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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to refuse to cut short our holiday for childcare?

664 replies

UnhealthierWhy · 08/08/2026 12:20

This is not our problem ???

We are on holiday currently with our 2 dc (2 and 4) (Disney Paris) due back home on Wednesday. Dh has 2 older dc from previous marriage (6 and 8).

He gave his ex money for holiday childcare which she ‘forgot’ to book the first week so I had to look after dc which was fine as dh had work. Next week her mum was going to have the dc but is now unwell. She is telling dh he needs to come home early to have the dc as she can’t take the time off.

She is constantly messaging and calling and we are considering just turning our phones off if she continues pestering us this way.

This seems to be a regular thing with her not arranging childcare and then expecting us to rescue the situation which we try to accomodate if we can but this is the first time we’ve said no.

OP posts:
Original poster
UnhealthierWhy · 09/08/2026 18:29

Itchysidefoot · 09/08/2026 17:59

Does this ex have any redeeming features al all? At the moment we have a pregnant cheater who moves far away from her children’s father, who demands he returns home because she’s disorganised and of course cheats him out of money.

By the way… what did you decide? Mobiles off?

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Just on silent in the bottom of my bag. We check every so often just in case as turning them off means it’s a pain when taking photos and if there was any kind of emergency we want to know obviously.

OP posts:
Itchysidefoot · 09/08/2026 18:28

Biscuitjockey · 09/08/2026 18:26

Aye thanks , Are you? Why should they cut the holiday short because the mother’s incapable of making sure she has childcare. What don’t you understand?

Calm down

Not remotely what I think or indeed any other poster thinks the op should pack up and come home

Biscuitjockey · 09/08/2026 18:26

Aye thanks , Are you? Why should they cut the holiday short because the mother’s incapable of making sure she has childcare. What don’t you understand?

Itchysidefoot · 09/08/2026 18:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Are you alright?

Lollipop81 · 09/08/2026 18:23

So your on holiday in Disneyland without them. They are only 6 and 8, this seems so cruel to me. So yes you are unreasonable as they should be with you.
As for saying your always ‘helping out’ they are your husbands children, it’s not helping out is it.
I feel sorry for the children imagine your dad taking your younger siblings to Disneyland but not you.

Crazylady80 · 09/08/2026 18:21

She will never learn if you always bail her out. You need to stand firm and say no. It’s as much for her good as it is for yours. On your return, don’t pander to her, especially if she’s the type to use emotional blackmail. Make it clear that it’s on her and that she caused the problem. Keep it simple, factual and just repeat.

Next time, she will have a backup plan that is not you, if she knows you will not change plans. Else I guarantee it will keep happening.

Perhaps in future, when you are at home and could have the kids, but it’s her turn, you should not be so readily available too. I think it needs to be actioned a few times to get the message through.

Biscuitjockey · 09/08/2026 18:15

This reply has been deleted

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Itchysidefoot · 09/08/2026 17:59

UnhealthierWhy · 09/08/2026 17:21

Yes because we always help when we can , what he pays each month is a minimum set amount, we are aware that some months children cost more so we just adjust it just as you would if you have dc with you all
the time. Unexpected things come up and we could afford it so he gave her the money she just then didn’t book it which meant we had to help with childcare that week.

We didn’t ask for it back as didn’t feel it was worth causing tension over that amount of money.

Show quote history

Does this ex have any redeeming features al all? At the moment we have a pregnant cheater who moves far away from her children’s father, who demands he returns home because she’s disorganised and of course cheats him out of money.

By the way… what did you decide? Mobiles off?

Itchysidefoot · 09/08/2026 17:58

itstooorangeyforcrows · 09/08/2026 17:22

You can scoff as much as you like, but women who are out for all they can get from their exes are very much a thing.

(Edited to add: as are men, before I’m accused of misogyny. 🙄)

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Are you married to a man with such an ex by any chance?

Itchysidefoot · 09/08/2026 17:57

0Thatsplenty0 · 09/08/2026 17:54

Haha, you're debating with yourself.

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Pointing out that was a shite analogy

No debate

0Thatsplenty0 · 09/08/2026 17:54

Itchysidefoot · 09/08/2026 16:57

No child is lesser than the other.

My point is… bizarre analogy to say that it’s no different from the ex and her
boyfriend not taking the OP’s children. Bizarre

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Haha, you're debating with yourself.

itstooorangeyforcrows · 09/08/2026 17:22

Itchysidefoot · 09/08/2026 14:25

Oh yes… it’s another one of her crimes. Probably spent on getting drunk with friends or drugs. But definitely not the children

Show quote history

You can scoff as much as you like, but women who are out for all they can get from their exes are very much a thing.

(Edited to add: as are men, before I’m accused of misogyny. 🙄)

Original poster
UnhealthierWhy · 09/08/2026 17:21

Itchysidefoot · 09/08/2026 17:04

So randomly the ex said give me money for childcare? Even though he wasn’t even due to see his children?

