AIBU to refuse to cut short our holiday for childcare?

So 2 of you would have been left home in childcare while the other 2 went to Disneyland and you'd have been quite happy at home in childcare while your 2 siblings had a week in Disney?

The projections on this thread are insane!

Have a lovely holiday, OP.

I would if they’d been old enough to know and understand what was going on. But they weren’t.

No, he took the older two on their own last year while the younger two who would have have been 3 and 1 at the time stayed at home. This year he has taken the younger two. The younger children are entitled to have a holiday with their biological parents just as much as the older kids are.

Restlessdreams1994
It must be pretty horrible for the older two to only see their dad ten days a month when the two younger half-siblings are with him all the time.

(provided that they actually like him, which hasn't been said.)

This is actually something I find confusing.

OK, the ex moved a long way off, so the two older children have to travel a long way for the two contacts, with each parent, to be maintained.

But I don't quite see why this would mean they have to spend twice as much time in one place as in the other: if it were 50/50 they'd be making the same journey the same number of times.

So one or other parent must have wanted their mother to have them twice as much as their father does, and it sounds very much as if it was the decision of the mother: she seems to be calling the shots somewhat.

Going by other divorced mums here, isn't that something she would have wanted? She's not a single parent; she has a partner for whom she left the children's father, so she isn't struggling to look after them on her own. Or is she? Her partner is the missing person in this account of what goes on, and I would like to know what part he plays.

Just saying my mum and dad had 4 kids and they regularly split us up for holidays to make it easie/more fun. None of us have any lasting resentment towards each other or our parents.

Bloody hell, why do some people have this compulsion to jam 'you knew' into each and every thread that has anything whatsoever to do with stepparenting? 🙄OP isn't complaining about being a stepparent, she's complaining because the ex is taking the piss. Divorced women aren't all saints, you know.

OP sadly this thread was never going to go well as the pure hatred for stepmothers on mumsnet is absolutely insane. You could say you have your step kids 29/30 days a month and pay the mum £30k a month and you’d still be told you’re unfair.

of course the mum needs to arrange this herself - either she takes the time off work or she finds alternative childcare. There is no issue at all with you taking your kids to Disney without the older two, especially as they’ve already been.

this is actually relevant to the thread, but since you’ve bought it up. Why are you presuming the DH in this situation doesn’t want the kids more often than 10 days? I work with one lady and have a friend from a different circle who purposely withhold their children’s time with their dads so they can get more maintenance to live off. They don’t want 50/50 because it means no cash for them.

Agreed. I know of a case of a woman who had an affair with her best friend's husband. She had a very young child when it started. She then had a second child. Not long after the birth she and the BF's H were discovered in flagrante and both couples split up. The ex-husband insisted on a DNA test and it emerged that the second child had been fathered by the BF's H, not the ex-husband, who was on the birth certificate and presumably had to get it re-issued. Remarkably, they are all on good terms now, but it took a long time to reach that point.

Whys it shit?!

I have things I do with only one of my kids that the others aren't involved in.. It's called life 🙄

Have you read the thread @GodDamnitDonut ? It was the Ex WIFE that left this man. She had an affair before she was pregnant with Baby #2 and continued it during. The man in this situation didn’t even know if baby #2 was his and the EX then decided to move a long distance away to be with her new man (presumably the one she had a affair with) and took the kids with her.

It sounds like you have some issues that’s tainted your view on men….

Do you think it’s unreasonable and mean that he took the eldest two last year without the youngest?

They were 1 and 3, I imagine they weren't that aware. If he did it again leaving them home I imagine they'd be pretty upset too. It seems like such a harsh plan on his part

Would you go onliday to Disneyland with your 2 and 4 yr old leaving your 6 and 8 yr old at home?

I wonder how the little ones felt when their daddy took their two older siblings to Disney without them last year…

The answer appears to be 'we didn't want them there and thought that was reasonable' which is definitely nuts.

Read the thread and you will have your answer

This, they’re barely older than yours with him. He didn’t leave much of a gap before he moved onto a new family!

It’s fine to take your own children on holiday, the step kids got a solo holiday with DH last year and no doubt get trips with their mum.

Everyone get some solo time with dad and that’s fine. can’t believe you’d be expected to take everyone everywhere - madness.

@Velumental I’m not suggesting for a moment you’re super old, but I know myself our memories are not reliable with these things. I have a five year old; it already seems light years since he was two and I know I’ve forgotten exactly what he was like; it merges with the one year old him and the three and four year old.

I can say that I don’t think many children bar babies would just sit in a pushchair while their siblings had fun, but I do accept children are different.

In any case the OP is there now with just two children, and that’s that.

Well yes, I'd assume all children would go to a ride if 3)4 of them wanted to go on it with 1 parent not going on but staying beside the ride with the toddler.

My youngest is 5, she was 2 not that long ago, at Disney there may be 1 or 2 things she could have gone on (she has always loved carousels and teacup type things) at 5 she's really into rollercoasters while my 8 yr old would rather have his hand chopped off) so it's not that I'm super old and didn't very recently have a toddler. We wouldn't have taken ours at 2 and 4 because it would have been lost on eldest who hates rides and youngest would literally have pottered about enjoying seeing the characters but that would have been about it.

Also with a 4 yr old child and 6 year old stepchild I wonder how big the difference is. You've made me think of that with your 'how close to 3' there could be just over a year's difference if stepchild has just turned 6 and eldest child is about to turn 5.

It depends on how close to three she is. But even thinking back to last summer (DD was three last month) I am not sure at all she would have sat quietly and waved and smiled from her buggy

I do sometimes think posters confuse two years with two months! Yes, < 18 months maybe but I don’t think many children older than that would sit happily in a buggy waving!

It’s also very different having one eight year old to one adult and one two year old and one adult to one two year old and three children to the other.

People saying the dh should holiday with all 4 kids are making a very big assumption that the children WANT to be blended. In practice usually, especially the first family, do not!!
The ex will have to sort it out.If she was seriously ill, it would be a different matter.