Page 9 | AIBU to refuse to cut short our holiday for childcare?

UnhealthierWhy · 2026-08-08T11:20:52+00:00

This is not our problem ??? We are on holiday currently with our 2 dc (2 and 4) (Disney Paris) due back home on Wednesday. Dh has 2 older dc from previous marriage (6 and 8). He gave his ex money for holiday childcare which she ‘forgot’ to book the first week so I had to look after dc which was fine as dh had work. Next week her mum was going to have the dc but is now unwell. She is telling dh he needs to come home early to have the dc as she can’t take the time off. She is constantly messaging and calling and we are considering just turning our phones off if she continues pestering us this way. This seems to be a regular thing with her not arranging childcare and then expecting us to rescue the situation which we try to accomodate if we can but this is the first time we’ve said no.

LeedsLoiner · 09/08/2026 13:27

PinkEasterbunny · 09/08/2026 09:18

And just to add - this is MN at its worst, the OP asks a question about a specific issue, then everyone starts pulling peripheral issues to pieces

All men can be misogynistic but to do it properly you need a woman.

LeedsLoiner · 09/08/2026 12:58

Moonnstarz · 08/08/2026 12:25

Sounds like she is annoyed he didn't take his older kids with you (was there a reason for this?).

I don't really understand why DH gives her money to pay for childcare. Especially knowing she is flakey. Next time I think he should book it himself then he knows it's done and she can't try making excuses about forgetting.

So much for women’s empowerment. She’s an adult/parent. She deals with it

EmeraldShamrock000 · 09/08/2026 12:53

igelkott2026 · 09/08/2026 11:54

I wouldn't be very happy having to entertain the two older children when I've got a toddler to deal with too. The OP has two children, not four and she's allowed to spend time with them on their own. Also is she not allowed to just take one out somewhere and leave the other one with DH/other relative/friend/at school/at nursery?

Who knew that if you had more than one child you had to take them all everywhere at all times, stepchildren or otherwise.

Glad I only had one child with one man and avoided all this blended nonsense.

I think that I would consider that before getting pregnant for a man who had a 3 year old and a 1 year old to raise, they didn’t have one baby, they had two, completely selfish father.

If you are going to blend with an already broken family then you need to be compromise. The stress may be too much for the relationship to last, will he go and impregnate another woman? He’s not exactly the forward thinking kind.

MiaKulper · 09/08/2026 12:51

igelkott2026 · 09/08/2026 11:54

I wouldn't be very happy having to entertain the two older children when I've got a toddler to deal with too. The OP has two children, not four and she's allowed to spend time with them on their own. Also is she not allowed to just take one out somewhere and leave the other one with DH/other relative/friend/at school/at nursery?

Who knew that if you had more than one child you had to take them all everywhere at all times, stepchildren or otherwise.

Glad I only had one child with one man and avoided all this blended nonsense.

It's the MN step-parenting rules.

Step-kids need holiday with their mum. holiday with just their dad, and must be treated as full family members of both families.

The step-mum's children get one holiday with their mum and dad, with half-siblings given plenty of 1-2-1 with their dad.

ClairDeLaLune · 09/08/2026 12:16

YANBU to not rush back from holiday to help out.

YABU for not taking his older kids with you on holiday. Taking them away for only 4 days is pathetic. And sad for them. They’re second class citizens in your house aren’t they?

igelkott2026 · 09/08/2026 11:54

I wouldn't be very happy having to entertain the two older children when I've got a toddler to deal with too. The OP has two children, not four and she's allowed to spend time with them on their own. Also is she not allowed to just take one out somewhere and leave the other one with DH/other relative/friend/at school/at nursery?

Who knew that if you had more than one child you had to take them all everywhere at all times, stepchildren or otherwise.

Glad I only had one child with one man and avoided all this blended nonsense.

utahsainthood · 09/08/2026 11:45

If she has a partner why isn’t he helping with her DC?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/08/2026 11:43

I have just read your updates and my reply was a bit harsh. I can see he does take big kids on holiday too!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/08/2026 11:40

It’s very mean that the big kids aren’t included on this holiday in my opinion, then the childcare would be sorted. The age gaps aren’t that big.

if dad thinks that holidaying with some of his kids is more important than the livelihood of his other kids parent that’s on him. Her mum is ill it’s not her fault.
if he doesn’t help in any way (he could fly home early, without you, or he could send a family member to help) then kids will make their mind up about how serious a parent he is.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 09/08/2026 11:28

The timeline doesn’t make sense to me either, the children are stepping stones in years, from two different mothers.
Why did he not wait until he raised his children to be a little older.

I don't buy the 'in the space of 2 years the XW was having an affair and left, the DD2 was born and DNA tested, the DH met and procreated with OP (DD3) and they had that baby'.
This, or some of it, was during COVID.

