Family lacking manners, or just me?

Send them a bill

they do sound rude - however I would have directed a bit more if obvious no one going to help with clearing up.

meal finished - bob can you bring house plates thiroufh. Betty can you grab the glasses for me. James can you grab the left over meat and bring to the kitchen. might have helped people to realise a little help was in order.

No, YANBU - that’s incredibly rude behaviour on their part. They should all have brought wine, chocolates and / or pudding. And most definitely should have said thank you.

No good deed goes unpunished it seems!

I think inviting other people to your do is astonishingly rude!

Yes, definitely this, too!

Did your guests have a nice time? They’ll probably have gone away with happy memories of your hospitality - even if they haven’t said so.

I agree! That's probably the worst bit of their entitled behaviour.

The lack of any effort even to take plates and glasses into the kitchen and the extra guests without asking is enough ill manners for me.

That’s incredibly rude - how did the meal go itself? Did they at least show some appreciation while gobbling down the food you went to so much trouble to produce? Did they say thank you as they left?

It’s so mean not to bring a bottle or chocs and dreadful not to help clear up or send a thank you text. Were they young adults? I think you have no idea how much effort a meal like that is until you’ve catered for other people yourself. Even so though, no excuse at all!

@LetterBetter I'd 'only' invited 10 of them (I felt 10 was enough to cater for!) but then they invited 5 more between themselves.

Surely you don't mean they just turned up ?! Or did they tell you they were bringing more?

Why did you do this for relatives you're not close to. Dont do it again. Theyve been rude

If they never host and are never normally hosted by friends or rellies they probably don’t know you take something for the host. What’s very obvious in some households /families may not be in others

When did you find out the extras were coming? If they randomly appeared I think I would have made it quite clear and would have probably been rude myself in saying quite loudly I wasn't expecting so many people, same with the dog.
I think I also would have made some dig about the plates and told people where to take them.

You sound like a lovely person and clearly a good host which they all took advantage of. If they mention doing it again it would definitely be a no.

If you invited 10 you should now be expecting at least 5 return invitations for lunch at their homes? See how they do. Don't forget to take your friends ( unannounced). Oh, and your dog.

Don’t be such a pushover.

Someone wants to bring a dog? You say no.

Someone wants to bring an extra person? You say no.

If you make it so easy for people to walk all over you then you cannot complain when they do.

That's really rude, my parents always drilled into me that I should never turn up to someone's house empty handed. I always do this and have drilled it into my kids and they also do the same. Even if my mate just invited me for a quick coffee, I always arrive with a packet of her favourite biscuits.

We were recently invited to a friend's bbq so ds went to the corner shop & bought chocolates and flowers. I didn't ask him to do this, he's seen me doing it enough times that he knew what was expected. We also individually followed up with a thank you afterwards.

Your relatives were rude and entitled, I wouldn't invite them back again.

All of it was rude but especially inviting another five people between them! Did they run that past you first?

I've had similar before and it really feels horrible. I just stopped putting in so much effort for people dont appreciate or reciprocate.

Apart from the 3 points you make OP, bringing extra people and a dog without reference to you is also very rude.

Don't invite these people again

This is incredibly rude of them, but unfortunately not unusual. I would hazard a guess that they don’t host themselves and have absolutely no clue how much work and cost it entails.
for about a decade with my old uni friends my house became the party house. A few would some times bring a dish, none brought more drink than they consumed, and on the time I decided ‘enough’ was when I was rushing around like a headless chicken I think getting loo roll for someone and on the way there someone else asked me for something else and I looked up and saw all my friends having a right giggle about something - which I had missed all of for hours - I thought fuck this. I never hosted again, slowly dropped the whole lot of them, and found new friends who reciprocated

Sound like a bunch of ferals

Agree with the North thing, i am North and would never routinely take a gift if someone was hosting (i learnt this is a thing on MN) and definitely not take anything to a family gathering nor would i expect it, obviously if it was birthday etc i would take a birthday gift. I would however say do you want anything bringing/ doing and if the answer if yes take said items.

I would definitely say thank you to whoever was hosting but probably verbally as leaving rather than text.

With regards to tidying up, i would definitely offer to help tidy.

I'm from the North and would always take a gift.