AIBU to refuse to cut short our holiday for childcare?

Normally I’d agree. But op said DP took the older two to Disney the previous year. Meaning, perhaps he also likes the time alone with the older ones two? It would be unfair if he only likes time with the younger her two and then all together.

Very unlikely train of thought for a 6 and 8 yr old sat in childcare while their dad has their younger siblings in Disneyland.

Nope the fact that she was 4 months pregnant when he arrived back from a 6 month deployment (DSD was 10 months old), moved 50 miles away and never put DSD in childcare despite asking for £ for it, kinda gave it away.

The projection on this from certain posters thread is crazy. Wrong forum to post on OP. You will never win if you are a step-parent and apparently all blended families (which are a huge percentage these days) all fit the same mould etc. etc.

I think it comes across that you and DP are working together with his ex to do the best thing for everyone, which we all know is not always the case. Absolutely he should be helping out with school holiday childcare and he has! No child has missed out on anything, (accept maybe your children, if following the logic of certain posters should also be included with their (half-siblings) when they go away independently with their other parent. Assuming they want to.

I doubt either set of children themselves are not annoyed because they feel like they are missing out. For the older 2 any reasonable parent would ensure a simple reminder that dad took them last year and they would be bored doing the toddler stuff this time around. They are all going away together in a few weeks and you have your holiday with mum.

It is just the way it is, and fact of life. Both sets of children have holidays together, and separately. No one is hard done by. I do get it, I unfortunatly have to write reports for court in private family law cases. It is nearly always about the adult animosity rather than the actual child. If the DH was only taking kids with OP on all holidays so they were missing out, the children themselves may feel hard done by. In this instance both sets of children get multiple holidays, either together or with the resident parent. Unless there is 'trip of a lifetime' as they get older that the other misses out on, I doubt they will care.

The same mother who required the help of a DNA test to figure out who the father of her children was? Really?

If these children were all the OPs biological children, having had 2 with a new father, would she have left the eldest two of her children behind?

Yeah it’s just they seem to be statistically much more common on MN don’t they…

I thought exactly the same.
The children are aged
8
6
4
2

You've just described DSD's mother in a nutshell. Just because neither you nor I would behave like that don't assume it's the same for all women, they walk among us.

The children of the second marriage are in Disneyland with their parents as they should be, the older children are not while their parent is. It's horrible. I actually also think all 4 should probably have gone last year but choosing not to take a baby and toddler is more understandable than not taking 2 kids old enough to understand they've been left behind.

I agree with others that you don't go home early, the childcare problem is the musk to sort and sounds like it's of her own making.

That doesn't mean it's ok to go to Disneyland with only 2 of your 4 young children. It's vile.

@UnhealthierWhy
Turn off your phones and get on with your holiday/lives
She's a manipulator
And is using "childcare chaos" as a stick to beat you both with
Don't let her
She's going to have to learn to be more organised isn't she?
My only concern is
Is she the sort to be 'neglectful"
Whilst telling tales of cruelty and disregard
To make youse both look like a terrible couple
If you've an inkling that could be so
Let her know you know
And remind her you've always been at her beck and call many a time
In the past

That comment wasn’t to contradict you, just a continuation of what you’ve picked out from her posts. Just feels very convenient OP is ticking all the saint boxes (even saving up to move next them god bless her) and the ex all the devil ones. Just all a bit predictable if you ask me.

First wives shouldn't be held to account, they can do whatever they like with whoever they like. It's always the Dad and new wife's fault if the Mum can't be bothered making arrangements. Even when she's been given the money to do so. Or that she moved away and now OP is planning to uproot her family to be closer to the ex so they can see the DC.

I bet they do.

None of this matters, because the dad went to Disney without his kids. He’s won the bad parent game. Can you see how both sides on this forum are ridiculous?

Bloody hell, grown women getting emotional over a Disney holiday. I bet the young kids don’t give a monkey, yet a bunch of grown ups considers a Disney holiday as some form of love declaration.

Your husband paid some money towards holiday club for his children, that was over his ex-wife's contact time?! You then ended up looking after the children anyway, because she didn't book the holiday club!! It's your husband's ex-wife's responsibility to arrange and pay for childcare during her time! Your husband needs to ask for the money back.

It sounds to me as if your husband needs stronger boundaries in place. His ex doesn't bother arranging child care, because she knows either you or your husband will step in to help! She's not arranged childcare this time, even though she knows you are away in Disney Paris, but is still expecting you both to just accept you need to come home early!

If your husband doesn't start putting boundaries in place, then his ex is going to continue to trample all over you both. Your husband needs to message her: "Laura, you are responsible for arranging childcare when it's your time with the children. You've had ample time to do this. As you are aware, we are away in Disney Paris, and won't be home until X. We won't be coming home early. You will need to make your own arrangements. I will speak to you once we're home". You then turn your phones off.

It may seem mean, but at the moment there's no consequences for her actions (or non action!). She just expects you to roll over and accommodate. In an absolute emergency of course, you'd help. This isn't an emergency, this is a situation of her own making. Boundaries and consequences, and then she'll think twice!

Maybe read the OP's updates

She then moved really far away, we have been saving and looking to move nearer to them again so dh can see them more.

They're just as likely to think 'our mum cheated on our Dad and made my Dad live somewhere else, so now we have 2 younger siblings who he is trying to make sure get to have the same holiday we had'.

At no point has the OP said even the ex has mentioned the children are upset about this.