Boomer parents who don't help their children

So why is it her daughter hasnt a pot to piss in? Has her own lifestyle contributed to it? Does she work? Could she find a way to better herself without expecting handouts?

Of course it is unreasonable to watch your child going without while you are living in luxury. If my adult child couldn't afford to put the heating on, of course I'd be bunging them the odd cheque and picking up the bill when eating out. I'm so grateful my family are generous to each other.

I don't think her selfishness is a specific "boomer" behaviour, and the boyfriend has got nothing to do with it really. Selfish adults just make selfish parents. I wonder who will inherit when she dies and/or whether there will be a late-in-life wedding.

Because the children of those families continue the work ethic which would mean they are contributing to the family wealth. They're not at Spoons crying in their all you can eat platter about why mum didn't pay for their refill.

Yes @LoveItaly I totally agree (I am also white British).

I am a "boomer", the so-called generation has nothing to do with it. There are people with different views on money and the sharing of it in every "generation". I, for example, fully supported my stepchildren for nearly 20 years (because they were people who were very much deserving of the kind of education their mother could never have paid for), and now they have graduated from university I fully support my parents (because they have been useless with money all their lives and in their 80s have literally nothing to their name, not even pensions). I have friends and colleagues the same age as me who would never have contemplated doing either of those things. I also know many younger people who have been very generous with other members of their family.

This seems to me to be a bit of a white and western attitude (maybe just in the UK), this not caring for other family members. When you look at how Indian, Pakistani and Chinese families, for example, stick together and support each other (not saying it is always a good thing), and try to pass on wealth down the generations, and it’s not hard to see how fragmented many white families in the UK are in comparison.

The attitude from many on this forum seems to be that once children are 18, they should have no expectations of help (financial or otherwise), support, accommodation etc, and doing so is ‘grabby’. I think it’s so sad, how can an extremely wealthy parent see their children struggling and not want to help, something has gone really wrong in White British culture and we’d benefit from being a bit more like other ethnic groups we have here in this regard.

Am white British myself, for context.

This

Those twats who like to throw agist boomer comments should get fuck all from their parents. It's as bad as those who use karen as an insult.

Nobody is entitled to another person's money. End of conversation.

I think by boomer it’s relevant and refers to an age of propel who could raise kids on one income, buy a house on 3x a salary and generally live better.

op, Mumsnet seems to hate parents supporting or helping their adults kids but I don’t. I think your MIL is shocking.

This. Absolutely.

I think it's fair to say this is a specific generational trait even if you don't like the term boomer.

You might think it's "all parents" doing it but the current cohort of parents who have kids in their 30s are boomers. This is an age where life is very expensive, you've got young kids, a big new mortgage, working hard at work, probably also student loans. An injection of money at this point could, for example, mean the difference between affording 2 kids or 3. Or being able to have mum home with the kids or working part time while they're young, picking them up from school instead of sending 5yos to ASC until 6pm. It's a huge quality of life changer.

In previous generations helping your children was the default. The specific generation we're talking about is one which highly values independence as a sign of good character and as a trait which will set one up for success, probably because those things did set one up for success in the 80s/90s when they had young kids.

(My own parents have helped me out to the extent they've been able, this isn't coming from a place of bitterness.)

OP posted in 2024 - and on that occasion the selfish Boomer was her own mother, and herself and her DH were the ones on the bones of their arse, not being able to afford Christmas gifts and couldn’t put the heating on in the winter. OP said in that thread that she was 56, so would be around 58 now.

Now that the OP has been outed, I am still appalled by the amount of grown adults who think that they are entitled to others money and make excuses for why someone has and they have not.

I am embarrassed to be a part of my own generation. What did you do with your youth that you begrudge your parents? Were you sat on your arses playing Sonic the Hedgehog all day and hoping your parents would die so you could upgrade your console?

The market was easy for them....they had different things going for them....bleah, bleah.

The housing market crash in the 70s didn't happen, I guess. Our parents or grandparents had no hardships, I guess. They were all born from the Royal Family and we're all Prince Harry. The Spare but not the Heir.

It's so cringe.

This for me. It is their money. They can do what they want. DPs mum is like this. She is absolutely minted yet wouldnt give DP or his sister a dime to help. When she visits she demands a meal out on us.

Ive stopped it. Ive told her when she visits I will cook. Its not that I begrudge treating someone, I am pretty generous and do always foot the bill in those situations but I will not have someone demanding it.

Again, she can do what she wants with her money but if it was me I couldn't sit back and watch DS struggle ever.

Why do you assume people born between 1946 and 1964 have similar personality traits? How bizarre.

Are people born 18 years before or after you the same as you?

She inherited a business and house herself? I suspect it has nothing to do with her being a boomer and everything to do with her being a bit of a cunt.

Literally came to say this.

The kids should be grateful that they will one day see part of those millions in inheritance, and in the meantime be working out how to stand on their own two feet and build the life they want without sponging off anyone else.

I used to think this. Now I think I will help my DC if I judge they are hardworking and not CFs.

Both are, actually.

It is quite unusual for a parent to not want to help their child if they are so well off. Could it be that SIL has made poor choices and MIL doesn’t approve?! Could it be that MIL feels she gave SIL the opportunities to make a career for herself but she didn’t make any use of it.

I have a friend who makes terrible financial decisions, he has £12K debt. His parents are no more. His only living relative is an uncle who is worth £600K. My friend helped his Uncle with the sale of his home. The uncle lives in a care home now. My friend has POA for his Uncle. Last week the Uncle told him once he dies my friend will get a small amount, about £10K and all the rest of the money is going to a tree planting charity. The Uncle was pretty rude and said he thought my friend had always made poor financial decisions and he was not going to help him. When asked whether he would consider leaving his grand niece something, the Uncle said he didn’t really know the child so would be leaving her nothing. So you can’t really control what ppl do with their money. Hope your MiL leaves SIL something eventually but she could just give it all to the boyfriend or a charity.

Your MIL sounds horrible. But then again, I think our generation (Gen X) have always known we'd have to help our own kids out. It wasn't like that with Boomers who had everything handed to them on a plate (at least, if middle class - free university, a strong jobs market, being able to walk into a good job, cheap housing, being able to support a household on one wage, final salary pensions) and just seemed to assume that's how it is for everyone. My own parents have never helped me out either, and kicked me out of home to fend for myself at 18, so that they could spend all their own money on trips to Malaga. They clearly love Malaga a lot more than me!

Now, weirdly, they seem to think I am rich, despite being a single mum on a very average wage. But it suits them to believe that.

I feel for your SIL. I don't think I could sit there and listen to my tight-arsed mother blathering on about her luxury trips and not at least make a few snarky comments.

Parents - boomer or otherwise - earned their own money and can spend their own money how they like.

People who expect help from their parents in the way of time or money are entitled CF's. If you want more money get a better job. If you want time do something different so your time works for you.

STOP sponging off other people and stop being a CF.

Yup. And ‘Boomer’ thrown in for dramatic effect.

You are your SIL.