Neither do I. If it is correct, this father is irresponsible as now there are 4 children.
He needs to consider the snip if he can’t stop impregnating women.

If he was female, he’d be judged for it.

greenpolkadot55 · 09/08/2026 11:08

You both sound like good parents. So the only way I can see that you are BU. is by taking notice of the numpty comments on here.
As others have said..turn your phones off and have a good time.

Bamboozledbylife · 09/08/2026 11:01

PinkDaffs · 09/08/2026 08:09

This ridiculous vilification of the OP is completely unfounded.

Time and time again you see this on Mumsnet, and I'd be willing to bet that all those telling the OP she is controlling her husband and that he would have liked all the children on this holiday are the same ones who think that step-children should ALWAYS be prioritised above all else.

Did you not hear her clearly telling you that DP went on holiday last year with his two kids to the same place so that they could enjoy their break without it being impacted by the needs of his youngest two? If this were a different thread, he would be being praised for this. Instead, some of you are finding a way to use it to castigate the OP. The way stepmothers are treated on this site is absolutely appalling.

It isn't ideal when any household separates but, when they do, that then IS the reality for all parties, including the children. Having children who don't live with you full time and others who do is really difficult for everyone concerned but it isn't the job of OP and her DP to pick up the slack for the children's mother when they're on a planned holiday which she knew about, especially when they've already done so without complaint earlier in the summer break.

Actually cannot get my head round the made up BS some of you are spouting about this OP on this thread.

100% this 🙌

Bamboozledbylife · 09/08/2026 10:59

Some of the replies are hilarious from the people saying there's more to it, demanding to know your history, why don't you have DSC with you etc. FFS. OP has given all relevant details.

OP do not leave your holiday. She is trying to dictate your life and holiday. Any reasonable person wouldn't do this.

WhistPie · 09/08/2026 10:45

Velumental · 09/08/2026 09:43

I'm assuming the reason ops husband gave the mum money to organise childcare is because the holiday falls during the brief spell of time he sees his children. Why is it their mother's job to organise that? If it's during his time it's his job.

I actually think he's feckless and she's petty. (Their mother) And I absolutely feel for the kids. But she has them 20/30 days of the month and it's sounds like 6/8 weeks of the summer holiday if op had them for 1 week and they've paid for childcare while away. I imagine she's pretty busy comparatively.

Dunno, find it hard to blame the parent who is actually there with them

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Assume = making things up to fit my own narrative

WhistPie · 09/08/2026 10:44

Itchysidefoot · 09/08/2026 09:37

If I was a parent seeing my child 10 days a month, and I was concerned about the welfare of my children, I might have been motivated by now to go for at least 50/50.

The father hasn’t though

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He lives a good distance away because their mother moved.

OP and the children's father are trying to move closer to the father's older children.

I would think that them living a distance away precludes 50/50 due to keeping the children in school - prioritising their education (perhaps you don't value education so this wouldn't be important to you)

PinkEasterbunny · 09/08/2026 10:43

PinkDaffs · 09/08/2026 08:09

This ridiculous vilification of the OP is completely unfounded.

Time and time again you see this on Mumsnet, and I'd be willing to bet that all those telling the OP she is controlling her husband and that he would have liked all the children on this holiday are the same ones who think that step-children should ALWAYS be prioritised above all else.

Did you not hear her clearly telling you that DP went on holiday last year with his two kids to the same place so that they could enjoy their break without it being impacted by the needs of his youngest two? If this were a different thread, he would be being praised for this. Instead, some of you are finding a way to use it to castigate the OP. The way stepmothers are treated on this site is absolutely appalling.

It isn't ideal when any household separates but, when they do, that then IS the reality for all parties, including the children. Having children who don't live with you full time and others who do is really difficult for everyone concerned but it isn't the job of OP and her DP to pick up the slack for the children's mother when they're on a planned holiday which she knew about, especially when they've already done so without complaint earlier in the summer break.

Actually cannot get my head round the made up BS some of you are spouting about this OP on this thread.

Amen.

The voice of common sense (there has not been much common sense on this thread).

WhistPie · 09/08/2026 10:38

Velumental · 09/08/2026 09:00

Oh really. How interesting.

Did you work together?

Your eldest child and youngest stepchild, is the gape more or less than 2 years?

How soon after the split did you start dating?

I dunno there's lots of withholding negative information here.

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You really are nosey aren't you? What has this to do with the mother's childcare issues?

IDrinkTeaAllTheTime · 09/08/2026 10:36

Kingdomofsleep · 08/08/2026 13:19

She cheated on him when she had a newborn? That seems unusual

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It might be unusual, but it does happen. It happened between my ex SIL and ex BIL (my ex’s brother). She started an affair with a colleague when their youngest was about 12 weeks old.

