DH wants to be a teenager, no time for me… aibu?

He doesn't seem to do much if any childcare for his existing children, expecting you to perform that task on his behalf. If that's the role he expects you to take for kids that don't belong to you how much of a hands on father do you think he'd be to another one?

He sounds pathetic.

@Swiftie1878 , we do not know why @Turtleneckhead self esteem is so low. We don’t even know if it is. We can only speculate and offer advice (oh and feel very angry, concerned, sad etc, etc).

But let’s say she does have low self esteem, it certainly wouldn’t be by choice and we do not know her life experience which could contain the answer as to why she has.

What’s your point?

I’ve asked a question, not made an assertion.
The question needs to be asked because she appears to lack quite a bit of insight, and she may even be unaware that her self esteem IS low, and that’s why she doubts herself so much.

I'd be ok with a fully paid spa day to offset a day of gaming, we all want to act like young people with no responsibilities at times.

I wouldn't be ok with having to arrange your time around his kids when he doesn't!

That's the issue!!

And ignoring your anniversary.

He's just not worth the hassle.

He’s awful, OP. Uncaring, lazy and extremely manipulative. And if you ever have children together, you can bet he’ll get even worse because he knows you’ll be connected to him for life. Plus, if you push back, he and his mum will pile on the guilt trips about how you’re a family and don’t you love your step-children?

Get out now! You deserve someone much better and in the meantime, you’d be much better off staying single than doing housework and childcare for an unkind man who doesn’t appreciate you.

My DH spends loads of his free time gaming but knows that he needs to make time for me if I want it as he can get lost in it for hours. Your DH is an absolute dickhead. Couples need time together without children to maintain a relationship.

He’s fucking awful @Turtleneckhead

Hes gaslighting you to a point of total confusion and overwhelm.

Can you talk to a therapist and work through this? It feels like you need some real life support to show you how messed up this is.

You're not unreasonable for being unhappy with this behaviour but you ARE unreasonable for thinking of having a baby with this man child who doesn't even like you - he imitated your STAMMER for Chrissake. I've never met you but even I know you can do better than this.

He sounds narcissistic.

You say “I’m sad” and he turns it around on you.

A house bitch for adulting? He is already acting like a teenager.

You may not be ready to leave him, but get on the pill. Do not tie yourself to this man with a baby.

Have you spoken to friends and family about this?? I can’t imagine they agree with him. You need people close to you on your side.

I’m getting the sense that OP is venting here and will go back to being his housemaid and nanny.

And then wake up in 20 years realising she threw her life away on pond scum.

For a secondary teacher he has a pretty poor understanding of teenagers. Mine don’t spend all day gaming into the early hours. And they load and empty dishwashers.

I know it’s overwhelming now. But keep your powder dry. There’s no point arguing with this one or his mother. I suggest
1- Use contraception.
2- Book some counselling for yourself.
3- Make plans for yourself on hobby nights
4 - Quietly explore the financial implications of divorce

you’ve got this and a team here behind you.

Fucking leave him mate! Pack your things while he’s out the house in bags and put them somewhere so he won’t notice and before he goes out the door you beat him to it! How dare his mother say you need to work as a team when he’s the only one who gets to leave the house! And his attitude to HOUSEHOLD jobs?!

Does he ‘allow’ YOU you time? Have you asked him? Well don’t ask him, tell him on the days he’s not at his fucking hobby you’ll be at yours - if he kicks off he’s proved he’s a shitty misogynistic gaslighting control freak, if he’s not bothered then he genuinely doesn’t want to spend quality time with you - please leave asap.

Yep!

Seriously OP you need to leave!

Ditto. I hope we are wrong!

Can you imagine your children having a father who mocks you or calls doing basic chores whilst on annual leave "house bitch" stuff. You cannot subject children to this.

Please find an exit, it's hugely painful but you can find so much better OR be far happier single. Please believe that and value your life ❤️

He can't have hobbies that take up every evening and weekends, he has children, expecting you to look after them so he can be a perpetual teenager is unacceptable- his comment proves this is the aim.
Leave him and let him look after his own kids- you haven't got a relationship with him , there is no time for that.

This and you'll be totally trapped if you have a child with him, you can walk away from his children not your own...........

We all want to be a teenager! I'd let him be one without me!

For a start he can look after his own DC when they are there whilst you go off snc do things.

Do not have a baby with him.

I'm a step mum and regularly stay at home with our kids so my husband can have evenings out (about once a week). Even from my perspective, what is happening in your marriage is awful.
Your husband (and his mum) think that you are worth less than him. The children are your job (and if you have needs outside of caring for them it's a sign you don't love them). The housework is your job (even if you are working and your husband is not). Free time is for your husband's hobbies (and if you want quality time with him you can watch him do them).
Your husband (and his mum) thinks he's right and he doesn't want to change. So he won't. This is as good as your relationship will get. A baby will make things harder because caring for them will also be your responsibility. Think carefully about what you want your life to look like.

Why the fuck does he go out all the time when he has his kids? Did he ask you to look after them or just assume?

Hell would freeze over before i stayed with a guy who mocked me. You can do a lot better.

Reading your posts OP, my first thought was that this bloke has absolutely aced gaslighting 101.
He disregards your objections and turns it all back on you. I suggest you do the same - your way of life/marriage is only working for him and it’s definitely not working for you. Repeat.
You are not being listened to at all.

@Turtleneckheaddont you find it a bit odd that not one person has commented to say your OH is right, and you need to just get on with life looking after his kids and emptying his dishwasher.
I can only see the opposite, everyone is saying he is out of order and you need to stop being his childcare and maid.
He is good at twisting your words and making out he is right, when all the posters on here, yes, all of them are quite horrified at his behaviour.
and advise you leave as soon as possible and don’t have a baby with him. He is truly awful.

Every post you are talking like you have to put up with it.

It absolutely is in the wrong, not one thing he has said is remotely justified.

No way should you be having children with this man, he doesnt respect you, you are a glorified babysitter and it'll be even worse if you have a baby with him as it'll be 24/7 for you

You are actually one of the lucky ones as he has shown you who he is already!

She can take a spa day any time she’s not working. She hasn’t got childcare to cover. So she doesn’t need to negotiate. She just says ‘by the way I’m going for a spa day on XYZ’.

Absolutely stop ttc and leave. That's an entitled man child. Honestly tell him you are sick of being his babysitter, tell him you are sick of him not having time for you because of hobbies so you are gone. You are not controlling at all, he is taking advantage.