AIBU to refuse to cut short our holiday for childcare?

Has she returned the extra money for childcare that she didn’t book?

Yeah but maybe as a family they've decided this is best for them... like I said some things can be done with parents separating on the day, some can be done with activities for all or maybe like this scenario it's just 2 different trips.

Too true. This woman's got some nerve expecting her ex to disrupt his holiday because she can't get her shit together. I bet she hasn't returned the money either. This sounds like the kind of stunt my DSD's mum would have pulled back in the day.

There are 2 parents going, it's a perfectly ordinary age gap, I've an 8 yr old my sister has a 2 yr old, we do days out together and there's loads both can enjoy but also they can compromise and split up at points. He has 4 kids, when you have 4 kids that's how holidays work. Even with 2 kids it's how days out and holidays work. Realistically a 2 yr old will be doing minimal Disney activities other than smiling and waving at characters from a buggy, which she could do waiting for a rollercoaster.

I didn't take it at face value.

Fwiw I think you need to stop telling her what you’re doing re taking the dcs in hols early on.
It’s her time either way the dcs. She needed childcare organised anyway.

So don’t tell her ahead of time. Check how it works out with the older dcs (you don’t want to keep THEM in the dark! So you need a middle ground between not saying anything to anyone and telling everyone way ahead oyswim)

You can switch your phone back in 3x a day (am, lunch, evening) to check so you’re not as worried about emergencies.

So the other children went on holiday with their mum and her partner, so they've had a holiday. God forbid OP wants a holiday with her own children alone. Considering the older kids get to have their's alone. I can't believe a mother would use her children's money given specifically for childcare on some shite for herself. Then get more for other things and again spends on herself. Don't be so bloody rude!

I think there is a massive difference between even six and two.

Potentially a holiday with an eight year old, six year old and four year old is manageable but not with a two year old in the mix.

But a 2 yr old and an 8yr old won't be doing the same things on a trip like Disney.

I agree that on maybe a normal sun holiday going to the beach and swimming pool etc it'd be unjustifiable not bringing all the kids. But a trip like Disney which is so expensive, I personally think it makes sense to divide and conquer. Perhaps they all could have gone together on year but then the parents would likely be split the entire week going in opposite directions with different child groups.

That’s her problem . Sorry but no way in hell I would cut my kids holiday short for someone who hobos an adult and needs to sort out her life

If his older kids were teenagers I'd agree, however these are 4 very close in age children

All the more reason to take them on holiday then, surely? Or actually not, since op posted that “they like to do things just their DC”??
As a step child and a step mum, no, I wouldn’t do that.

Nobody is trying to say he's Dad of the year... not once did the OP mention that. She dis however say that her husband took his 2 eldest kids to Disney last year.

I've mentioned earlier that in the last 12 months we have done something similar. My SS is 14, our shared children are 2 and under. We did some weekends away (staycations or visiting family) with the babies while my SS was at his mums because he would have been bored stiff engaging in baby friendly activities. On the flipside, my DH has taken SS on 2 European breaks in 2026 so far that were age appropriate and geared towards his interests - trips that aren't suitable for the younger kids.

Certainly when I was younger (in a nuclear family) my older brothers went on trips that I didn't go on... and I went on some trips my brothers didn't.

Fair and equal aren't necessarily the same thing. They could get equal holidays but they might not be fair given a 1 yr old and a 7yr old have different needs and desires.

I'm really pleased that everyone on this thread can afford to take 4 children to Disneyland at the same time.

No cost of living issues here!

(I do agree the OP's other half is a very quick worker)

And just to add, as a single mother (loan parent due to other parent being suddenly dead) you do not just 'forget' to book provisions for child care in the holidays. Particularly if you have had the handy reminder of having the money transferred to you to do so. I get some absent fathers are complete shits who think their £20 a week or whatever and one night of having their child means dad of the year, but by no means all of them. In this case, the ex made the choice to leave and move some distance away which is absolutely her right. However this will the make practicalities of day-to-day coparenting more difficult.

Thank you @BudgetBusterfor taking the time to reply.

Oh lord I’ve been part of military life FAR too long to have taken this at face value. Nothing is ever black and white. That’s why me and the other poster are raising our eyebrows at the simplistic and convenient story spouted out here. I have NO doubt your fella’s story was not black and white either. People are more complex than good and bad.

He loves with the youngest 30-31 days a month, the older kids are there 10 days a month. He gets 20-21 days a month alone with his younger kids. Taking them to Disney alone doesn't really seem necessary there

The mother of the stepchildren.

I'm not suggesting she's a saint, clearly, I'm saying in the stakes of shit parenting forgetting to book a holiday club is less shit than going to Disney without your 6 and 8 yr old. For all I know she's a horrible cow, but I certainly no he's no dad of the year however the op tries to sell it

Also agree what happened to the money sent for childcare? Is she just pocketing it?

That was my first thought too!

“The same mother who required the help of a DNA test to figure out who the father of her children was….”
Sorry you’ve lost me here @BudgetBuster
What mother ?
The OP or the mother of the stepchildren ?