DH wants to be a teenager, no time for me… aibu?

This here. OP, you need to get out of this 'arrangement' (I can't call it a relationship because this man sees you entirely as a nanny/housekeeper with a fanny). If you have a child - and I can see why he's keen for you to do this, because it cements your role in the house - it will only get far, far worse.

lol
he saw you coming
his life just continues as before with his hobbies and stuff. cos you facilitate it

he’s a shit partner and an even shittier father as the week he is supposed to have the kids your looking after them

What are you doing? Please wise up. He says doing the jobs you usually do as being a house bitch. This is what he thinks you are. Please do not have a child with this man. Pick up what’s left of your self respect and leave as fast as you can. Once you’ve done this get some therapy to work on your self esteem.

Honestly, he is revolting. Manipulative, gas lighting, bullying. You can do so, so much better than this and have an actual relationship. It will be unbearable if you have your own kids with him.
please listen to all the posts and put yourself first, you deserve it.

This has to stop, and it has to stop now. When do you get time to go off and do your own thing? We would ALL like to act like teenagers for the day. In fact, me and DP often do, when it's just me and him at the weekend, we'll stay in bed for hours, then spend the day gaming (we are both gamers, which helps massively) and order a pizza in the evening.

But that is when we have nothing else - at all - to do. Not when we're leaving someone at home looking after our kids.

Gaming as a hobby is not an issue, though I know a lot of people just hate the thought of it. It's like anything else - it BECOMES an issue when it starts taking time away from things you should be doing.

He might want to be a teenager, but newsflash, he isn't. He has children. This needs spelling out to him very, very clearly - or it's over.

Can I ask how you got into a relationship with this man in the first place, @Turtleneckhead? What was it that attracted you to him? What did he bring to your life then? And what does he bring to your life now?

From the outside looking in he seems to have no redeeming qualities whatsoever: it’s like if you put together a list of all the things you absolutely wouldn’t want in a man as a partner, that’s him.

You made an extremely good decision to post about him on here because this is a really good place to get support with this kind of relationship; so please do carry on engaging with what women here are saying to you, till you can start to realise that it’s not you that’s the problem here. It’s most definitely him; all him.

And you would be so much better off without him. As you deserve to be.

@Turtleneckhead
Some "men" are hard work aren't they?
And I consider him is a selfish "Peter pan wannabe"
Cut your losses and leave this loser
To get lost in never-never land

He is an immature twat and an all around disgusting human. Sports coach energy.

Well done for posting here. It is time for you to start thinking for yourself and believing yourself. You can see clear as day on this thread that your husband’s behaviour is manipulative, selfish and completely unacceptable by any standards. This is the truth to hold on to, regardless of what he says in the future.

Get rid of him and be grateful you haven’t conceived with him.

You are going to be so miserable if you have a baby with this manipulator. Get out now.

I haven’t read the full thread, but from what I have read it sounds like classic gaslighting to me. He’s selfish, doesn’t want to do anything in the house, wants to go out all the time and leave you looking after his children and then turns it all on its head by calling you selfish and blaming you for not feeling like a family. You end up believing him and thinking you’re at fault. Gaslighting.

He's is showing you clearly what type of father he is. Believe him and don't have babies with him.

Abject loser, video games are such time sinks and I say that as someone who enjoys playing one game in particular. I was never a gamer but I could easily lose hours playing that game, and when I say lose I mean it, I gained nothing bodily and mentally from playing other than to switch off. Its fine to switch off for a while but your husband and is switching off from his real life way too much.

Why aren't you confronting him? I also would worry he'll never stop being like this as he already has kids so knows what it takes to raise them and be there for them properly, he already puts hobbies in on his days with them and you're doing the babysitting!! If he can't see he gets ample time to himself now then he never will tbh. He already has a majorly cushy life.

Believe me, it feels a hundred times worse when you’ve had children with someone like this. You’re free to walk away now, if you have a baby you’re trapped with him in your life for 20+ years. Even if you split up he’ll still be manipulating you and using your children to do it.

Run for the hills.

There is no obviously you have to stay in for DH’s kids while he does his hobbies.

There are conversations to be had, there can be agreements but there should not be sulking if you do not agree to do this for him

you get to decide what kind of life you want. Are you sure this kind of life, where you are doing childcare for someone who doesn’t prioritise his time with you, is the kind you want? It will never get any better, this is who he is.

The only obviously here is that if you are foolish enough to have a baby with him, you will end up doing all the parenting. HTH

Sorry wrong reply meant to attach to a post by @Turtleneckhead

Then say okay if it makes someone a housebitch to keep a shared space clean, why should it be me all the time? Why should I be okay with it?

One person can only he as free (and selfish)as he is if someone else picks up the slack. These men who act like, check out like this, can't seem to extrapolate that they can only do so because someone else, aka you, are filling the gaps they leave, be that gaps in housework, gaps in childcare (for HIS kids mind you). Gross gross gross.

OP you have nothing to be confused about. Read your own replies and get rid of him.

Why on earth are you trying to inflict this 'father' on yet another innocent child. Its totally irresponsible of you.

When he described his ideal day, he was also telling you that he doesn't even LIKE you, or being in your company. He would pay for you to go to a spa day - not because he's thinking of what YOU want, but because his ideally day doesn't even involve having meals with you. That is not a relationship let alone an equal and loving partnership.

He wants to be a teenager and he wants you to facilitate it. No wonder his Mum hopes you will do it, otherwise he will simply turn to her for support.

Please, please sort out contraception now (although I don't understand why you'd want to have sex with a lazy, manipulative, man-child).

So via his charming way of thinking, does he class you as a House Bitch!

Leave him OP, he is vile. Did he love bomb the life out of you at first?

Why did you marry him? He sounds a total wanker.

Step one - stop ttc

Step two - stop looking after someone else’s children so they can have lovely time pursuing their hobbies every night of the week.

I don’t want to be harsh, but he’s taking the piss, massively, and you sound like a total doormat.

Again, I’m a SAHM and my DH still manages to fill/empty the dishwasher if it needs doing, make the kids their tea if I’m busy! If he ever referred to himself doing those jobs as a “house bitch” he’d sharp find out the meaning of the word as I wouldn’t be lifting a finger for his laundry, meals or dishes!

please leave him and you will find your mood and confidence improves massively!

Oh my god don't have children with this man he's awful

Exactly this.