AIBU to refuse to cut short our holiday for childcare?

We DON'T "know DH is irresponsible"!

His XW cheated on him whilst she was pregnant! Then moved 3 hours away.
If anyone's irresponsible, she is!

His second child was almost 2 when OP became pregnant.

He did - he gave XW extra money for a week of holiday club.

XW didn't book it, and then it was full. (Next time he will book it himself.)

Stepmum (OP) looked after them for that week.
Not her children, but she did it.

XW arranged for her mum to look after them this week. Unfortunately she is ill and can't do it. So XW may have to take parental care leave and do it herself, as Dad and SM are away and not available.

But this isn't an emergency situation. No-one died, or had an awful accident.

XW's child care for this week has fallen through so she will need to make another plan. Like taking parental leave from work. She has a solution she just doesn't want to do it.

Why? Because he's a great dad who prioritises his children over sticking only to what he HAS to pay.

And because the XW has caused issues before over not arranging childcare during her custody time which has negatively impacted the dad.

The week in question is the XW's time with the children, so it is up to her to sort it out.

That's your take, we don't know that he is irresponsible or the circumstances. You want to attack because it's easy to do so.

The "Wow" is mean and judgey.

It is not mean. It is factual. He was very unreasonable to have two more children when the two he had were barely out of nappies.
His second child was one when he impregnated OP. Even if he had to have a dna on DC2 which I don’t believe, he was still having an active sex life with his wife.
We only have one side of the story and there is no way of knowing if OP is deliberately misleading us that she is a saint and the ex is all over the place.
We do know DP is irresponsible.

I have read the whole thread and my comprehension is fine, you’ve just missed my point.

What I’m saying is that IF whilst he was on that holiday OP had needed him, for some reason, to come back from his holiday urgently and look after his (& her) children, he would have been expected to step up and help. But because these are his children with another woman she’s happy for him to leave them without a second parent when they need him to be present. He’s not “childcare” he is their father and should behave as such. She just resents it spoiling her holiday. It is a crap situation but your holiday doesn’t come before his parenting duty to his children.

Indeed. The poor, poor children - only being taken to Disney alone by their father, Spain by their mother and a beach holiday with their half siblings

My heart bleeds

Or were you expressing your sadness at the lack of reading ability and comprehension of so many posters - I agree, that's sad too

That’s so sad.

He did, he took his two away and the op parented their younger two at home. Are you suggesting he put the younger two in a cupboard and went on holiday? Of course she looked after them and he was contactable while on holiday with his older two.

so many posts on this thread, so little reading comprehension.

@Woodfiresareamazing2 , see my post MiaKulper · Yesterday 12:51.

The step-mum's children get one holiday with their mum and dad, with half-siblings given plenty of 1-2-1 with their dad on that holiday.

The step-kids get holiday with their mum, holiday with their dad, and a holiday with dad, step-mum and half-siblings.

Why would his older DC feel inferior?

He took them to Disney FIRST, last year, with just him.

Either you can't read, or you lack reading comprehension skills.

Surly that would cut into their mums contract time. All the kids are going on joint holiday in a couple of weeks.

All these people who are 'so sad' 😂

RTFT people!

Jesus Christ try reading the thread, or at least all the OP's contributions before commenting.

This exactly. He was already a dad before he had kids with you, surely his kids should be part of the family holidays, they’re his family. They’re still so young and it will feel like they’re being left out, which they are. I find this so sad.

Two things here.

One, if she wants to stay married to this man so that she does get his support even if she makes utterly unreasonable demands of him, maybe her best course would be not to screw with someone else while she is with him and then move far away.

Two, why is the ex-wife's partner, for whom it seems she left OP's husband and with whom ex went on holiday in Spain in May, apparently doing nothing about childcare for children his partner is in charge of two-thirds of the time?

Would you do this if these were your children?? On silent in the bottom of your bag is not the same as being available for an emergency, even in an emergency you might not feel it buzzing.

I just think it is awful to encourage a father to not be there for his children. You’d be appalled if he behaved this way if you needed his help with your two.

I’m assuming the mother always has to source childcare as the dad only has them 10 days a month

Because this was the mother’s time with her children, not the father’s.

So she got extra money from your DH but didn't book the children into the holiday club, did she refund the money, if not l hope that he will deduct it from the amount due, she's a cf.

Good point - thank you.

A year is a long time when you are 5.
The older children are not much older than the OPs children so I don't think they argument holds really. They are stil too small for the big rides. The 4 year old and 6 year old in particular are very likely to want to do the same things.

I can only speak from my experience (my DH doesn't have 50:50) but we wouldn't have a clue when my SS's mother needs childcare... I'm sure if the OPs SDs mum asked their father to help with childcare on her access time then he would. But by the time she communicates to him the requirements... she'd have it booked anyway. It takes 2 minutes to ring up.

In this particular instance, the OPs DH had no way of foreseeing his exes mother would get ill?

She specifically said that her husband took only his 2 DC on Disney holiday last year, with just them. What’s sad about it???