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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to refuse to cut short our holiday for childcare?

664 replies

UnhealthierWhy · 08/08/2026 12:20

This is not our problem ???

We are on holiday currently with our 2 dc (2 and 4) (Disney Paris) due back home on Wednesday. Dh has 2 older dc from previous marriage (6 and 8).

He gave his ex money for holiday childcare which she ‘forgot’ to book the first week so I had to look after dc which was fine as dh had work. Next week her mum was going to have the dc but is now unwell. She is telling dh he needs to come home early to have the dc as she can’t take the time off.

She is constantly messaging and calling and we are considering just turning our phones off if she continues pestering us this way.

This seems to be a regular thing with her not arranging childcare and then expecting us to rescue the situation which we try to accomodate if we can but this is the first time we’ve said no.

OP posts:
Franklinlove · 08/08/2026 13:51

She is messaging you both an not just your DH?

How long are you in Disney for (Paris?)

Franklinlove · 08/08/2026 13:50

MiaKulper · 08/08/2026 13:49

Yet when that child was about 15 months old, you conceived your DC1. Hmm

Crazy Ex is a common phenomenon. It's a red flag.

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Indeed

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/08/2026 13:49

Gardenisablooming · 08/08/2026 13:48

So presumably she'll be handing the money for the club back?

I was going to say this! I assumed she had done it! Straight into OP’s person spends, not to the husband who got on with work as normal.

MiaKulper · 08/08/2026 13:49

UnhealthierWhy · 08/08/2026 13:43

His ex cheated from before she was pregnant with their youngest. He didn’t even know until testing was done if it was his child or not it was an awful situation.

Edited
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Yet when that child was about 15 months old, you conceived your DC1. Hmm

Crazy Ex is a common phenomenon. It's a red flag.

Franklinlove · 08/08/2026 13:49

UnhealthierWhy · 08/08/2026 13:47

I’m not pissed off at all with dh.

I absolutely do like holidays without my stepchildren and I like holidays with them too. I can have both and why not !

We both want to turn phones off but both feel equally uneasy just in case there’s ever any kind of emergency.

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Sure

but don’t make out he also prefers some holidays without your step kids just his kids with you and not his other children - which is what you said

Smartiepants79 · 08/08/2026 13:49

FookFookFook · 08/08/2026 13:35

I did! And I still think they are bloody unreasonable to leave a 6 and 8 year old behind! People telling me to read when they can’t!

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But why?? They went last year, the other 2 didn’t. They have had a turn. And may well get another a different year. Like it or not this is two separate (but linked) families. This is one of the complications and challenges of blended/divorced families.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/08/2026 13:48

I can’t imagine going to Disney with babies who would barely appreciate it, and leave ideal age kids at home. Even if they went last year.

That aside, YANBU re the childcare.

I do think your DH should have just booked the earlier week himself rather than transferring money to her. But that having been done, I can’t fathom why the childcare fell to you for the week rather than either parent.

Their Mum does sound like a disorganised drama llama and disorganised people do piss me off. I think the whole arrangement is too fluid for your circumstances - when there’s a flakey disorganised person involved, arrangements need to be much less flexible (ironically) so they know they will be stuck with their own consequences.

Gardenisablooming · 08/08/2026 13:48

So presumably she'll be handing the money for the club back?

bettyrubble99 · 08/08/2026 13:47

Doteycat · 08/08/2026 12:41

You mean you do.
I cant beleive you are ok with being with a man who would let his kids in the lurch like this.
But im sure its different with you..

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Their dad didn't do anything wrong.
Their mum did by not booking the holiday club.

Moonnstarz · 08/08/2026 13:47

I think he needs to bailing her out then.
If the decision was it's best for the children to have them only 10 days a week then she needs to get her shit together when she has them. She surely would know a year at least in advance of the school term dates and presumably checks in advance which weeks the children are with their dad.
It sounds like he didn't need to pay for the childcare but did so not to cause an issue. I think he needs to put in boundaries (but then be prepared for a court case and custody to be court ordered).

Original poster
UnhealthierWhy · 08/08/2026 13:47

Franklinlove · 08/08/2026 13:44

I think you are pissed off with your husband

I think you like to have holidays without your step children but he would prefer all 4

i believe you are telling him to turn off his phone but he’s refusing to

I’m not pissed off at all with dh.

I absolutely do like holidays without my stepchildren and I like holidays with them too. I can have both and why not !

We both want to turn phones off but both feel equally uneasy just in case there’s ever any kind of emergency.

OP posts:
99bottlesofkombucha · 08/08/2026 13:47

BMW58 · 08/08/2026 13:42

Did the ex and her new partner take OP's children to Spain with them?

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Umm. They didn’t take my children either. Selfish bastards.

Smartiepants79 · 08/08/2026 13:45

Doteycat · 08/08/2026 12:41

You mean you do.
I cant beleive you are ok with being with a man who would let his kids in the lurch like this.
But im sure its different with you..

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That is extremely unfair based on what we have been told. He has not left his children in the lurch. Their mother has. The children have had a perfectly acceptable amount of holidays planned for them and did the exact same holiday last year without their half siblings. They are not hard done by.
This is their mother’s problem. They are away and cannot come back unless someone is in hospital.

Franklinlove · 08/08/2026 13:44

I think you are pissed off with your husband

I think you like to have holidays without your step children but he would prefer all 4

i believe you are telling him to turn off his phone but he’s refusing to

Original poster
UnhealthierWhy · 08/08/2026 13:43

MiaKulper · 08/08/2026 13:10

Your DH had your DC1 (his DC3) when his DC2 was 2 years old?
Wow!

His ex cheated from before she was pregnant with their youngest. He didn’t even know until testing was done if it was his child or not it was an awful situation.

OP posts:
KitsyWitsy · 08/08/2026 13:43

BMW58 · 08/08/2026 13:42

Did the ex and her new partner take OP's children to Spain with them?

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Think a bit more about this....

Sartre · 08/08/2026 13:43

BMW58 · 08/08/2026 13:42

Did the ex and her new partner take OP's children to Spain with them?

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Why would they? OP’s children aren’t hers!

Sartre · 08/08/2026 13:42

Pipiscoming2023 · 08/08/2026 13:40

People are SO weird. She doesn’t have to take all 4 kids if she doesn’t want to and she shouldn’t have to bloody defend herself. Maybe they can’t afford to bring another 2 kids along. They went last year anyway! Some posters need to get off their high horses, it’s weird 😂

Maybe he should take all 4 kids though because he made the frankly bizarre decision to impregnate someone a year after having a baby with his ex. 4 kids in 6 years with 2 women is wild.

BMW58 · 08/08/2026 13:42

FookFookFook · 08/08/2026 13:35

I did! And I still think they are bloody unreasonable to leave a 6 and 8 year old behind! People telling me to read when they can’t!

Edited
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Did the ex and her new partner take OP's children to Spain with them?

Sartre · 08/08/2026 13:41

Bollihobs · 08/08/2026 13:38

Lucky you if you've never dealt with a PITA ex. it's not as simple as "we'll take the older DC's too" You think she wouldn't be awkward about that too??

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Since Op’s ex took them abroad last year, I’m inclined to say she wouldn’t be bothered.

Franklinlove · 08/08/2026 13:41

UnhealthierWhy · 08/08/2026 12:33

They went last year. We do like to have some holidays with just our dc alone and then a separate one with all dc

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HE would prefer to have all 4 on all holidays.

And if he doesn’t, then that’s shit

AnonyMumAuDHD · 08/08/2026 13:40

UnhealthierWhy · 08/08/2026 12:46

Just in case there’s an emergency

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Can I assume there is a grandparent or sibling in the UK? If there is text her that you are on holiday, uncontactable, but in the case of a life threatening emergency she can contact grandma, who will then call you.

Hereafter, I would use that dedicate app that parents use and remove all direct text contact.

And as others say, she owes your DH the money for the kids club, or he informs her that he considers it an advance and will deduct it from next months CMS.

Pipiscoming2023 · 08/08/2026 13:40

People are SO weird. She doesn’t have to take all 4 kids if she doesn’t want to and she shouldn’t have to bloody defend herself. Maybe they can’t afford to bring another 2 kids along. They went last year anyway! Some posters need to get off their high horses, it’s weird 😂

Brucebogtrotter257 · 08/08/2026 13:40

Her lack of preparation does not become your emergency.

BMW58 · 08/08/2026 13:39

I reckon she's not "flakey" but doing it deliberately just to scupper your holiday.

Turn your phones off.

If she genuinely is "flakey" then perhaps she needs to learn the hard way to organise herself better because you won't keep bailing her out.

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