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Original poster

AIBU to refuse to cut short our holiday for childcare?

664 replies

UnhealthierWhy · 08/08/2026 12:20

This is not our problem ???

We are on holiday currently with our 2 dc (2 and 4) (Disney Paris) due back home on Wednesday. Dh has 2 older dc from previous marriage (6 and 8).

He gave his ex money for holiday childcare which she ‘forgot’ to book the first week so I had to look after dc which was fine as dh had work. Next week her mum was going to have the dc but is now unwell. She is telling dh he needs to come home early to have the dc as she can’t take the time off.

She is constantly messaging and calling and we are considering just turning our phones off if she continues pestering us this way.

This seems to be a regular thing with her not arranging childcare and then expecting us to rescue the situation which we try to accomodate if we can but this is the first time we’ve said no.

OP posts:
SpottyPyjama · 08/08/2026 17:37

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Cormacktoo · 08/08/2026 17:37

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DerekDematopolis · 08/08/2026 17:37

Cannedlaughter · 08/08/2026 12:30

You don’t end your holiday early but I don’t understand why the children aren’t with you. That’s sad.

I’m with you. I’m struggling to understand how a Dad can go on holiday to Disney with only half his children.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 08/08/2026 17:36

Sunnibee · 08/08/2026 17:31

They're not going to think- our dad who's gone to live with a new family and we only see less than half the time has gone to Disney world with his new kids and left us behind. But that's ok because he did take us a whole year ago.

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'And you're going away with Daddy in three weeks' wouldn't help at all either? Or 'And you went on holiday to the beach with Mummy and Jamie'?

aModernClassic · 08/08/2026 17:36

Blimey, what a bunch of vile judgy women on this thread. Give your heads a f’ing wobble, you should feel ashamed by some of the comments on here.
OP don’t leave early. The wife has a partner, so surly he needs to act like a father and partner and parent his step kids.

ojhdddhjs76 · 08/08/2026 17:35

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Bio mum bingo, have we had “psycho” yet?

Newyearawaits · 08/08/2026 17:32

Cannedlaughter · 08/08/2026 12:30

You don’t end your holiday early but I don’t understand why the children aren’t with you. That’s sad.

I tend to agree to some extent. The youngest of husband's older children would have only been 2 when OP's oldest child was born.

Sunnibee · 08/08/2026 17:31

ineedadehumidifier · 08/08/2026 17:26

Honestly? I wouldn’t have had children with a man who only had his existing children 10 nights a month.
The ex may well be batshit but your DH also isn’t exactly father of the year?

They're not going to think- our dad who's gone to live with a new family and we only see less than half the time has gone to Disney world with his new kids and left us behind. But that's ok because he did take us a whole year ago.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 08/08/2026 17:31

Seems simple enough to me. Ex took the money for the kids to have childcare for a week (even though this was during her time for having them, so DH didn't have to give it to her). She didn't use it during the first week. So she presumably still has it and can use it to pay someone to look after her children this week instead.

Cormacktoo · 08/08/2026 17:31

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GodDamnitDonut · 08/08/2026 17:30

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Yes I would always prioritise my dd over my dsc , 100%.
I’m just not shocked or bothered by the op’s husband leaving his dc behind because I know men (most of them) are different to us.
how does it help op that people point out to her that her DH did a wrong thing by leaving his dc behind? Is she meant to think for him and ensure they are invited? she won’t because she doesn’t want to and she openly said he doesn’t want to either.
The point of this post if whether the holiday should be cut short to help with childcare, not to question the op’s husband’s moral choices… not to mention her pregnancy timings!

Restlessdreams1994 · 08/08/2026 17:28

I don’t think you should cut your holiday short.

I do think your partner could step up a bit more over the holidays though. He only has his kids ten days a month so the burden of sorting most of the holiday childcare falls to their mother who is also working. Rather than just sending her some money, why couldn’t he take on a bit of the mental load and actually organise and book some of the childcare and/or have them a bit more? Or take them on holiday? It must be pretty horrible for the older two to only see their dad ten days a month when the two younger half-siblings are with him all the time. Surely he could take the older two on rides whilst you sort the little ones out?

StressedStudentPara · 08/08/2026 17:28

What’s she spent the holiday childcare money on?

