AIBU to refuse to cut short our holiday for childcare?

That’s a really nasty thing to say. The older children went to Disney last year without the younger two and op is taking all four away later in the holidays. Wind ypur neck in @Doteycat

Only a couple of years older than his new family

So I've been with my husband 20 years, we have 2 kids, I'm not a single mother bitter or otherwise.

My brother has 2 kids and 2 step kids. I can't imagine him taking just his step kids on holiday leaving his kids home and if they had kids together I can't imagine that either.

As a parent I can't imagine booking Disneyland, going and not taking my kids who are old enough to enjoy it.

Yes younger kids can enjoy a holiday obviously but why not with their older siblings there too?

If he's given her money for childcare, why isn't she using it? Ok, the playschemes etc may be booked up, but at those ages I'd find a sensible teenager to "babysit" for a few days. Sounds like she's just being awkward.

How old are they?

I can't imagine going on holiday to Disney land and leaving 2 children behind, I can't believe your husband was ok with that, I'd be miffed too on their behalf if I was their mum

Well all the bitter single mums are out in force on this thread 😂

Its very bizarre that people are telling the OP that she is a awful person for taking her 2 children on holiday with their dad, but it’s perfectly okay for the older children to have a holiday with just their dad, as a blended family of 4 kids and also on their own with their mum. God forbid the OP takes the younger two on their own for 1 holiday while the older two have 3 holidays. Are the younger kids not allowed quality time with their parents too? Or are only the older two important because they come from a ‘broken home’?

Pathetic!

Christ why would you get pregnant to a man with 2 toddlers that's just left his partner?!

So that doesn't tell us why they aren't with you this time

Did she return the extra money she demanded but then 'forgot' to book? In future were I your husband I would only pay any extra holidy money when she shows confirmed bookings. She a grasper.

Why did your DH not take two of his children on holiday?

I agree but to make a baby with a man with a 3 yr old and a 1 year old without foreseeing some issues seems reckless.

OP (ignoring the young SC's ages) makes OP look NBU, but the rest of the story doesn't.

This post has some crazy reactions and I think not reading the OPs comments either.

kids based on ages could be almost 3 years apart in months but 2 years in age let’s say there is 2 years and 10 months between them. In 2018 A woman with a 2 year old has an affair and her DH finds out when she leaves him. Soon after this they find out she is pregnant and then DNA tests show this is the ExH not OM. 2020 EXH meets new woman OP and it’s suddenly covid so they move in and everything goes faster than normal (covid) they get pregnant in 2021. At this point their children have ages 2 years apart but sometimes it’s 3 years apart. Actual age difference 2 years 10
months. Now we don’t know this because it’s actually none of our business, but it’s just as plausible a scenario as the conjecture in some of the comments who desperately want the DH to be a waster dad and the OP to be the OW even if unwittingly.
OP in answer ignore she’s trying to ruin your holiday just enjoy. I agree maybe more days would be better sooner if you can for access.

The question of the response to a lack of having a plan B for childcare and expecting someone to come home from holiday is very different from that of whether you should enter a relationship with someone who has very young children.

There seems to be a missing adult in all this.

Is the ex still with her new partner, the one she cheated on the DH with? if so, why is he having nothing to do with her failure to parent her children? Ought he not to be stepping up, as the OH did, to cover for his partner's deficiencies? It seems rather unfair for OP to have looked after these unfortunate children with the flakey mum for the ex, but the ex's partner not to have to do anything for the children in this "childcare crisis".

Or has the ex also dispensed with this new partner since May when the pair of them took the two older children to Spain for a holiday?

No, not missing out in life by only having one parent at home and caught between two families.

I find it harsh you're at Disneyland without them. And using the consolation that they've got a UK holiday later this year! Yes. I'm sure that'll be infinitely more fun. I also think it's desperate af you chose to have children with him so soon after the birth of his other child. You were knocked up a year later, really?

What do you want people to say?
You’ve been advised to switch your phones off and reassured that you’re not unreasonable.

Absolutely this - but according to MN, you have to do everything with everyone, all the time.

I think you are allowed to have a holiday with just your kids.

I think if you are given money to purchase childcare you should purchase childcare.

However, if your DH and ex were still married there is no way he'd leave his kids in the lurch if there were a childcare crisis. I think it's difficult because it does sound like she's trying to manipulate the situation. I'd certainly hold out for as long as you can - there must be options for her. And presumably she knew there was a problem (whether of her own making or not) before you went - rather than deciding to tell you once you are there?

⬆️ this. As is often the case there is a major comprehension fail on this thread by lots of people

Different ages of children want to do different things. Who knew eh

She sounds extremely manipulative. Archive her messages for the rest of the holiday and enjoy yourselves.

Don’t be ridiculous. They have taken all the children away, taken the older ones away alone, paid for holiday care which their mother conveniently ‘forgot’ to book and the OP then had the children herself.
He, and the OP, haven’t ’left the kids in the lurch’. Their feckless mother has done that all by herself.

@UnhealthierWhy do you normally have them longer in the holidays

So your dh has his DCs 10 days a month, and presumably mum has them the other 20 days. Bit unequal there……