She’s married to OM now and they have a child together. Ex BIL is also with someone else and has 2 kids with her. A lot of kids and a lot of chaos for me, but it worked out for them.

Sorry to derail your thread, OP. YANBU, by the way - the ex wife needs to sort childcare during her time with the kids and is massively unreasonable to expect you to deprive your own kids of a holiday because of her inability to plan.

I doubt she’d do the same for you.

knottywig · 09/08/2026 10:31

itstooorangeyforcrows · 09/08/2026 01:44

That's a matter of opinion.

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did you miss the bit where I said my personal view? You know, the comment you replied to all uppety?😆🤣

TheWorthyNewt · 09/08/2026 10:13

Velumental · 09/08/2026 09:00

Oh really. How interesting.

Did you work together?

Your eldest child and youngest stepchild, is the gape more or less than 2 years?

How soon after the split did you start dating?

I dunno there's lots of withholding negative information here.

Show quote history

None of your business. It's to do with his ex being awkward and not arranging proper child care.

SylvanMoon · 09/08/2026 09:51

Velumental · 09/08/2026 09:00

Oh really. How interesting.

Did you work together?

Your eldest child and youngest stepchild, is the gape more or less than 2 years?

How soon after the split did you start dating?

I dunno there's lots of withholding negative information here.

Show quote history

None of this is any of our business and it's irrelevant to the question the OP has asked. You're just trying to goad her into saying something, anything, that you and others like you, will use to then crucify her for her decisions. She and her partner are behaving in an eminently sensible way in regards to how they are treating both their children and her step children. The step-children's mother is the one who needs calling out, not this woman.

NewGirlInTown · 09/08/2026 09:51

KitsyWitsy · 08/08/2026 13:21

They are missing out on this holiday though. If their dad is on holiday, then they should be with him imo. Saying that they want time just their own kids and them is so sad. I was an older stepchild too. It fucking sucks. Poor kids.

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What a ridiculous statement “if their dad is on holiday they should be with him”!
Sounds like OP and her husband are doing a great job with being fair to all of the children, especially with the flaky first wife!
Parents are entitled to do things in life regardless of including their children, first or second set!
Blended families are tricky but they don’t have to do EVERYTHING with ALL of the children at the same time.
Madness.
Well done, OP, you sound kind and generous but you absolutely should protect this holiday with your children. Ignore the disorganised (and thieving?) first wife.
Her problem.

itstooorangeyforcrows · 09/08/2026 09:50

Velumental · 09/08/2026 09:43

I'm assuming the reason ops husband gave the mum money to organise childcare is because the holiday falls during the brief spell of time he sees his children. Why is it their mother's job to organise that? If it's during his time it's his job.

I actually think he's feckless and she's petty. (Their mother) And I absolutely feel for the kids. But she has them 20/30 days of the month and it's sounds like 6/8 weeks of the summer holiday if op had them for 1 week and they've paid for childcare while away. I imagine she's pretty busy comparatively.

Dunno, find it hard to blame the parent who is actually there with them

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And who is either too disorganised to sort out childcare, or manipulative enough to pull this stunt deliberately so she can keep the money?

Velumental · 09/08/2026 09:43

ColadhSamh · 09/08/2026 09:27

@Velumental @Itchysidefoot yet another 2 posters who show no concern for the welfare of 2 children whose mother has failed them yet again.
As @PinkEasterbunny said, the worst.

@UnhealthierWhy good luck. Your step children are lucky to have you. Stepping up to take responsibility when their own mother does not.

I'm assuming the reason ops husband gave the mum money to organise childcare is because the holiday falls during the brief spell of time he sees his children. Why is it their mother's job to organise that? If it's during his time it's his job.

I actually think he's feckless and she's petty. (Their mother) And I absolutely feel for the kids. But she has them 20/30 days of the month and it's sounds like 6/8 weeks of the summer holiday if op had them for 1 week and they've paid for childcare while away. I imagine she's pretty busy comparatively.

Dunno, find it hard to blame the parent who is actually there with them

Itchysidefoot · 09/08/2026 09:37

ColadhSamh · 09/08/2026 09:27

@Velumental @Itchysidefoot yet another 2 posters who show no concern for the welfare of 2 children whose mother has failed them yet again.
As @PinkEasterbunny said, the worst.

@UnhealthierWhy good luck. Your step children are lucky to have you. Stepping up to take responsibility when their own mother does not.

If I was a parent seeing my child 10 days a month, and I was concerned about the welfare of my children, I might have been motivated by now to go for at least 50/50.

The father hasn’t though