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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to refuse to cut short our holiday for childcare?

664 replies

UnhealthierWhy · 08/08/2026 12:20

This is not our problem ???

We are on holiday currently with our 2 dc (2 and 4) (Disney Paris) due back home on Wednesday. Dh has 2 older dc from previous marriage (6 and 8).

He gave his ex money for holiday childcare which she ‘forgot’ to book the first week so I had to look after dc which was fine as dh had work. Next week her mum was going to have the dc but is now unwell. She is telling dh he needs to come home early to have the dc as she can’t take the time off.

She is constantly messaging and calling and we are considering just turning our phones off if she continues pestering us this way.

This seems to be a regular thing with her not arranging childcare and then expecting us to rescue the situation which we try to accomodate if we can but this is the first time we’ve said no.

OP posts:
damemaggiescurledupperlip · 08/08/2026 13:06

Two kids of 6 and 8 would be doing totally different rides or activities than kids of 2 and 4. So there’s either a lot of waiting around while each set has their turn, or the parents split up and take two kids each. Which means of course that the dad would have (his) the older kids and therefore the younger ones wouldn’t get much time with him

so it seems reasonable to me that , having had Disney with their dad last year without the little ones around, the little ones get dad this year without the older two around

knottywig · 08/08/2026 13:05

B1anche · 08/08/2026 12:52

What? You know nothing about OP and her husband's life. She has asked a specific question about whether they should leave their holiday early to look after husbands older children after their mother failed to organise it herself. The rest is irrelevant and none of our business. It's so easy to identify bitter first wives on these threads.

Show quote history

1/ read my first reply, I said to turn off her phone because first wife is trying to spoil holiday as she probably sees op as a home wrecker. OP responded to me by saying that they took the kids last year.
2/ as the one and only wife and child bearer to my current and only DH, you are correct, I am a first wife! Though by your logic you must be a second or third wife?
3/ I have friends who are second families, who include all the children going on holidays.
4/ If he DH is happy not to take his older two on holiday every time, that says a lot about him, and I hope he never gets a third wife, because he may feel the same about OPs kids!

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 08/08/2026 13:00

She’s also doing it because you’re on holiday, we had years of this.

Switch your phones off. She can’t make you come home anyway.

FookFookFook · 08/08/2026 12:59

I can’t get past you going to Disney without the 6 and 8 year old! She’s unreasonable to expect you to go back now you are there but not half as unreasonable as you were to go without them regardless of if they went before. They are 6 and 8!

HalzTangz · 08/08/2026 12:59

Doteycat · 08/08/2026 12:41

You mean you do.
I cant beleive you are ok with being with a man who would let his kids in the lurch like this.
But im sure its different with you..

Show quote history

Her husband hasn't put the kids in the lurch, his ex wife did. The husband provided money for school club, ex wife didn't book it (and presumably didn't return the money). Ex wife has new husband. I'm sure between the both they could take parental leave until dad gets home from his holiday

backformoreofthesame · 08/08/2026 12:59

Have you asked her to buy the new plane / train tickets for you all ?

Original poster
UnhealthierWhy · 08/08/2026 12:58

Just to clarify I wasn’t the OW. She cheated on him and left him - it was absolutely nothing to do with me ! She then moved really far away, we have been saving and looking to move nearer to them again so dh can see them more.

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 08/08/2026 12:58

Not much of a gap between your eldest and his youngest with ex. He is a quick worker!

I'd let him work this one out quickly, he will find some solution up his sleeve.

AsHot · 08/08/2026 12:54

nomas · 08/08/2026 12:48

And my bingo card is complete with the ‘package deal’ comment.

OP has clearly explained why the dc got separate Disney trips. DSC went last year with dad and they’ll get a holiday this year with dad as well so they haven’t missed out.

Show quote history

This. And when there are several children with an age spread, not uncommon for parents to do things with some of them and not others. It's about practicality.

B1anche · 08/08/2026 12:52

knottywig · 08/08/2026 12:45

My personal view is that your husband came as a package deal, which you knew about when you got together with him, whether that was whilst he was married or not. You shouldn’t be excluding them from any holiday whether they went last year or not. So I think both you and your DH are BU!

Show quote history

What? You know nothing about OP and her husband's life. She has asked a specific question about whether they should leave their holiday early to look after husbands older children after their mother failed to organise it herself. The rest is irrelevant and none of our business. It's so easy to identify bitter first wives on these threads.

backformoreofthesame · 08/08/2026 12:51

knottywig · 08/08/2026 12:45

My personal view is that your husband came as a package deal, which you knew about when you got together with him, whether that was whilst he was married or not. You shouldn’t be excluding them from any holiday whether they went last year or not. So I think both you and your DH are BU!

