AIBU to ban a guest over dismissing a severe nut allergy?

But if he comes he will make it awkward for/try and embarrass your Son's partner. He will make sarcastic and dismissive comments loudly in her pressence. How will you handle that? Which feels less difficult - nipping his ignorant entitlement in the bud by withdrawing the invite or a scene at your event?

Just respond factually - her allergy is life threatening so please do not bring anything that may contain nuts. No need to address his ridiculous statements.

You can actually be allergic to anything. I know one boy who used to be anaphylatic to rice as a baby!

There are 14 "most common" allergens but this isn't a fully comprehensive list,non some countries it's 11 or 12. The UK list includes lupin for example and it's unusual to have a lupin allergy in the UK as it's very very rarely in foods here but more common in processed foods elsewhere.

She is also allergic to pea protein, now this is one that is gaining more attention, especially with the rise of "high protein" and vegan foods as it's a good way of adding protein with meat products. She dairy, soya and egg allergies too and we find pea/fava bean proteins etc in quite a few dairy free products. We broadly stick to whole foods as find it's easier to avoid her allergens as ultra processed foods more often include hidden ingredients where you would not expect them

Send him this.

I would definitely uninvite him. Anaphylaxis is no joke, EpiPens are first line of defence, but hospital treatment is needed.

if he wishes to come tell him if anything untoward happens you will have no hesitation in calling the police and having him charged with possible manslaughter. And yes it really is that serious.

You want your son’s DP to feel welcome in your home and to feel like one of the family. As someone with severe allergies I can attest that the world is full of hostile people who dismiss the danger we experience every time we leave the safety of our own carefully curated spaces. Uninviting this jerk will help your son and his partner feel like they can always come to your home without worry. That should be your goal.

I know of a takeaway that didn't take an allergy seriously, the customer died.

Your friends dp is a prick who needs educating but also uninviting. He sounds stupid enough to try and prove his point, it's just not worth the risk.

I’d reply to this copper-bottomed bell-end exactly as you’ve phrased it in your post - “FFS Barry! It’s a life threatening allergy, not a bloody panic attack!”

@Superscientist mum of another DC who is allergic to nightshades here 👋. He’s also got a few other allergies (legumes, some pollens, cat dander). It’s part of life for us but it’s infuriating when people lump it in with fussy eating!

My ex-MIL was vegan and used to take great delight in serving up surprise vegan options that people didn’t want to prove you couldn’t tell the difference. My brother with a nut allergy certainly could tell when she made him a coffee with almond milk…

Would you mind sharing the details of this with me by private message.. @Babygirlie

Yes, would he imagine that was all in the three yr old's head, it the result of a panic attack? What a moron.

Dp is allergic to nuts and my father and I are allergic to wasp stings (no idea about bee stings)

All allergies came on out of nowhere and all 3 of us have nearly died

It's not a joke-i love peanuts but we cant (and wont) have them in the house and I have to be careful for about 6 months of the year

People have died-i read about one lad who was allergic to dairy and some idiot threw a cheese slice at him and the poor woman who died after eating a pret sandwich

I would sheetshot his message,put it on the group chat and uninvite the nasty pillock

Allergies kill

Then I would message her and ask her not to bring him to your house. Tell her she is welcome to attend without him and then leave it up to her how she deals with it. I would explain that you need to be able to trust everyone to adhere to the safety rules, because nut allergy can be life-threatening.

If you don’t disinvite I bet you he’ll make a beeline for her and give her his theories

or he’ll throw a nut at her🙄

the fact he PM’d you at all is so odd he’s clearly got a real issue with allergies

@TwoBagsOfCompost I was fine with antibiotics until this year - fortunately not penicillin but the ones for UTIs, diverticulitis - fortunately I don't have diverticulitis but the antibiotics they gave me whilst ruling this out made me really unwell. I have become more allergic to perfumes - not just me wearing them which makes me scratch but now ones other people are wearing are making my lips tingle - same with hair dyes

It's far more awkward to have to do CPR on your son's partner until the epi kicks in because your friend's bf exposed her to her allergen. And if the airway is closed you can't oxygenate them.

Your friend's bf was aggressive in his response to your reasonable request and I wouldn't trust him to not bring something nutty.

First, tell your son's DP to watch out for this man. She will have had a lifetime of this crap already.

Secondly, you wait for a lull in the conversation when everyone is listening and ask him what he meant when he said [read his text verbatim].

Rude, obnoxious pricks deserve to be called out. They have no problem dishing out but never, ever can take it.

Then they both need to be excluded totally as you don't know what he will put in a pocket or anywhere else that will accidentally fall out and contaminate anything.

Some people are ignorant and don’t take allergies seriously. Even when my son was at secondary school I had to drum it into them about how serious cross contamination was when he found a stray chick pea in a wrap that wasn’t supposed to contain chickpeas. They just couldn’t see the issue even though his allergies had been logged with the school. (He is allergic to chickpeas and sesame). Likes others have mentioned I wouldn’t trust the family member after their comments, so would uninvited.

You don’t need to tell him not to come but you do need to respond saying I don’t think you understand; it’s not an intolerance or dislike or phobia it’s a life threatening allergy that can cause an anaphylactic reaction and death. See what response you get.

Well it's either risk that or risk your sons DG life? I know what I
would choose

OMG! What a twit! Definitely un-invite him. He’s rude, ignorant and clearly can’t be trusted. Explain to your friend why and say she can still come but you won’t be letting him in. However, I wouldn’t let your friend bring any food contribution as I wouldn’t trust her fuckwit of a partner not to put some nuts in it.

When you message the twit, I wouldn’t thank him for his thoughts. That makes it sound like they’re valid and you and him just have a difference of opinion. I’d tell him outright that he’s frighteningly ignorant and dismissive about anaphylaxis, and thus you can’t have him anywhere near your guests.

You’re not disinviting them forever, just disinviting him for this event as he doesn’t seem to understand the risks to the other guests.