AIBU to ban a guest over dismissing a severe nut allergy?

Send this "Thanks friends do, you've just shown me who you really are. I am afraid you are no longer welcome in my home"

Block him, then send this to your friend.

"Dear friend, I'm afraid that I've had to uninvited your dp as he has made fun of my sons dp's life threatening allergy and frankly regardless of whether he thought he was funny or more concerningly he believes anaphylaxis to not be real, I'm afraid I just don't wish to spend time with him any more. I appreciate this makes things awkward for you, would still love it if you can attend, I am sure you don't need his permission for that"

More important that your son’s DP is kept safe though?

Your friend can still come.

We live in a cruel world. I often think some people see allergies as a chance to hurt others. they sense weakness.

Several times ive been on a plane and the air hostess asked everyone not to eat nuts, as someone has a severe allergy. Then I've seen someone on the plane open a packet of nuts anyway and the air hostess having to take it off them.

Do you remember when a boy in a school had a severe nut allergy and another boy threw a nut at him

I'd definitely uninvite him, and I wouldn't be polite about it. If anyone should ask why when at the do then just show them his messages. Say you would not be able to trust that he wouldn't bring nuts, or start shooting his mouth off.

He's a dickhead. Your friend can come without him.

As a person who has had anaphylactic shock more than once tell him he isn’t welcome

Is he abusive to your friend?
Or just a common or garden knob?
I would tell him directly, thanks but no thanks, but give your friend a heads up first.
Unless you feel that may put your friend in any sort of danger and then you may want to play it differently.

I understand that you don't want to make it awkward for your friend, but the nut allergy is serious, and the fact that he even bothered to write that message suggests that he may think it hilarious to bring something with nuts. He can't be trusted, tell him so and uninvite him.

Id univite him.

I work in a school and I know how life threatening allergies are

Bat it right back- I’d screenshot and post his message in the group chat and text if anyone thinks DP’s life threatening allergy is a choice, please don’t come with food that would risk her life

I think I’d have to do it in a really super concerned way rather than anything angry. So like…

Dave, I’m really worried about your message here. This is a life threatening allergy to nuts - her throat closes up and she stops breathing. Nuts in her food or near her could very easily kill her. She carries an EPI pen but there’s no guarantee it would work. I’m concerned enough about you feeling you had to message to really worry that you might not be as careful as you need to be about food. I’m so sorry but I think it’s better you don’t come on this occasion. This is a literal life and death situation and it’s too concerning that you don’t seem to understand that. Sorry - we’ll hopefully see you guys again separately soon.

And see what comes back!!

(Sent just to Dave and your friend/his partner - not in any group)

That’s not your problem. But to need to protect your son’s partner in your home so you cannot invite a man who is absolutely going to bring nuts to make his point. You have to uninvite him.

This. Definitely uninvite this twat. He sounds absolutely the type to bring or add nuts to ‘prove’ his position. But also, he’s just so rude. If your friend (his DP) is lovely then forget being awkward and tell her you cannot stomach him but she is welcome to come without him.

This.
Pretty fucking awkward if you had to call an ambulance thanks to Dave and his ‘beliefs’

I would be bloody worried about my friend and her judgement in people.

I would uninvite myself, ridiculing life threatening allergies is plain ignorant. You are not asking people to cook so they have no reason to complain.

I do think the announcement on planes once you are seated with food you have bought for the journey is wrong, airlines should be informed 72 hours out of allergies so they can send a standard email to passengers stating it’s a no nuts flight 48 hours ahead of departure, I’ll happily comply then, whereas if I gave a chicken satay wrap in my bag for my lunch I will eat it (it won’t be airborne of course, I wouldn’t open peanuts)

I'm trying (and failing) to understand his logic.

Throwing a spider at an arachnophobe = unpleasant, scary, traumatic even for them. But they wont die.

Giving an allergy sufferer nuts or even wafting them around them in some cases = a serious risk to their life that may easily prove fatal.

How in the name of all that's holy does he think they are comparable?!

The person who made it awkward for her is him. Maybe she’ll reflect on the fact that her partner is such a rude idiot that her friends don’t want him around them.

I would simply go back and say thanks for your ignorant message and you are no longer invited and don’t turn up. If that means your friend doesn’t turn up fine

i would then send a stinging message to your friend advising her that her partner is out of order, it’s life threatening and he is no longer welcome in your b9me at any point

Well, it would be more awkward if he brings his gotcha (some probably hidden nuts to “prove” she isn’t really allergic), and she has a serious allergic reaction, don’t you think?

Tbh, 'awkward' pales into insignificance compared to potential death. So I'd just explain that to her. If she's lovely she will understand.

I-d want to strangle him! Uninvite pronto

Your friend will be mortified that her H is such a twat. She’ll either be glad to leave him at home and enjoy the party without him, or if she tries to defend his shitty comments as a joke and insist that he doesn’t really believe what he wrote, it will give her the wake up call she needs, when she realises neither of them are coming if she wants to bring him.

His throwing spiders comment makes me think he’s probably just as much of a cunt to her on the regular.

nuh. its not just his comment but his attitude. I wouldn't want to be around a dickhead.

I'd uninvite him and leave it up to your friend to sort out what she's doing. OK she might be upset but you cannot risk him bringing nuts which would be far far worse than an upset friend.

Best of luck.