AIBU to ban a guest over dismissing a severe nut allergy?

YANBU to uninvite him but, because you value your friend, I'd do it as kindly but honestly & firmly as possible e.g.

Dear (knob)
I was a bit floored by your message because everyone around us takes X's severe nut allergy very seriously. Exposure to nuts is likely to lead to anaphylactic shock for her, which could kill her. It's a pity you don't accept this as I was looking forward to seeing you with (lovely friend) at the BBQ. I am sure you will understand that we can't have anyone present who does not take the allergy seriously and could pose a risk to X. Therefore I would prefer that you did not attend with (lovely friend)

uninvite! I’d tell him straight that the NHS don’t provide expensive EpiPens for people unless it’s life threatening, if he can’t respect that then he’s not welcome

Also some people just really don't understand allergies.

I have animal allergies, and the number of people who get offended because they think I don't like dogs and cats is shocking. Honestly.

I love animals, it's just they make me itch and cry so I can't exactly hang out with them, even if I want to.

Many people just don't understand that "I'm allergic to X" is not the same as "I don't like X".

I'd tell him not to come, post his message on the group WhatApp with the message already suggested, and then tell your friend that her DP isn't coming. I'd be worried that if he is uninvited, he might tamper with any food the friend brings, so tell her not to bother with bringing food, maybe she can bring some drinks.
I am actually flabbergasted that someone invited to a party and asked not to bring anything containing nuts would actually argue the toss. Especially when the host is not even his friend, but his partner's friend. It's CF territory, and proves he's a knob.

I think you have to uninvite him @bagpuss90 I wouldn't want to risk her safety and he sounds like the type of person who would think it funny to expose her to show it's all fake.
I don't think you have a choice. I would message my friend to share my concern as the reason he isn't welcome.
He is a prick.

Brilliant.

So you dont want to upset your ftiend but you dont mind if she brings this arsehole and he causes this poor girl to have an attack? No I would say you are not invited and you can fuck right off with your views on nut allergy. He sounds like he is really dangerous.

Not someone I'd be worried about offending tbh, sounds like a deeply unpleasant person.

Also, who throws spiders at people? (and who would be OK with having spiders thrown at them? - even without a phobia, not exactly pleasant!)

Weird and childish thing to say.

Tell him if any harm comes to your partner as a result of food he brings to the party, you will sue his nuts off, pun intended. Tell him you have saved and screenshotted his messages as evidence and have a lawyer ready. If he still wants to come to the party that's up to him.

I’d uninvite him PDQ.

‘Sorry, but this is a life-threatening allergy I mentioned, not some fad or mere fussiness. Given your previous remarks, your invitation is withdrawn since I can’t trust you to follow my request about banned foodstuffs.’

I'd definitely respond.

As you seem not to understand, you are no longer invited tomorrow. I suggest you use the time whilst (name of his partner) is enjoying our hospitality to improve your comprehension skills on life threatening allergies.

Why is he messaging you? Its just weird to start with.

Id send a scathing reply and tell him to.chnage his attitude or dont bother to attend your party

Hi Pete, thanks for that. If she eats nuts, chances are she’ll die. All things considered, best you stay at home and play with your own nuts.

He may well make stupid comments in front of her, so don’t let him come.

People like this are so awful, food tampering ought to be a criminal offence. As the mother of an anaphylactically allergic child, I hope he ends up with a mother in law as lovely and thoughtful as you one day!

She has some unusual allergies including nightshades so when she's at parties (she's 6) I need to be able to trust that they have not chopped the cucumber after the peppers and carrots for the dips for example

I'm quite "up" on allergies but wouldn't have known about nightshade ones, so thanks for this information - I'll have to read up more on those!

Perfect.

Of course YANBU

It doesn’t matter if it wasn’t life threatening or if you were being dramatic - you’re kind enough to invite them and he’s gone out of his way to slag off your child!!

i dont think he is the type to care. many people are cruel.

I saw an air hostess ask people not to eat nuts as there was an allergy abroad. the man two seats away from me laughed and immediately started eating a packet of peanuts. some people literally see it as an opportunity to hurt someone

I would send him this information… advise that he reads it thoroughly to educate himself, and correct his ignorance. If he does not wish to, then his presence at your house is no longer welcome.

https://www.anaphylaxis.org.uk/fact-sheet/peanut-and-tree-nut-allergy/

(they have other very good fact sheets if this one doesn’t cover her specific allergy)

And post it on mumsnet too! I can’t even imagine this message

Why are you so sure? If hes like this out in the open… I would be worried for my friend (and seriously question her taste in men)

Yes. that was my first thought to.

What on earth does it have to do with him anyway. Even if he thought it was a bit much, to make a point of messaging you.

I also thought he might take you or son's DP to task in front of everyone, as he sounds mad enough to do it, or make some sarky comments about the food, which could embarrass her...

Sounds like too much of risk that he would spoil your party or upset your son or his DP in some way.

did you talk to your friend about what he said.

ask her to explain to him how serious a nut allergy is. get her to show him articles

What does your friend think of her assh*le partner? He’s a prince. Is he always like this? Tell your friend he’s not coming and why.