Show quote history

Well on the one hand yes

on the other hand that leaves them vulnerable to being badly affected by his ex - he had paid for childcare for his kids already , why is is then expected to cut short his holiday to look after them? That sounds like it’s deliberate and vindictive and manipulative and unless the kids are in trouble she can take unpaid leave from work

Original poster
UnhealthierWhy · 08/08/2026 12:50

Moonnstarz · 08/08/2026 12:48

I am also confused about who's time she is wanted childcare for? Surely if it's her days then she should know this in advance and be sorting it.

Also agree what happened to the money sent for childcare? Is she just pocketing it?

The other issue is why isn't the split 50:50? Was that what she wanted? As if she is finding it so hard to sort her childcare perhaps DH should ask for greater custody?

Yes it was her time so she should have really sorted it out but we thought it was better to just help. But then she didn’t even book it!

10 days is what they agreed between them as there’s a lot of travelling to/from so it makes sense for now and will increase when they are a bit older as we are considering moving nearer.

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 08/08/2026 12:50

Doteycat · 08/08/2026 12:41

You mean you do.
I cant beleive you are ok with being with a man who would let his kids in the lurch like this.
But im sure its different with you..

Show quote history

He paid for additional childcare that mum opted not to book, they’re hardly in the lurch with their mum. If anything she’s left herself in the lurch and expecting her ex to deal with her lack of organisation.

It not always practical to take all the kids on every holiday when they’re at different ages/stages.

nomas · 08/08/2026 12:48

knottywig · 08/08/2026 12:45

My personal view is that your husband came as a package deal, which you knew about when you got together with him, whether that was whilst he was married or not. You shouldn’t be excluding them from any holiday whether they went last year or not. So I think both you and your DH are BU!

Show quote history

And my bingo card is complete with the ‘package deal’ comment.

OP has clearly explained why the dc got separate Disney trips. DSC went last year with dad and they’ll get a holiday this year with dad as well so they haven’t missed out.

Moonnstarz · 08/08/2026 12:48

I am also confused about who's time she is wanted childcare for? Surely if it's her days then she should know this in advance and be sorting it.

Also agree what happened to the money sent for childcare? Is she just pocketing it?

The other issue is why isn't the split 50:50? Was that what she wanted? As if she is finding it so hard to sort her childcare perhaps DH should ask for greater custody?

Original poster
UnhealthierWhy · 08/08/2026 12:46

godmum56 · 08/08/2026 12:44

why are you only "considering" turning off your phones?

Just in case there’s an emergency

OP posts:
knottywig · 08/08/2026 12:45

UnhealthierWhy · 08/08/2026 12:33

They went last year. We do like to have some holidays with just our dc alone and then a separate one with all dc

Show quote history

My personal view is that your husband came as a package deal, which you knew about when you got together with him, whether that was whilst he was married or not. You shouldn’t be excluding them from any holiday whether they went last year or not. So I think both you and your DH are BU!

Cherrysoup · 08/08/2026 12:45

Is your Dh on board with ignoring her? Regardless of why she’s doing this (angry that you were the OW/disorganised/whatever), I think it’s unfair to wreck your dcs’ holiday by going home early.

godmum56 · 08/08/2026 12:44

why are you only "considering" turning off your phones?

Original poster
UnhealthierWhy · 08/08/2026 12:44

Doteycat · 08/08/2026 12:41

You mean you do.
I cant beleive you are ok with being with a man who would let his kids in the lurch like this.
But im sure its different with you..

Show quote history

No we both do.

OP posts:
Doteycat · 08/08/2026 12:41

UnhealthierWhy · 08/08/2026 12:33

They went last year. We do like to have some holidays with just our dc alone and then a separate one with all dc

Show quote history

You mean you do.
I cant beleive you are ok with being with a man who would let his kids in the lurch like this.
But im sure its different with you..

Original poster
UnhealthierWhy · 08/08/2026 12:33

knottywig · 08/08/2026 12:30

She’s a grown adult, she can sort it out herself. Also how much money did your DH give her to sort out childcare- did you get half back for the week you looked after kids. Switch of your phones and check once a day, she’s trying to ruin your holiday. Possibly because she deems you as the home wrecker. Also why didn’t you take the other 2 with you to Disney? Surely they would have enjoyed it too?

They went last year. We do like to have some holidays with just our dc alone and then a separate one with all dc

OP posts:
SusanJJ · 08/08/2026 12:32

Unless the children are actually in danger, let her sort it out.

Original poster
UnhealthierWhy · 08/08/2026 12:32

Cannedlaughter · 08/08/2026 12:30

You don’t end your holiday early but I don’t understand why the children aren’t with you. That’s sad.

They went last year so that they could do the exact things they like and not have to have younger ones ruining it with nap times etc etc . Plus we wanted to do very different things they liked the rides and things this time it’s more the princesses etc

OP posts:
Original poster
UnhealthierWhy · 08/08/2026 12:31

AndrewPreview · 08/08/2026 12:24

What are the custody arrangements like normally?

Why aren't his older children on holiday with you?

Dh has them 10 days /nights per month

OP posts: