AIBU to refuse to cut short our holiday for childcare?

Your at Disney Paris. What would she do if you were in Australia? Or anywhere else where you can't just be back in this country at the drop of a hat?

This is MN. Step parents are universally hated no matter how reasonable they are. OP posted about her DH’s ex being awkward about childcare but got a slew of very predictable responses criticising the fact that they didn’t take all four kids on holiday. Some nice responses about OP being a ‘homewrecker’ thrown in for good measure.

I know? You are assuming I was referring to her having a newborn. I am referring to DH

Ahh you have edited the post. I just think he couldnt have been a very present Dad to a new baby and a supportive coparent if hes able to get someone pregnant before the baby is even 1

Left in the lurch? They are with their mum on her time so it’s up to her to organise childcare. How has he left them in the lurch?

I do actually! I think Disney is very specific holiday for children and if the kids are anywhere between say 3 and 14 (ish depending on the child) to take some and not all of your children is wrong.

I have regularly, through out all my children's lives, had separate holidays with separate children.

They are all my biological children, but I'm not taking for example, one that hates Disney and theme parks, to Disneyland.

Treating them equally doesn't mean doing anything same thing.

Op, I feel for you. I would leave a number of someone you trust at home for her to contact if there is a real emergency, and then block her for now.

OP didn’t say they have a six and a four year old, they have a two and a four year old. DH’s older children are six and eight. Unless you mean that he was dating OP when the six year old was a baby - in which case, the answer is he’s a man. His needs come first.

In no world would a decent man have a holiday with only two of his kid. Literally no man ever if he was actually living with all 4.

Completely off topic but how does he have a 6 year old and then a 4 year old with you? How do men have time to date with a tiny baby?!?!?!

I think you’re projecting. OP hasn’t indicated any of that.

Till she moves again once you have moved nearer

and it’s her days so she should sort out and pay for childcare

next time get dh to book it if paying for it

You & your DH should apply through court for either 50/50 or full custody. And stop pandering to her nonsense.

If your DH agrees to pay for any future holiday clubs, he books it directly himself so he knows the money is paying for it, although, he'll have no guarantee she'll actually take them.

She loves to disrupt your lives, she thrives on it - take her power away by saying NO.

It's not your problem, the mother probably isn't even sick It's just a way to manipulate you.

@Pumpkinmagic , I don't buy the 'in the space of 2 years the XW was having an affair and left, the DD2 was born and DNA tested, the DH met and procreated with OP (DD3) and they had that baby'.
This, or some of it, was during COVID.

The OP is pretty straightforward until you consider the timeline.

Yes. Probably somewhere else as I think the younger ones were probably too young for it. He has FOUR children. Not two.

2 year gap between his youngest with her and your eldest? Goodness, this is a ripe scenario for issues. Not great.

No, I don’t think he should come home from holiday early for this.

Preach! All the single child free men out there and OP chooses the one with two toddlers at home, then gets pregnant within months herself. Absolutely wild. This guy must be Odysseus.

Don’t understand all the negative and nasty comments to the OP. She said they have previously taken the older two to Disneyland as they particularly enjoy the rides and don’t want to be tied by toddlers and nap times. Makes absolute sense. Also explained they are going on a holiday at the end of August with all 4 children. OP sounds like a great step parent and like they genuinely care. Really don’t get why so many people are being dicks. I wouldn’t cut the holiday short. Just pop phones on silent and check every now and again. Sounds like she is just trying her luck or perhaps her work have got fed up with her if this is a regular occurrence?

He hardly left them in the lurch! He gave money to their mother to book childcare, only she “forgot”! Kept the money as well by the look of it.

I take my own children away separately sometimes because they are different ages and like different things. It's the same scenario here, the older ones went with their parent and got to do older things like rides etc, now the parent is taking the younger ones to enjoy the characters before they all go on holiday together.

I took my DDs to Disneyland and my DS's to Spain in the same year. Then we went on a caravan holiday all together. They all lived with me and no one had any issues with it.

The Mum is in the wrong here. I seriously doubt she'd cut her own holiday short because the OPs DH didn't sort childcare.

I also note you don't seem to have an issue with the OPs children not going with the DH last time, so why do you have an issue with him not taking his other DC this time?

@KitsyWitsy

They are missing out on this holiday though. If their dad is on holiday, then they should be with him imo. Saying that they want time just their own kids and them is so sad. I was an older stepchild too. It fucking sucks. Poor kids.

@Zanatdy

I wouldn’t be cutting my holiday short no. But as a parent of DC from different relationships (all grown up now) not a chance i’d go to Disney without 2, especially when they are 6 & 8yrs old. I’d feel awful and could not do it. Maybe men are different. Would you go to Disney with only some of your bio kids if you split and went on to have more kids?

So by your logic when the DH took the older two to Disney last year, he should have taken the younger two as well, no? And if not, why not? They're all his bio kids and he was on holiday so...

Other people's lives are wild. I can't even imagine dating someone who had a 15month old never mind conceiving a baby to them. Presumably then dating started much sooner.. How old was this tiny baby when they started dating?! Wasn't that a bit off putting?

It would be unreasonable to come home to cover childcare but why aren’t your DH’s kids on holiday with you anyhow?

If they went before is a bit different from if you’ve taken them before. Her dh took the older two, without the younger two, so they could do all their fun things. You really can’t get much more fair than that. Are you really saying ‘fine, so dh takes the older two on holiday on his own, and you take all 4 together, and their mum takes them on holiday, but you absolutely do not get to take your younger two on their own? That’s just bananas, and it’s not good parenting.

I think in this scenario, just your phone goes off, his stays on for emergencies and he absorbs the stress of telling her no and ignoring excessive messages without bothering you about it.