Page 2 | AIBU to refuse to cut short our holiday for childcare?

UnhealthierWhy · 2026-08-08T11:20:52+00:00

This is not our problem ??? We are on holiday currently with our 2 dc (2 and 4) (Disney Paris) due back home on Wednesday. Dh has 2 older dc from previous marriage (6 and 8). He gave his ex money for holiday childcare which she ‘forgot’ to book the first week so I had to look after dc which was fine as dh had work. Next week her mum was going to have the dc but is now unwell. She is telling dh he needs to come home early to have the dc as she can’t take the time off. She is constantly messaging and calling and we are considering just turning our phones off if she continues pestering us this way. This seems to be a regular thing with her not arranging childcare and then expecting us to rescue the situation which we try to accomodate if we can but this is the first time we’ve said no.

WhistPie · 10/08/2026 14:09

Jk987 · 10/08/2026 13:32

Has she met a new partner or is she single? It’s much harder if she’s doing it solo. You met him and had a baby very quickly as there’s only a 2 year age gap so maybe she’s feeling resentful.

That being said, there’s no way you should cut short your holiday.

Read all the OPs posts

The older children went on holiday to Spain with their mother and her partner in May

Itchysidefoot · 10/08/2026 13:50

Me: So… you have a a new born and a toddler?
Possible boyfriend; I do, yes

Me: bye

Itchysidefoot · 10/08/2026 13:48

0Thatsplenty0 · 10/08/2026 11:55

It took you a long time to come out and just say this. It's crystal clear that you and a lot of mothers on this thread think YOUR children are all that matters. Same mindset as the mother of the older kids in the OP.

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yep… I hold my hands up.

Hence why I would never be a step mum

Itchysidefoot · 10/08/2026 13:46

EmeraldShamrock000 · 10/08/2026 10:37

You don’t have step children. It’s easy to say when it’s not your reality. I used to think it was funny that people felt guilty leaving their dogs behind until they had my own. Now I hate leaving her behind.

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Sorry? Did you read my post? I’m saying I wouldn’t ever feel guilty about leaving behind a child that wasn’t mine. In fact the idea of holidaying just with my own children is infinitely preferable than with others.

Hence why I wouldn’t be a SM

whereas holiday without my two children of 6 and 8? I’d hate it.

So I totally empathise with the op
but the husband… not so much

Jk987 · 10/08/2026 13:32

Has she met a new partner or is she single? It’s much harder if she’s doing it solo. You met him and had a baby very quickly as there’s only a 2 year age gap so maybe she’s feeling resentful.

That being said, there’s no way you should cut short your holiday.

Paganpentacle · 10/08/2026 13:30

knottywig · 08/08/2026 12:45

My personal view is that your husband came as a package deal, which you knew about when you got together with him, whether that was whilst he was married or not. You shouldn’t be excluding them from any holiday whether they went last year or not. So I think both you and your DH are BU!

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Have a word with yourself.
Or read the thread.
They take ALL 4 children together once a year.
They go with their own 2 kids once a year.
The 2 step kids go on holiday with their mum once a year.
Is that OK with you?

WillowKnicks · 10/08/2026 13:24

PinkDaffs · 09/08/2026 08:09

This ridiculous vilification of the OP is completely unfounded.

Time and time again you see this on Mumsnet, and I'd be willing to bet that all those telling the OP she is controlling her husband and that he would have liked all the children on this holiday are the same ones who think that step-children should ALWAYS be prioritised above all else.

Did you not hear her clearly telling you that DP went on holiday last year with his two kids to the same place so that they could enjoy their break without it being impacted by the needs of his youngest two? If this were a different thread, he would be being praised for this. Instead, some of you are finding a way to use it to castigate the OP. The way stepmothers are treated on this site is absolutely appalling.

It isn't ideal when any household separates but, when they do, that then IS the reality for all parties, including the children. Having children who don't live with you full time and others who do is really difficult for everyone concerned but it isn't the job of OP and her DP to pick up the slack for the children's mother when they're on a planned holiday which she knew about, especially when they've already done so without complaint earlier in the summer break.

Actually cannot get my head round the made up BS some of you are spouting about this OP on this thread.

I was just thinking EXACTLY the same! Every single time, it's so tedious & completely derails the thread!

Doteycat · 10/08/2026 13:11

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You are incorrect.
Hth.

People in glasshouses...

MiaKulper · 10/08/2026 13:09

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Doteycat · 10/08/2026 13:07

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Are you ok pet?
If you are trying to patronise me because of a typo, try harder. I dont get patronised.
Comments like yours make me chuckle.
If.you have to ask what standards, then you dont have them.

hereforthelolz · 10/08/2026 12:57

0Thatsplenty0 · 10/08/2026 11:55

It took you a long time to come out and just say this. It's crystal clear that you and a lot of mothers on this thread think YOUR children are all that matters. Same mindset as the mother of the older kids in the OP.

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Golden uterus syndrome.

TheJuryIsOut · 10/08/2026 12:56

EmeraldShamrock000 · 10/08/2026 12:09

Do you take everything that you read on here as face value?
The Ex had the affair yet there is stepping stones between the children.
It’s a very unlikely scenario, unless they are a rabbit.
He has the children weekends and holidays not around his working week. I wouldn’t call him very committed, then he spends the weekend with 4 little ones. Sounds like he’s chasing his tail.

