AIBU to refuse to cut short our holiday for childcare?

Contributing towards childcare isn’t helping OP. His ex isn’t the primary parent, or at least shouldn’t be seen as such. He made the children, he should fund at least 50% of their costs.

Im sick of men moving on quickly, having more kids and feeling like a hero for paying for basic costs. And their next partners not seeing that this could easily be them.

She is flakey yes and disorganised. But we help for extra things as we genuinely don’t mind helping. Although next time I think dh will book it to make sure it gets done. It’s a little frustrating that we have to think about childcare when it’s not our days but we wanted to help.

The holiday wasn’t booked during any of his days. It’s a different contact schedule during summer holidays we have extra days as booked a uk break for us all

Would you want your two very young children heading off with two adults… neither of whom related to?

Would you feel comfortable taking two very young children on holiday, neither of whom you were related to?

But the kids are all related aren’t they, op isn’t related to the older 2 she’s cared for them already to help their mum. Ops kids should miss out cos the other mum hasn’t organised any alternative care for her time with her own children, op has already said the older kids got the Disney experience first with their dad. What about ops kids makes them lesser?

Well that would be odd given neither of those adults are related to the OP’s children

@UnhealthierWhy already said the 2 older kids went with their mum and her br last year, would you also insist they should have taken op’s 2 and 4 yr old?

My personal view is that your husband came as a package deal, which you knew about when you got together with him, whether that was whilst he was married or not. You shouldn’t be excluding them from any holiday whether they went last year or not. So I think both you and your DH are BU!

The vibe of the thread is very much that he is a crap father. The

I do love the innuendo and snideness, but I think it's time I stopped bothering with you now.

I have no doubt that they knew each other well before the divorce.

YANBU to not rush back from holiday to help out.

YABU for not taking his older kids with you on holiday. Taking them away for only 4 days is pathetic. And sad for them. They’re second class citizens in your house aren’t they?

I think you may have missed the OP saying she has known her now-husband since well before his divorce; she would therefore have been a witness to his ex's behaviour and have no need to take the cuckolded husband's word for what went on or how his ex behaved.

As she said, "We had been friends for years."

I don't believe it is black and white either, but I certainly don't go along with a narrative that the husband is a total liar and his wife a credulous idiot.

Essentially i think he has presented his ex as a baddie through and through with no redeeming features whereas he is nothing but pure goodness - and I simply don’t believe it is as black and white as that.

Not when it’s involving a man with a 6 year old and a 4 year old with two different women

If it had been at a time he was meant to be looking after the children, yes, he should have booked leave.

Which bit of "it was her time" are you reading as "it was his time"?

The Op has done nothing wrong. Nothing.

Her husband though…. He should have booked time off when his children were either him for the 10 days a month they are and not left it to his partner, the Op (already looking after two very small children)

er, yes, which is why the ex failing to do so and dumping them on his new wife might be seen as a failing in the EX rather than in the husband.

Blimey, you really are scraping the barrel for spurious excuses to be nasty about this man, aren't you.

Itchysidefoot
Why should he provide money for childcare even though it was not for time they were meant to be with him?
Same reason OP was looking after them even though it was not his time to have them: because he and his new wife, unlike their mother, have his children's welfare high in their priorities. perhaps?

Or as OP wrote, "Yes it was her time so she should have really sorted it out but we thought it was better to just help."

If the children are meant to be with you… then arranging cover is very much your responsibility

Oh yes… it’s another one of her crimes. Probably spent on getting drunk with friends or drugs. But definitely not the children

It’s clearly been discussed with his ex that she would have them. So that IS arranging cover. She has also clearly accepted the money…

If the children are meant to be with you… then arranging cover is very much your responsibility