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AIBU?

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Whats the point of consent and asking permission if you get lied to

580 replies

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 17:52

Whats the point of consent and permission ? friends meal and they cover the cost, they said here is x amount get what you want, so permission is asked what the limit is eg £20 and i can get whatever food / takeaway with it, the yes permission is given that i can buy what i want within the budget.

turns out a day or two after wards a sarcastic comment was made because i had 2 jacket potatoes with different toppings, so i said why is that an issue and it turns out that they still thought id get one instead of two ,

so i said i asked permission of what the budget was and i did ask what i could get then all i got was oh id still thought you would get 1 so i said why then say i can get x why not just say and be honest.

i guess this is more me moaning but why do people do this, say yes to x then they actually want you do to x instead its like why ?

before anyone asks we usually do a weekly meal out, and no they are fairly wealthy

OP posts:
shrunkenhead · Yesterday 21:58

Who eats TWO jacket potatoes?! ! You ordered two meals. Pub/restaurant portions are already larger than what most people would eat at home. Did you manage to finish them both??
You took the mick, OP.

BudgetBuster · Yesterday 21:55

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 21:40

no it was i thought you would only order 1 potatoe rather than 2

So she didn't actually moan... she made a factual comment?

MademoisellePraline · Yesterday 21:54

FaceEatingLeopard · Yesterday 21:45

Bugger me backwards is this still going on?

In a nutshell:

OP is repeatedly greedy when someone else is picking up the bill. The friend hasn't actually moaned but expressed surprise as how much excess OP seems happy to order on more than one occasion. OP has no shame and just takes and takes. OP never makes any genuine effort to actually pay, knowing (because her friend actually has manners/etiquette) that the friend will say "No, no, I've got this" and OP just sits back and takes advantage every week. Then plays the "oh but she insisted" card.

OP claims she is "baffled" at her friend's "cryptic" instructions. Frankly, the two jacket potatoes have grasped it by now.

BeardySchnauzer · Yesterday 21:54

MatriarchCaz · Yesterday 21:52

A battered sausage once a week seems a bit much?!?!?!

🤣 tbf I’m vegetarian

i guess growing up it was a bit of a treat and we didn’t/don’t really eat deep fried food so I guess I'm the anomaly!

MatriarchCaz · Yesterday 21:52

BeardySchnauzer · Yesterday 21:47

Really? I’ll happily eat a chip shop supper but they’re quite heavy! I can see why OP opted for a JP as a battered sausage once a week seems a bit much

A battered sausage once a week seems a bit much?!?!?!

BlackCat14 · Yesterday 21:51

BeardySchnauzer · Yesterday 21:47

Really? I’ll happily eat a chip shop supper but they’re quite heavy! I can see why OP opted for a JP as a battered sausage once a week seems a bit much

I could quite easily once a week!

BeardySchnauzer · Yesterday 21:50

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 21:50

yep

Says it all really

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 21:50

BeardySchnauzer · Yesterday 21:45

So you read between the lines and decided she meant you were greedy

yep

OP posts:
MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 21:49

FaceEatingLeopard · Yesterday 21:45

Bugger me backwards is this still going on?

its been a good debate, and yes im in the wrong

OP posts:
MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 21:48

troothfairy · Yesterday 21:44

For the love of god OP, take on board what people are saying to you. You’re clearly bad with social cues so listen to what most posters are saying: you’re taking the piss by allowing your friend to always pay, and you’re greedy.

Oh, and CF has always been Cheeky Fucker, but you’ll probably not take that on board either, even though you are one.

fair points i also seen it used as clusterfuck

OP posts:
BeardySchnauzer · Yesterday 21:47

MatriarchCaz · Yesterday 21:41

I could, couldn't most of us?

Really? I’ll happily eat a chip shop supper but they’re quite heavy! I can see why OP opted for a JP as a battered sausage once a week seems a bit much

FaceEatingLeopard · Yesterday 21:45

Bugger me backwards is this still going on?

BeardySchnauzer · Yesterday 21:45

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 21:40

no it was i thought you would only order 1 potatoe rather than 2

So you read between the lines and decided she meant you were greedy

troothfairy · Yesterday 21:44

For the love of god OP, take on board what people are saying to you. You’re clearly bad with social cues so listen to what most posters are saying: you’re taking the piss by allowing your friend to always pay, and you’re greedy.

Oh, and CF has always been Cheeky Fucker, but you’ll probably not take that on board either, even though you are one.