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Yes because we always help when we can , what he pays each month is a minimum set amount, we are aware that some months children cost more so we just adjust it just as you would if you have dc with you all
the time. Unexpected things come up and we could afford it so he gave her the money she just then didn’t book it which meant we had to help with childcare that week.

We didn’t ask for it back as didn’t feel it was worth causing tension over that amount of money.

OP posts:
Itchysidefoot · 09/08/2026 17:08

WhisperingHi · 09/08/2026 17:05

Contributing towards childcare isn’t helping OP. His ex isn’t the primary parent, or at least shouldn’t be seen as such. He made the children, he should fund at least 50% of their costs.

Im sick of men moving on quickly, having more kids and feeling like a hero for paying for basic costs. And their next partners not seeing that this could easily be them.

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Possibly will see in the future

WhisperingHi · 09/08/2026 17:05

UnhealthierWhy · 08/08/2026 12:29

She is flakey yes and disorganised. But we help for extra things as we genuinely don’t mind helping. Although next time I think dh will book it to make sure it gets done. It’s a little frustrating that we have to think about childcare when it’s not our days but we wanted to help.

Show quote history

Contributing towards childcare isn’t helping OP. His ex isn’t the primary parent, or at least shouldn’t be seen as such. He made the children, he should fund at least 50% of their costs.

Im sick of men moving on quickly, having more kids and feeling like a hero for paying for basic costs. And their next partners not seeing that this could easily be them.

Itchysidefoot · 09/08/2026 17:04

UnhealthierWhy · 09/08/2026 17:01

The holiday wasn’t booked during any of his days. It’s a different contact schedule during summer holidays we have extra days as booked a uk break for us all

So randomly the ex said give me money for childcare? Even though he wasn’t even due to see his children?

Original poster
UnhealthierWhy · 09/08/2026 17:01

The holiday wasn’t booked during any of his days. It’s a different contact schedule during summer holidays we have extra days as booked a uk break for us all

OP posts:
Itchysidefoot · 09/08/2026 16:57

Itchysidefoot · 09/08/2026 16:55

Would you want your two very young children heading off with two adults… neither of whom related to?

Would you feel comfortable taking two very young children on holiday, neither of whom you were related to?

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No child is lesser than the other.

My point is… bizarre analogy to say that it’s no different from the ex and her
boyfriend not taking the OP’s children. Bizarre

Itchysidefoot · 09/08/2026 16:55

OneCalmFish · 09/08/2026 16:26

But the kids are all related aren’t they, op isn’t related to the older 2 she’s cared for them already to help their mum. Ops kids should miss out cos the other mum hasn’t organised any alternative care for her time with her own children, op has already said the older kids got the Disney experience first with their dad. What about ops kids makes them lesser?

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Would you want your two very young children heading off with two adults… neither of whom related to?

Would you feel comfortable taking two very young children on holiday, neither of whom you were related to?

OneCalmFish · 09/08/2026 16:26

Itchysidefoot · 09/08/2026 16:21

Well that would be odd given neither of those adults are related to the OP’s children

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But the kids are all related aren’t they, op isn’t related to the older 2 she’s cared for them already to help their mum. Ops kids should miss out cos the other mum hasn’t organised any alternative care for her time with her own children, op has already said the older kids got the Disney experience first with their dad. What about ops kids makes them lesser?

Itchysidefoot · 09/08/2026 16:21

OneCalmFish · 09/08/2026 15:32

@UnhealthierWhy already said the 2 older kids went with their mum and her br last year, would you also insist they should have taken op’s 2 and 4 yr old?

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Well that would be odd given neither of those adults are related to the OP’s children

OneCalmFish · 09/08/2026 15:32

knottywig · 08/08/2026 12:45

My personal view is that your husband came as a package deal, which you knew about when you got together with him, whether that was whilst he was married or not. You shouldn’t be excluding them from any holiday whether they went last year or not. So I think both you and your DH are BU!

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@UnhealthierWhy already said the 2 older kids went with their mum and her br last year, would you also insist they should have taken op’s 2 and 4 yr old?

0Thatsplenty0 · 09/08/2026 15:30

Itchysidefoot · 09/08/2026 14:05

The vibe of the thread is very much that he is a crap father. The

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95% of the vote agrees with OP. It's just a handful of VERY vocal posters who keep repeating themselves that make the thread look otherwise.

Itchysidefoot · 09/08/2026 15:28

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 09/08/2026 15:26

I do love the innuendo and snideness, but I think it's time I stopped bothering with you now.

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Fair dos

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 09/08/2026 15:26

Itchysidefoot · 09/08/2026 15:19

I have no doubt that they knew each other well before the divorce.

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I do love the innuendo and snideness, but I think it's time I stopped bothering with you now.

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