DH wants to be a teenager, no time for me… aibu?

This man belongs under the patio. He actually makes my blood boil.

PLEASE LEAVE HIM!

He's a rude, lazy, manipulative, gaslighting bastard.

This is never going to get any better OP.

He doesn't 'carve out couple time' because he doesn't want to.

He prioritises HIS hobbies and his gaming over spending any time with you.

He refuses to do any house chores because he's already got a 'house bitch' to do them ie you.

I really pity the kids he teaches - such a misogynistic neanderthal has no place in today's schools.

I would immediately start using contraception (although I'm amazed you can summon any enthusiasm for sex with him, given how badly he treats you. My vag would have shut up shop by now).

I would be making plans to go out lots of evenings - out with friends, or take yourself out for dinner/to the cinema/theatre/gym. He can cook his own meals, do his own washing etc. Just do your washing, cook for you.
If he complains that you're never there, just say you're prioritising your own well-being for a change.

And get your ducks in a row. You deserve much more out of marriage and life than this.

Good luck.

Remind him that tou don't have staff. He obviously sees you as the house bitch, even though you've worked all day.

RUN FAST AND FAR AWAY

he actually called you a "house bitch" ? - now that's a line he not only walked but stamped over. He's got you well trained - any one (male or female) who said that to me would have had a new one torn and would have been left in no doubt just how far they had pushed their luck.

I'm sorry - it must be very sad to see your marriage fade away like this - he is being rude, selfish and gaslighting you into the bargain.

May I suggest you take some time for yourself, even book some sessions with a counsellor to straighten out your thoughts and options. Tighten up that contraception. I would be getting my ducks in a row with a view to stepping away. There is no shame on your part here - he's using you shamelessly and that's not forgiveable.

It just gets worse - and the apple doesn’t fall far does it? His mother has brought him up to be an entitled mummy’s boy.

please please don’t have a child with this man

You already have a baby. I would think hard about another one as the one you already have is not going to grow up.

You sound young and maybe a bit unsure of yourself. He sounds domineering and can verbally demolish you. You have expressed concerns about his unreasonable behaviour and he lashed out and made you seem the unreasonable one.
You have (correctly) realized that you are being treated unfairly and he has no respect for you whatsoever.
Swanning off to a hobby 4 evenings per week when he has kids to look after. Telling you he is not the house bitch when asked to do housework.
This is so far from fair and reasonable - he must have done a number on you to convince you this was normal.
Moving forward? I know this is hard but you probably can't stay with him. He has already shown that he won't tolerate any pushback from you.
I suspect you might be a bit intimidated by him when it comes to standing up for yourself. You have probably never learned to stand up for yourself properly (lots of us have this problem).
The fact that he prefers hobbies and gaming over spending time with you is also very telling. Actions speak louder than words - he is not bothered about spending time with you.
I don't think this is salvageable- I hope you have support from your family and/or friends you can talk this over with and make plans to leave.

What's the point of him OP? He doesn't pull his weight with the house, or with his own children, makes you feel shit about yourself, mocks you...his mum isn't even very nice! (I stayed with one ex longer than I should have because I loved his mum so much)

What are you doing?!

Sorry, but he sounds awful. Surely you knew he was an immature loser before you married him though.

"I want to game all day until the early hours of the morning. No responsibilities, no having to come down for dinner."

He has strange ideas about teenagers. I had teenagers. Neither of them would have wanted nor been allowed to get away with acting like this even when they were teenagers.

This man is a bad man OP.

Just get yourself out of this, truly, and do not have any children of your own with this weak excuse for a father.

Did the relationship move very fast? I’m only asking because his children are still quite young and I imagine it’s likely you’ve been together since they were a lot younger if you’re already at a ttc point.

I hope you can get away from this and build a beautiful life for yourself, far away from this man.

Wow. There's a lot to respond to.

i) You don't have to stay in in the evenings to be his default childcare. Book stuff, do hobbies etc. He has to ensure there's childcare when needed. Maybe it's his mum - that's between her and him.
ii) You both work FT (I think?). So of course he has housework to do. Half of it, to be precise. That doesn't make him a 'housebitch'. It makes him an adult.
iii) Mocking your stammer is abhorrent. There's no excuse for it.