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How is it unlikely? If the relationship broke down when she was just getting pregnant then there could be 2+ years between that and the op becoming pregnant, maybe op is on the older side of motherhood and couldn't afford to wait any longer. It looks as though op and her husband are a solid partnership so maybe it made sense to have kids quite soon into the relationship.

HRTQueen · 10/08/2026 12:45

A lesson to learn is that your DH books the childcare next time

But would I ignore my child looking after because of a chaotic ex, no. My plans would I just have to change and this is what happens when you are with someone who already has children you life is impacted. Having children is inconvenient at times, plans change and get ruined. Your ex should never be turning off his phone and as the plan for child care has fallen through (her mum) then both parents should sort this out together

MiaKulper · 10/08/2026 12:45

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Doteycat · 10/08/2026 12:40

lifeisgoodrightnow · 10/08/2026 12:08

That is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve read on Mumsnet

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People standards here are rediculous.

AnotherForumUser · 10/08/2026 12:37

MyPlumHelper · 10/08/2026 12:07

He's got a six year old with her and a four year old with you?

Damn he moved on fast.Was there any overlap?

The OP says the romantic relationship started after the pregnant 1st wife had left her husband so she could be with her shag buddy. Whether that was before or after the paternity test was carried out to determine the daddy I don't know. But if you want to bash people who have affairs better start off with the first wife!

EmeraldShamrock000 · 10/08/2026 12:09

Woodfiresareamazing2 · 10/08/2026 12:05

The XW had an affair whilst pregnant with baby #2, so that marriage broke down.

XW moved 3 hours away.

DH met new partner, she became pregnant after a year. We have no idea of the circumstances of that.

Who has been irresponsible?

Possibly the XW by sleeping with another man whilst pregnant?

DH might have 2 more children, but seems very committed to all of them and generally doing a great job with them.

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Do you take everything that you read on here as face value?
The Ex had the affair yet there is stepping stones between the children.
It’s a very unlikely scenario, unless they are a rabbit.
He has the children weekends and holidays not around his working week. I wouldn’t call him very committed, then he spends the weekend with 4 little ones. Sounds like he’s chasing his tail.

lifeisgoodrightnow · 10/08/2026 12:08

Doteycat · 08/08/2026 12:41

You mean you do.
I cant beleive you are ok with being with a man who would let his kids in the lurch like this.
But im sure its different with you..

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That is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve read on Mumsnet

MyPlumHelper · 10/08/2026 12:07

He's got a six year old with her and a four year old with you?

Damn he moved on fast.Was there any overlap?

Woodfiresareamazing2 · 10/08/2026 12:05

EmeraldShamrock000 · 10/08/2026 09:53

We do know he is irresponsible he has 4 children, 8,6,4,2 between two mothers. That’s the definition of irresponsible.
If the ex wife had another two babies by a different man she would be irresponsible too, but she didn’t. He made that decision. Selfish.

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The XW had an affair whilst pregnant with baby #2, so that marriage broke down.

XW moved 3 hours away.

DH met new partner, she became pregnant after a year. We have no idea of the circumstances of that.

Who has been irresponsible?

Possibly the XW by sleeping with another man whilst pregnant?

DH might have 2 more children, but seems very committed to all of them and generally doing a great job with them.

Woodfiresareamazing2 · 10/08/2026 11:59

SooPanda · 10/08/2026 09:43

But they have another parent, who already has time off work. Their father.

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And he is in another country, so not available.

She also has her bf.

Stepmum covered a week of childcare for her, so maybe it's his turn to reciprocate?

0Thatsplenty0 · 10/08/2026 11:55

Itchysidefoot · 10/08/2026 09:56

I know I’d be a shit SM hence why I never will be

I would tread over a step child to reach my own child on the event of an emergency!

It took you a long time to come out and just say this. It's crystal clear that you and a lot of mothers on this thread think YOUR children are all that matters. Same mindset as the mother of the older kids in the OP.

0Thatsplenty0 · 10/08/2026 11:43

SALaw · 10/08/2026 06:47

The step children in my family are treated the exact same as the children and all holidays include all children.

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Do your step-kids never get one to one time with their parent? Are you and your kids there all the time? Poor step-kids.

RedPony1 · 10/08/2026 11:41

This is peak wild Mumsnet, probably the worst i've seen it!!

People cant read, or rather, don't want to because it doesn't fit their narrative.

He only has them 10 nights a month BECAUSE THE EX MOVED AWAY

Yes, pregnant women do cheat, i have an ex best friend that did exactly that, then lied saying her husband was the father until he saw something on her phone when the baby was 6 months old and he demanded DNA. Wasn't his, so he left.

The father is not obligated to take all of his children on every holiday every time. They have already had an abroad holiday this year and also have been to Disney with him last year. To say he isn't a great father because of that is insane.

How any of that is remotely relevant to what the OP's post was about is mad anyway!

The men and step mother bashing on MN is totally wild.

Wildefish · 10/08/2026 11:09

Cannedlaughter · 08/08/2026 12:30

You don’t end your holiday early but I don’t understand why the children aren’t with you. That’s sad.

It’s only sad if he never takes them on holiday. He took them himself to Disney earlier in the year.