BlackCat14 · Yesterday 21:42

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 21:36

the point i have is why say to someone order what you want and then when you do order what you want they then moan about being greedy etc

When they said “order what you want” they meant “order what meal you want.” They were happy for you to order whatever meal you wanted, but didn’t expect you to order TWO.

If I was out for coffee with a friend and said I’d buy her a drink, I would mean she can pick any drink off the menu, anything at all. Iced coffee, hot chocolate, pot of tea, matcha…absolutely whatever she wants. But if she ordered TWO I’d be rather put out!

Endoadnowarrior · Yesterday 21:42

I am Audhd and I can see why you found the response confusing.

I think the issue is that your friend won't have anticipated that you would ever order 2 jacket potatoes with different toppings because that's just not a typical "meal". It doesnt sound like they were being cryptic with their "get what you want, up to x' you just chose something unexpected!

It's weird because if you'd orderd 2 potatoes with the SAME filling, because you could see the potatoes were small/medium and you were hungrier than one, I bet noone would have batted an eyelid.

Or got a jacket potato with a side salad even.

It's "unwritten" rules of both social norms and etiquette at play here, and whilst neither of you are wrong in your interpretation of events, your expectations were clearly different.

For me i try to remember that when I am buying my own things, I can buy whatever random combinations and volumes that I like, but when someone else is paying, ill follow their lead to some extent... e.g. if they're getting a light bite or sandwich etc I wouldn't then order a roast!

As for them always offering to pay, I'd suggest saying ah thanks, but let me get the coffees/drinks or puddings etc

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 21:42

MatriarchCaz · Yesterday 21:41

I could, couldn't most of us?

especially if its only once a week

OP posts:
MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 21:41

MademoisellePraline · Yesterday 21:40

They didn't even moan did they. Commenting you've ordered extras on top of an already generously offered free lunch, isn't moaning. It's pointing out how rude and greedy you are by doing so, because you appear to be quite shameless.

Then having to comment again because you want to play "I don't need to educate myself on social etiquette" and claim it's baffling why ordering 2 lunches is rude when again someone's generously offered to buy you one. How you aren't utterly embarrassed by how grabby you look, is quite something.

In literally any social circle (social norm) if someone said "lunch is on me" and someone said "what's the budget", they would be considered crass and grabby. Most people know how deeply unacceptable that is.

Are you now aware of this OP? Even if you still insist it's baffling, can you accept that enough people have told you this behaviour is not within the norms of social etiquette?

yes ill admit thank you all for re-educating me on social norms even if they are strange

OP posts:
MatriarchCaz · Yesterday 21:41

BeardySchnauzer · Yesterday 21:36

Off topic, but I’m curious how you can stomach a fish and chip shop lunch every week!!

I could, couldn't most of us?

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 21:40

BeardySchnauzer · Yesterday 21:37

Did she actually use the word ‘greedy’?

no it was i thought you would only order 1 potatoe rather than 2

OP posts:
MademoisellePraline · Yesterday 21:40

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 21:30

it was a few weeks ago so my memory of their precise words is not precise

They didn't even moan did they. Commenting you've ordered extras on top of an already generously offered free lunch, isn't moaning. It's pointing out how rude and greedy you are by doing so, because you appear to be quite shameless.

Then having to comment again because you want to play "I don't need to educate myself on social etiquette" and claim it's baffling why ordering 2 lunches is rude when again someone's generously offered to buy you one. How you aren't utterly embarrassed by how grabby you look, is quite something.

In literally any social circle (social norm) if someone said "lunch is on me" and someone said "what's the budget", they would be considered crass and grabby. Most people know how deeply unacceptable that is.

Are you now aware of this OP? Even if you still insist it's baffling, can you accept that enough people have told you this behaviour is not within the norms of social etiquette?

WhatNoRaisins · Yesterday 21:39

OP eating with a friend is supposed to be fun. This sounds joyless. You need to either take back control by buying your own food and eating what you want or by sacking this off.

murasaki · Yesterday 21:39

BeardySchnauzer · Yesterday 21:37

Did she actually use the word ‘greedy’?

If she didn't, she should have done. With reference to the money as well as two dinner sid.

ImmortalSnowman · Yesterday 21:38

She's getting it for free @BeardySchnauzer that's how.

ShetlandishMum · Yesterday 21:37

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 21:36

the point i have is why say to someone order what you want and then when you do order what you want they then moan about being greedy etc

Jesus wept.