AIBU to ban a guest over dismissing a severe nut allergy?

Ban them!!! My sister's exH's family thought the same about her nut allergy. They put nuts in the food to "trick" her into proving she didn't have a nut allergy. She immediately knew the first bite of the food, she started to go into anaphylaxis and the ambulance trip convinced them it was real. Good riddance to that awful family!!

Agree it’s weird. Tell him you no longer feel comfortable with him attending the party, since he’s been rude and dismissive of your daughter’s life threatening allergy.

100% agree, post a screenshot of his message to shine a high beam on this prick, and explain that as a result, you’re going to withdraw his invitation because you won’t risk anything happening to son’s DP.

text your friend too @bagpuss90 and tell her she’s invited, but he won’t be coming to your home again because of the message.

He made it awkward for her and for you. Do you think he gives a shit? Treat him as he treats others. He's responsible for any bad feelings, not you when you tell him where he can insert his bag of mixed nuts

Definitely uninvite the prick and send him this link. This poor woman is suffering the consequences of ignoranuses like this prick.

https://share.google/YYajOMzlO9EMcU2xT

So there's two issues there. First he's ignorant about nut allergies. Second, he thinks it's appropriate and acceptable to insult your family member.
If the first isn't a reason to uninvite him, the second is.

You've also considered the possibility that he might spike her. Even if this is a stretch, it's likely that he'll be rude and passively aggressive towards/about her.
Protect your family over this bellend

Thinking about it,this is exactly the sort of thing my dickhead ex would do

He's the sort of dickhead who would bring nuts in his pocket or make sure he'd scoffed a snickers before he came round to prove a point

I'm amazed he's not killed someone-he certainly fed (then) toddler dd some cheapy white chocolate buttons that she'd had a reaction to a few weeks before

(she went a blotchy red and was gasping-id given her the chocolate and rushed her to hospital,where they said to never give her this brand again as she had a mild reaction to them-i still feel really guilty but had no way of knowing)

He went out of his way to buy some more a few weeks later (I'd bought them from a sweet shop and hed gone back to the same shop) and fed them to her and when the same thing happened,he laughed and said he didn't think it would matter

It's serious-dd had a much worse reaction and we ended up in the back of an ambulance,a hospital stay and a bollocking from the doctor (rightly so)

We could have lost her because dickhead thought it was funny

She still can't eat that brand (no idea what's in them that sets her off) but to him,it was one big joke

He was the same with neat pineapple juice-he would give her it behind my back and I was left dealing with the worst nappy rash I've ever seen-her arse looked like a slab of steak

All for his own amusement-'but she likes it'

Maybe she did but certainly not litres of it neat

Glad he's an ex and when we broke up,he fucked off-i think he would have killed her if he hadnt

This is your own dear son's girlfriend?
Tell the ignorant pig he is not welcome if he thinks endangering the girl's live is a joke.

I voted YABU. That's because you've not told the ignorant prick to fuck off.

My son is your sons dp,I would absolutely tell him not to come! It’s life or death, what an absolute idiot and I’d be telling my friend that

Subject to the severity of the allergy just being in the room can trigger it if nuts have been used or eaten elsewhere. My sil has this with penicillin. Someone taking it can trigger a reaction if she is nearby.

So you have two choices here:

1. let knob come with friend so it's not awkward for friend but run the very real risk he will be a knob to your DIL or, worse bring nuts to prove he is right and potentially kill her; or
2. point out to knob nuts could kill DIL but spiders won't and if he says a word to DIL about allergies or brings anything containing nuts to the event he will be asked to leave and reported to police for attempted murder as he has already been warned of the consequences of nuts being in the vicinity of DIL and therefore should he bring them one can only assume he wishes to maliciously harm DIL

So guest dies but mate isn't offended...marvelous attitude.

I'd revoke the invite

Screen shot the message and send it to her. Tell her to come alone.

Id also message him back to tell him nuts will kill her. And He needs to get over himself and get a basic education.

Fucking grade A fool

Send him this information and ask for his specific confirmation that he will not bring anything with nuts in, and that he will make sure he has not eaten nuts before coming to the house. If he doesn't give that confirmation, tell him and your friend that you can't take the risk and he's uninvited.

I would message him and say "That message was very rude, and I think given your inability to be receptive to my requests as a host it would be better for you not to come as a guest. To be clear - I have withdrawn your invitation. Have a good weekend..."

Or "I didn't expect to receive such a rude message from someone I have invited as a guest, and unfortunately you are now no longer welcome."

And message your friend and say you know it is him, not her, and you feel no awkwardness with her, and would love to see her but after such a rude message you just don't feel uncomfortable inviting him.

I wouldn't get into saying he might do or say something stupid or irresponsible - that will just start a back and forth of 'oh no he won't' etc. And leave your friend feeling that she needs to police his behaviour and language. Just disinvite him, job done (and don't engage - I would block him, how does he even have your contact details?)

Don’t ‘regret’ or ‘soften the blow’. It makes you sound like an apologist. Just tell the idiot he isn’t wanted in your home.

His opinions on allergies aside - it was incredibly rude, aggressive and obnoxious to message you like that.

I wouldn't risk him not being an arse and bringing nuts just to ‘prove’ the allergy is not real
I would speak to my friend to say you’re welcome but don't bring him sending her the message.
Why is he messaging you anyway?

Even if you have epi pens and live in close proximity to a hospital people still die, it is an awful allergy to have, life is incredibly difficult.

I don't understand why you haven't answered him and based on what he says next, then that decides if he is still invited. You've got Christmas coming up and you might find that you've alienated your DS and his GF, because of your friend's choice of boyfriend.

There is no cure for stupid 🙄

Make sure you've screenshotted/photographed the message on your phone so it can't disappear.

If you don't tell your friend that he isn't to come, it'll be useful evidence to show the Police in the event of an 'accidental' shaking of hands whilst smeared with peanut butter or the like.

My son had a boy in his school who died from anaphylaxis after eating street food.It was not a nut allergy but witnessing the distress that this tragedy caused will never leave me! I would 100% disinvite this ignorant arsehole !