Dontcallmescarface · 08/08/2026 17:27

LadyWhistledownsSocietyPapers · 08/08/2026 17:24

I was more talking about him taking the older ones last year. This is what OP said -

They went last year so that they could do the exact things they like and not have to have younger ones ruining it with nap times etc etc . Plus we wanted to do very different things they liked the rides and things this time it’s more the princesses etc

I don't think a 6 and 8 year old would have difficulty grasping that they went so now the younger ones are getting to go.

But again, you're focusing on his older kids and not mentioning the younger ones who didn't go last time.

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That's because this is MN where the children of 2nd marriages are not worthy of any consideration, it's all about the children from the 1st marriage dontcha know.

ineedadehumidifier · 08/08/2026 17:26

Honestly? I wouldn’t have had children with a man who only had his existing children 10 nights a month.
The ex may well be batshit but your DH also isn’t exactly father of the year?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 08/08/2026 17:25

Sunnibee · 08/08/2026 17:16

I highly doubt it. That's not how the mind of 6 and. 8 year olds work. Plus a year is a lifetime for kids that young.

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They'd forget all about a holiday with their Dad to themselves instead of sharing attention with little ones?

Cormacktoo · 08/08/2026 17:25

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Tryagain26 · 08/08/2026 17:24

NeverDropYourMooncup · 08/08/2026 17:14

It's probably tempered by their holiday with him last year.

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They are too young to think like that. And a year is a long time for children that age.
But also last year his children with OP were 1 and 3 so they wouldn't even realise that their older siblings were going to Disneyland with their dad. A 6 and 8 year old will definitely know and remember

GodDamnitDonut · 08/08/2026 17:24

Sartre · 08/08/2026 17:20

Totally different. I take my teen DC’s on holidays alone so we can have 1:1 and also do something they would specifically enjoy. We also have family holidays we all enjoy, Disney would be one such holiday.

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And I went to Disney Florida last year without one of my daughters. People are different.

LadyWhistledownsSocietyPapers · 08/08/2026 17:24

Franklinlove · 08/08/2026 14:20

Different ages?

I would understand if his older two were 16 and 18

but they’re not. They are 8 and 6!!!

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I was more talking about him taking the older ones last year. This is what OP said -

They went last year so that they could do the exact things they like and not have to have younger ones ruining it with nap times etc etc . Plus we wanted to do very different things they liked the rides and things this time it’s more the princesses etc

I don't think a 6 and 8 year old would have difficulty grasping that they went so now the younger ones are getting to go.

But again, you're focusing on his older kids and not mentioning the younger ones who didn't go last time.

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 08/08/2026 17:21

Franklinlove · 08/08/2026 13:44

I think you are pissed off with your husband

I think you like to have holidays without your step children but he would prefer all 4

i believe you are telling him to turn off his phone but he’s refusing to

Mystic Meg has arrived!

Tryagain26 · 08/08/2026 17:20

GodDamnitDonut · 08/08/2026 17:08

Many people do, so you will have to get over it. One of my daughters is currently on holidays with her aunt , the other is home with me. Believe me everyone is ok , no one developed ptsd from not coming on holidays.

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But is the holiday with the aunt a very child focused holiday like Disneyland and are the children close in age?

FairKoala · 08/08/2026 17:20

Why can’t your dh book the childcare. She pays him for her half (or whatever the cost arrangement is) and he books it then she doesn’t have to worry about not having childcare.

placemats · 08/08/2026 17:20

UnhealthierWhy · 08/08/2026 12:20

This is not our problem ???

We are on holiday currently with our 2 dc (2 and 4) (Disney Paris) due back home on Wednesday. Dh has 2 older dc from previous marriage (6 and 8).

He gave his ex money for holiday childcare which she ‘forgot’ to book the first week so I had to look after dc which was fine as dh had work. Next week her mum was going to have the dc but is now unwell. She is telling dh he needs to come home early to have the dc as she can’t take the time off.

She is constantly messaging and calling and we are considering just turning our phones off if she continues pestering us this way.

This seems to be a regular thing with her not arranging childcare and then expecting us to rescue the situation which we try to accomodate if we can but this is the first time we’ve said no.

Could all four of your husband's children not go on holiday together?

Sartre · 08/08/2026 17:20

GodDamnitDonut · 08/08/2026 17:08

Many people do, so you will have to get over it. One of my daughters is currently on holidays with her aunt , the other is home with me. Believe me everyone is ok , no one developed ptsd from not coming on holidays.

Show quote history

Totally different. I take my teen DC’s on holidays alone so we can have 1:1 and also do something they would specifically enjoy. We also have family holidays we all enjoy, Disney would be one such holiday.

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