AIBU to refuse to cut short our holiday for childcare?

And you must never, NEVER, do anything fun whatsoever when it’s not your weekend with the stepchildren, because they are missing out.

they should always be included

"Should"? Was this chisled in stone by Moses? Please tell us what else we should all be doing, or perhaps point us in the direction of these guidelines.

There seems to be so much bitterness and viciousness on here. The children should be treated equally. Crazy exes, wicked stepmothers, lazy fathers! Dont fall into the them stereotypes and just put the kids first, if you have kids with someone who already has them any decent parent doesn’t consider them different, booking a holiday? yep that’s 6. Having a day out? yes 6 of us again. Of course they’ll be diary clashes but they should always be included!

Don’t forget @AlphaApple they must also sit and wait at home, no takeaways, no days out, no fun as to do without the stepdc is harm personified!

You forget, OP, that once a woman becomes a stepmother she is absolutely not allowed to ever enjoy anything ever again unless the stepchild are 1000% catered for in every way.

The real mother is always right, must always have everything their way and is generally assumed to be a saint.

The father is often assigned a supporting actor role in the imagined dramas dreamed up by the AIBU ghouls.

Wow some people responses are crazy! I completly understand OP is coming from. How many times do you have to pick up someone else slack before you have had enough? I’d say call the kids mum back explain you are away on holiday having family time unless there is an emergency please do not call! Set boundary’s as this will become more and more harrowing with age. Yes you take on a package and accommodate when you can but this is silly!

The bullying on Mumsnet over the weekend has been shocking! People inventing nasty versions of events so they can attack an OP with stupid accusations! The OP does not have to be permanently clamped to her step kids and these bullies seem to behave like th OPs kids don't exist or matter! Have the bullies ever paid for anything themselves or have any concept of money? Because you all talk like it's costs nothing to take 4 kids to Disneyland? You all talk like it's free and easy to just abandon a holiday and come home earlier in the school holidays! Do your research on how much these things cost!
What if they have bought all sorts of park tickets that cost a lot of money and was something the OPs kids were looking forward to! It's not so easy to just abandon a holiday like that!

Not resentment at all. I don’t care if they go on 10 holidays with their mum, good luck to them!

I still don’t feel like they have to be with us on every single trip. And as I’ve said, the same for my own DC.

There will be holiday clubs she can book.

Why make such silly assumptions? It makes you sound unhinged! She's pissed off because there's an ex trying to ruin things! But people like you also don't care an inch about the OPs kids, you just support the ex because your mentality is obviously the same!

But surely if the parent who decided to have additional kids, can’t afford to take their children on holiday then the holidays should be planned accordingly. Your use of “why should they be entitled to more holidays because they were born first” sounds like resentment. Maybe being a decent parent with morals and integrity is the more important point and not how many holidays the children have.

There's been some shocking Mumsnet bullies about this weekend! You are sound like the DHs ex! They took his kids to Disney previously and are taking them on holiday later this month! People like you must be hideous to have as ex's because of how horribly demanding you are! There isn't a law that says they always have to take all the kids together! Do you have any concept of cost? Do you think it's free and easy to come home early in the 6 weeks holidays???

But they’re not all being treated the same overall.

We’re taking our DC away next week without the SC (or my own elder DC if that helps) and I feel zero guilt over that. Especially when we’ve already taken them away this summer and they’re currently on an all inclusive trip with their mum in Greece.

If we were to take them on every trip, well we probably couldn’t afford to so we wouldn’t go - so why should they be entitled to more holidays or trips away than our other DC? Because they were born first?

I’m also really surprised they didn’t take them. 6-8 is prime theme park age, much more so than the younger years. Kids sat at home whilst daddy plays happy families with his next family.

Why do these men do this!? Not every new girlfriend needs to be impregnated.

Also they are not treated exactly the same. They are treated better.

Your kids have to share everything, the step kids get to go and have another holiday with their other parent without your kids.

My children are all from the same parents, and yet we have separate holidays.

It is so weird treating children as one entity.

It is lovely to have 1 on 1 time doing specific stuff and then have the main family holiday together.

The step children in my family are treated the exact same as the children and all holidays include all children.

But it isn't urgent - she just hasn't planned and doesn't want to miss work.

If it was actually an emergency they would go home.

But they don’t need him to parent? There’s no emergency, she just doesn’t want to plan to care for her own children? There’s a saying ‘your disorganisation does not constitute my emergency’ she can discover that it’s inconvenient to have to parent your own children at the times planned for her to parent them when she’d hoped to be able to shove it off onto other people. I’m sure if there were an actual emergency he’d come home, just like he would have if there had been with his younger two when he took the older two away. The mum having to parent her children during her scheduled parenting time is about as far from an emergency as you can get. She literally got away with the exact same shitty parenting the week before, where not only did they send money so she could book childcare but she didn’t book childcare, pocketed the money and sent the children back for the op to care for them. Deadbeat parents could take lessons from her!!

🤦🏻‍♀️

I can’t believe you went to Disneyland without all the children that’s just a shitty thing to do. DH should go back and look after his children.

I actually did, that’s still my opinion. The older children going last year is irrelevant, sometimes older kids get time with parents away from younger kids, because their needs are different and the younger ones wouldn’t understand. The two oldest could have been included and it explained the focus would be on the areas most suited to younger ones, because they went last year, surely if they are expected to understand dads gone on holiday with his new kids then they can be expected to understand this. The fact the kids have two family’s isn’t their fault they should be treated equally by both parents. The fact he only has his kids a third of the time too speaks volumes and the extra holiday could at least make up for some of the time he doesn’t spend with them.

I’d just tell her she needs to spend the money you gave her for childcare on childcare because you’re not in the country to help her this time. And just tell her point blank that the holiday isn’t being cut short .. period

LOL
Surely it’s easy to see why it’s her responsibility ?!? It’s during her time AND she knew their dad was out of country AND he even gave her money for the childcare which she then didn’t even bother to book but happily kept the money!

I don't know why you're telling me this, I already know.

Unlike many MN posters, I at least read all of the updates on a thread before commenting.

Your paragraph re the younger two children's holidays doesn't actually make sense.
The half-siblings DON'T get lots of 1:2:1 time with their dad during the younger children's holiday - they're not there at all.

Younger sibs get a holiday with mum and dad, then a shorter holiday with mum, dad, and half-sibs.

Half-sibs have a holiday with mum, a holiday with dad, and a short holiday with dad, stepmum and younger kids.