries if it doesn’t suit.’

Well isn't that nice that you're so perfect...

I'm human. People send me messages and I read it when busy. And then I think "ohh I'll reply later" except thanks to peri menopause brain I forget totally!

I'm not rude. I'm just human and a scatterbrain sometimes.

I think its super odd to construct such an imaginative narrative from just one text you sent. Did you send a follow up text a few days later? I mean if they ignore a second one, then you might suggest it was rude...

Yes, people always accuse others of being in one but never say they are

Do people have lives outside of their children? And the dramas

Not everyone is organised and messages get missed, one of my son’s friends mums takes weeks to reply, if ever, and she’s a lovely person, it’s just who she is. Like you said, sometimes mum friends are purely ‘superficial’ just so your kids have invites, friends etc. I have loads of these & I know when he’s older I’ll prob hardly speak to them. Just relax a bit, invite him again & if you don’t get a response invite another friend.

She’s rude.Still, give her the benefit of the doubt and ask again. Include “if this date and time won’t work for you, is there a date that will?” If she still doesn’t respond, then you can talk to her about it when school resumes, but don’t make it into a big thing. In the meantime, schedule playdates with the other friend.

No, it is not okay.

They could still be polite enough to text, That sounds great, but we’re all booked up this summer. Thanks.” How hard is that. What a lazy, rude person.

Oh for the good old days when a kid walked round and knocked on the other kid's door to ask if they were playing out. I mean, what a palaver over a 'playdate'.

I had a similarish scenario happen to me just before 6 weeks. My twins play with her daughter and me and the mum make pleasantries at the school gate sometimes. I asked her if I could give her my number so the kids could play together at the local park maybe a day or 2 in the holidays. She looked at me like I’d just called her a bitch and said give it to him, pointing at her husband. She doesn’t work so it’s not like she’s super busy and it was so rude. Surprisingly I’ve not heard from her at all. It’s hurt my feelings because I thought we got on well but I’ll just give her a wide berth when I see her now. Try not to let it upset you. It’s rude but in your scenario there might be a load of reasons for the lack of response.

Could be as simple as deleting the message in error. I have done this, very rarely, but it can be very awkward if you can't easily remember the contact details etc. I also know that there have been periods when life just gets too busy to keep track. Try again for the sake of your son.

No one said it was just ok to respond months later or not. Hyperbole again. I have a parent of Dd bff and she never replies as in I’d say 1 in 4. She just reads and doesn’t respond likely busy can’t make and forgets. You have over thought the whole scenario.

look OP if you’d messaged a couple of times and she’d ignored it maybe it would be rude but after only one message I think you’re over reacting a bit! Just message her again? she could have been away or about to get on a flight or something when your message came through and she forgot about it. I’m pretty good at messaging but there’s definitely been an occasion or two when this has happened to me.

A school mum has messaged me this morning thanking me for giving her child a lift home from a party yesterday and asking if I want to meet up for dinner. We don’t know each other well so this isn’t someone I’ve already met socially. I’ve been out all day today so not had a chance to reply to her. In all honestly I may well have forgotten about it for a few days if I hadn’t seen this thread as I have quite a lot on this BH weekend.

There’a no shame in messaging again a few weeks after the first attempt.

Is it possible she thinks you ditched her son on his birthday?