From what you've posted here, I don't understand why you're with him.

OP, this man does not like you enough to pass the evening with you. You are just the house bitch.
I’m so, so sorry.
If it sounds rude of me to write the above, then remember that it’s him saying so. You have no power to make him love you.

I can’t believe he said that btw, if my partner said it to me he’d be seriously injured, but then again, he wouldn’t because he respects me.

Im so sorry.

Your posts are really upsetting to read. I know that feeling of being bamboozled by a narcissists logic. You can’t think straight, end up getting dragged into pointless side arguments, focussing on their feelings rather than their behaviour. It’s so manipulative, and designed to destabilise you.
I’m sorry to be brutal but he does not care about you, he doesn’t even like you. He’s a man-child who doesn’t deserve a woman in his life.
I hope you find the strength to tell him to stick his shitty sad-sack life, and I’d be tempted to take a screwdriver to his gaming machine.

So it's ok you to have to work as a team for him - looking after the kids / providing child care - but not for him to work as a team for you by doing his share of the housework.

He's abusive, possibly a narcissist. Look up DARVO also.

You have to leave. You cannot stay.

What's your housing situation @Turtleneckhead ? Do you rent? Own? Own jointly? Just wondering realistically how easy it would be to separate.

Do you generally do all the housework?

It's a very childish response saying "house bitch" regarding unloading a dishwasher and hanging out some laundry...makes it sound like he does nothing around the home.

He sounds way too immature to be married, little mind be a father. His mother is an enabler, and they've both manipulated you to be compliant. I think you've woken up now. This marriage will never be a happy one. Honestly, cut your losses and divorce, you're still young, don't live in this unhappiness any longer.

I would STRONGLY ADVISE you not to tell him you're leaving him.

If you are renting, as soon as he's back at work, I'd take a day off work, get help from friends or family and move all your stuff out. Stay with a friend or family for a few weeks if you can until you find a place of your own. Email the letting agent to end your tenancy and make it clear you have had to leave due to domestic abuse (as he is subjecting you to a form of abuse), and that they must remove your name from the tenancy, so you won't owe more than a month's rent. I would literally just have him come home to your stuff cleared out, he doesn't deserve a note or explanation. Then I'd file the online divorce petition within the first week that you've gone.

If you own, obviously it's more tricky, but we can offer advice if you let us know the situation...

@Turtleneckhead

You've gotten a lot of information and advice. I hope you've taken some of it on board.

How are you feeling about your marriage now?

Completely agree. Your husband could get very angry, very quickly if you confront him in person about you leaving. You need to protect yourself and get your stuff out without him knowing. He is abusive and who knows how he will react when he's faced with losing his nanny and housebitch. Please take care of yourself.

@Turtleneckhead Jesus Christ! What a horrible bastard for mocking your stammer! That alone would be enough for me to leave.

FML, I'm guessing he had some redeeming features for you to have married him in the first place, but how he's managed to get TWO women to put up with him is beyond me. Clearly this man is not long term material. It may feel very big and scary now, but when you look back in the future you'll know you've dodged a massive bullet.

I was just thinking that there is a lot of posts on MN about selfish DHs / partners. Where on earth do they all come from!?. Who is breeding these people?. It is mind boggling how these men get away with such awful behaviour.
Is it thier up bringing, how thier DF treated thier DMs ? What is it.
I just hope that future men are taught better in how to behave. I am truly shocked.

He got married to have a "house bitch" and raise his kids on his custody time.

Time to leave.

Genuine consideration here, I do know two men who were emotionally and partly physically abused by their ex wives.

My DGD has a school friend who is in the middle of an acrimonious divorce, the abuser is the mother and her DD, my DGDs friend is now being emotionally abused by her mother.

Agencies are now involved.

Many PPs post here about abusive mothers.

It is all very sad, causes so much harm and sometimes is passed on to the next generation.

I do know that some men get abused also, but most of these posts Im mentioning are about men.
Then again a lot of these post say that the DM wont have a bad word said about their sons.