Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to ban a guest over dismissing a severe nut allergy?

251 replies

bagpuss90 · Yesterday 12:20

My sons DP has a severe nut allergy ., she obviously carries an epi pen. I’m hosting a get together tomorrow with friends and family invited . I’m doing most of the cooking but people are bringing drinks. A cpl of people have offered to cook and bring dishes. I’ve said no it’s fine as then I’ll be sure there are no nuts in anything . I put a msg out in the group chat to remind people to please not bring anything with nuts in just in case . I got a pm this morning from my friends DP saying my sons DP needs to get over it and she would probably have the same reaction if someone threw a spider at her or she walked past a graveyard. It’s a life threatening allergy not a bloody panic attack that she has ffs . I’d love to tell the ignorant prick he’s no longer welcome- but I don’t want to over react . But he’s ignorance and sheer stupidity have really irritated me. It would be so awkward though if I did tell him not to come . Thoughts please ..

OP posts:
Babygirlie · Yesterday 12:22

Absolutely uninvite him. What if he brings nuts to be funny? I read a story recently about a three year old who died from cross exposure and it’s so so devastating.

bagpuss90 · Yesterday 12:25

Babygirlie · Yesterday 12:22

Absolutely uninvite him. What if he brings nuts to be funny? I read a story recently about a three year old who died from cross exposure and it’s so so devastating.

They has crossed my mind that he might do that

OP posts:
BlueMum16 · Yesterday 12:28

I'd suggest he sit this one out too. I wouldn't risk him finding it humorous to 'spike her'

AtleastitsnotMonday · Yesterday 12:28

I’d be tempted to tell him he to either educate himself of anaphylaxis or not come.

MatildaTheCat · Yesterday 12:28

Why would you be over reacting by telling him not to come. Sounds like you’ll be doing everyone a favour, not just the GF with the allergy.

’Hi Dave, thanks for your thoughts on the subject. Best you don’t come tomorrow, bye now, @bagpuss90

Strangerthanfictions · Yesterday 12:29

I would take great delight in telling him he's no longer welcome

Kingdomofsleep · Yesterday 12:30

BlueMum16 · Yesterday 12:28

I'd suggest he sit this one out too. I wouldn't risk him finding it humorous to 'spike her'

If he does that deliberately, that's GBH and a police matter.

Op I'd maybe remind him that and take it from there

TFImBackIn · Yesterday 12:30

Me too - I would love to tell him he's not invited - and not invited ever again, either.

hopspot · Yesterday 12:31

Why on earth has he contacted you to say that? What an absolute idiot.

thenightsky · Yesterday 12:31

I wouldn't trust him to not bring a secret bag of nuts and throw one at her. He sounds like a twat. A dangerous twat.

ntmdino · Yesterday 12:32

I'd say that he now represents a clear danger to somebody you actually do like. Ditch the moron.

Loulou4022 · Yesterday 12:32

I think he needs to sit this one out! You’re being so lovely in making sure everything is nut free so your son’s DP can enjoy the event and relax and he’s being an absolute cockwomble! I would absolutely message him and say that as he doesn’t seem to understand the life threatening nature of her allergy it’s best if he doesn’t attend!

Bearssaidhearegenerallyverywelldressed · Yesterday 12:34

bagpuss90 · Yesterday 12:20

My sons DP has a severe nut allergy ., she obviously carries an epi pen. I’m hosting a get together tomorrow with friends and family invited . I’m doing most of the cooking but people are bringing drinks. A cpl of people have offered to cook and bring dishes. I’ve said no it’s fine as then I’ll be sure there are no nuts in anything . I put a msg out in the group chat to remind people to please not bring anything with nuts in just in case . I got a pm this morning from my friends DP saying my sons DP needs to get over it and she would probably have the same reaction if someone threw a spider at her or she walked past a graveyard. It’s a life threatening allergy not a bloody panic attack that she has ffs . I’d love to tell the ignorant prick he’s no longer welcome- but I don’t want to over react . But he’s ignorance and sheer stupidity have really irritated me. It would be so awkward though if I did tell him not to come . Thoughts please ..

Absolutely uninvite, you can't trust this person not to show up with nuts or not to play a practical joke! Some things are worth falling out over.

RollercoasterMum22 · Yesterday 12:35

He is a selfish prick. He is not to go

AntiHop · Yesterday 12:36

Yanbu.

I do not understand this attitude that allergies are some kind of moral failing. It's such a weird attitude.

thisisyoursign · Yesterday 12:37

Apart from being really rude, he sounds quite dim to compare a nut allergy to fear of spiders etc when they’re totally different (medical) things?

I’d respond something like “what are you on about, it’s a severe nut allergy which we take seriously and expect our guests are respectful enough to do the same”

BeardySchnauzer · Yesterday 12:37

You say he is your friends dp so assume his invite is via her? Was she in the chat?

i would be worried that he would bring nuts in order to prove himself right tbh so definitely uninvite

Clarinet1 · Yesterday 12:37

Yes, I’d uninvite him some how; He sounds like an idiot.

TheBrunswick · Yesterday 12:42

Uninvite him and tell your friend why.
I wouldn’t allow him in your home again ever.
He’s an ignorant person and probably a misogynist.
How dare he message you with his unwanted and dangerous opinion about an event in your own home.

7238SM · Yesterday 12:43

What did his DP say? Does he have special needs?

'Dear dickhead, its best you don't come to the bbq this weekend, I'm sure we will see you soon'

godmum56 · Yesterday 12:46

TFImBackIn · Yesterday 12:30

Me too - I would love to tell him he's not invited - and not invited ever again, either.

This absolutely

Whyherewego · Yesterday 12:52

MatildaTheCat · Yesterday 12:28

Why would you be over reacting by telling him not to come. Sounds like you’ll be doing everyone a favour, not just the GF with the allergy.

’Hi Dave, thanks for your thoughts on the subject. Best you don’t come tomorrow, bye now, @bagpuss90

This nails it. What a horrible person

Dollymylove · Yesterday 12:52

I would ban him, and not in a polite way. Oh and I would ban him from any future gatherings as well

Inevergotthatfar · Yesterday 12:53

There is a good chance your sons DP could be harmed by this idiot turning up with nuts , I would uninvite and deal with the awkwardness. Not worth the risk.

PinkNailPolish2026 · Yesterday 12:57

I’d uninvite him, I’d be too worried in case he brought something containing nuts. Some idiots can’t understand how life threatening a nut allergy is.