AIBU to refuse to cut short our holiday for childcare?

Were OP's children 'second class citizens' when he took his older kids on holiday without his younger ones?

I have no doubt that they knew each other well before the divorce.

I think you may have missed the OP saying she has known her now-husband since well before his divorce; she would therefore have been a witness to his ex's behaviour and have no need to take the cuckolded husband's word for what went on or how his ex behaved.

As she said, "We had been friends for years."

I don't believe it is black and white either, but I certainly don't go along with a narrative that the husband is a total liar and his wife a credulous idiot.

Essentially i think he has presented his ex as a baddie through and through with no redeeming features whereas he is nothing but pure goodness - and I simply don’t believe it is as black and white as that.

Not when it’s involving a man with a 6 year old and a 4 year old with two different women

If it had been at a time he was meant to be looking after the children, yes, he should have booked leave.

Which bit of "it was her time" are you reading as "it was his time"?

For me he lost respect when the op said he preferred to have some holidays as a family unit with the Op and his younger two children without his older two present.

Sure I can understand the Op wanting this
their father? No

The Op has done nothing wrong. Nothing.

Her husband though…. He should have booked time off when his children were either him for the 10 days a month they are and not left it to his partner, the Op (already looking after two very small children)

er, yes, which is why the ex failing to do so and dumping them on his new wife might be seen as a failing in the EX rather than in the husband.

Blimey, you really are scraping the barrel for spurious excuses to be nasty about this man, aren't you.

Itchysidefoot
Why should he provide money for childcare even though it was not for time they were meant to be with him?
Same reason OP was looking after them even though it was not his time to have them: because he and his new wife, unlike their mother, have his children's welfare high in their priorities. perhaps?

Or as OP wrote, "Yes it was her time so she should have really sorted it out but we thought it was better to just help."

Who knows. But she didn’t spend it on its intended purpose we know that much.

Oh yes… it’s another one of her crimes. Probably spent on getting drunk with friends or drugs. But definitely not the children

It’s clearly been discussed with his ex that she would have them. So that IS arranging cover. She has also clearly accepted the money…

This ex… well, we have a litany of crimes. Affair with two teeny tiny babies
Upped sticks and moved far away
Stamping her feet and demanding ex cancels holiday
oh and spends childcare money on…. A night out with girlfriends no doubt will be reported.

I don’t know… maybe I’m just a tiny bit skeptical these days

If the children are meant to be with you… then arranging cover is very much your responsibility

You’d never get to go away at all if you could only go when you don’t have your contact time. It’s perfectly normal that people do this over the holidays. Most people don’t offer money to cover childcare either.

The vibe of the thread is very much that he is a crap father. The

Why would he be providing money for childcare during his holiday UNLESS the children were due to be with him?

and given it’s only 10 days a month… it is likely that his holiday won’t cover all the days he was meant to be caring for them.

Oh dear OP. Mumsnetters HATE step-mums, there’s a lot of bitter first wives.

Don’t go home early, she’ll have to sort something out. She’s a big girl!

In other words a step mum would expect her husband to be a better parent than the mother who cheated on him, broke up their family and cons extra money out of him which she does not use to benefit her children. Not exactly a great role model, is she?

Yawn. I’m glad you think you’re funny, I doubt anyone else does.

Where on earth did you get that from? Nowhere in the OP's posts does she suggest that the holiday she is on is happening during the time her husband has charge of his two elder children.

Actually, "It’s a little frustrating that we have to think about childcare when it’s not our days" and "Yes it was her time so she should have really sorted it out" rather suggest the opposite, don't they.

A woman had an affair while married, such that she was unsure which of two men had fathered her second child; then she left her husband and moved away with her new partner. I think trying to make her inability to arrange childcare for either of two weeks during time she is in charge of her children even though her ex-husband had given her money to pay for that childcare into somehow being her discarded ex-husband's fault is a stretch from here to the Horsehead Nebula.

As for heaping blame on the OP about a perfectly reasonable pre-planned holiday arrangement, I find that weird. (Do people seriously think the ex-wife would have allowed him to take his children with her abroad during her time with them? I mean, really?)

But neither of these is what the OP was asking about; she was asking "Is it reasonable not to cut our children's holiday short because my husband's ex-wife can't get her act together to sort out childcare for her children for three days". I think it would be wildly unfair on the children who are at Disney to cut their holiday short because an adult can't manage to do something huge numbers of people manage to do every day, so I think not penalising the younger children is utterly reasonable.

How long is a “good distance” I wonder

and given he has such previous limited time with the children… how peculiar he chose to book a holiday to clash with the days he has them

He has his children for 10 days a month and he books a holiday to coincide with some of those 10days . Lovely

Why wasn’t he arranging the childcare given he’d selected to go on holiday during the 10days a month he has his children