AIBU to ban a guest over dismissing a severe nut allergy?

Then I would message her and ask her not to bring him to your house. Tell her she is welcome to attend without him and then leave it up to her how she deals with it. I would explain that you need to be able to trust everyone to adhere to the safety rules, because nut allergy can be life-threatening.

If you don’t disinvite I bet you he’ll make a beeline for her and give her his theories

or he’ll throw a nut at her🙄

the fact he PM’d you at all is so odd he’s clearly got a real issue with allergies

@TwoBagsOfCompost I was fine with antibiotics until this year - fortunately not penicillin but the ones for UTIs, diverticulitis - fortunately I don't have diverticulitis but the antibiotics they gave me whilst ruling this out made me really unwell. I have become more allergic to perfumes - not just me wearing them which makes me scratch but now ones other people are wearing are making my lips tingle - same with hair dyes

It's far more awkward to have to do CPR on your son's partner until the epi kicks in because your friend's bf exposed her to her allergen. And if the airway is closed you can't oxygenate them.

Your friend's bf was aggressive in his response to your reasonable request and I wouldn't trust him to not bring something nutty.

First, tell your son's DP to watch out for this man. She will have had a lifetime of this crap already.

Secondly, you wait for a lull in the conversation when everyone is listening and ask him what he meant when he said [read his text verbatim].

Rude, obnoxious pricks deserve to be called out. They have no problem dishing out but never, ever can take it.

Then they both need to be excluded totally as you don't know what he will put in a pocket or anywhere else that will accidentally fall out and contaminate anything.

Some people are ignorant and don’t take allergies seriously. Even when my son was at secondary school I had to drum it into them about how serious cross contamination was when he found a stray chick pea in a wrap that wasn’t supposed to contain chickpeas. They just couldn’t see the issue even though his allergies had been logged with the school. (He is allergic to chickpeas and sesame). Likes others have mentioned I wouldn’t trust the family member after their comments, so would uninvited.

You don’t need to tell him not to come but you do need to respond saying I don’t think you understand; it’s not an intolerance or dislike or phobia it’s a life threatening allergy that can cause an anaphylactic reaction and death. See what response you get.

Well it's either risk that or risk your sons DG life? I know what I
would choose

OMG! What a twit! Definitely un-invite him. He’s rude, ignorant and clearly can’t be trusted. Explain to your friend why and say she can still come but you won’t be letting him in. However, I wouldn’t let your friend bring any food contribution as I wouldn’t trust her fuckwit of a partner not to put some nuts in it.

When you message the twit, I wouldn’t thank him for his thoughts. That makes it sound like they’re valid and you and him just have a difference of opinion. I’d tell him outright that he’s frighteningly ignorant and dismissive about anaphylaxis, and thus you can’t have him anywhere near your guests.

You’re not disinviting them forever, just disinviting him for this event as he doesn’t seem to understand the risks to the other guests.

YANBU to uninvite him but, because you value your friend, I'd do it as kindly but honestly & firmly as possible e.g.

Dear (knob)
I was a bit floored by your message because everyone around us takes X's severe nut allergy very seriously. Exposure to nuts is likely to lead to anaphylactic shock for her, which could kill her. It's a pity you don't accept this as I was looking forward to seeing you with (lovely friend) at the BBQ. I am sure you will understand that we can't have anyone present who does not take the allergy seriously and could pose a risk to X. Therefore I would prefer that you did not attend with (lovely friend)

uninvite! I’d tell him straight that the NHS don’t provide expensive EpiPens for people unless it’s life threatening, if he can’t respect that then he’s not welcome

Also some people just really don't understand allergies.

I have animal allergies, and the number of people who get offended because they think I don't like dogs and cats is shocking. Honestly.

I love animals, it's just they make me itch and cry so I can't exactly hang out with them, even if I want to.

Many people just don't understand that "I'm allergic to X" is not the same as "I don't like X".

I'd tell him not to come, post his message on the group WhatApp with the message already suggested, and then tell your friend that her DP isn't coming. I'd be worried that if he is uninvited, he might tamper with any food the friend brings, so tell her not to bother with bringing food, maybe she can bring some drinks.
I am actually flabbergasted that someone invited to a party and asked not to bring anything containing nuts would actually argue the toss. Especially when the host is not even his friend, but his partner's friend. It's CF territory, and proves he's a knob.

I think you have to uninvite him @bagpuss90 I wouldn't want to risk her safety and he sounds like the type of person who would think it funny to expose her to show it's all fake.
I don't think you have a choice. I would message my friend to share my concern as the reason he isn't welcome.
He is a prick.

Brilliant.

So you dont want to upset your ftiend but you dont mind if she brings this arsehole and he causes this poor girl to have an attack? No I would say you are not invited and you can fuck right off with your views on nut allergy. He sounds like he is really dangerous.

Not someone I'd be worried about offending tbh, sounds like a deeply unpleasant person.

Also, who throws spiders at people? (and who would be OK with having spiders thrown at them? - even without a phobia, not exactly pleasant!)

Weird and childish thing to say.

Tell him if any harm comes to your partner as a result of food he brings to the party, you will sue his nuts off, pun intended. Tell him you have saved and screenshotted his messages as evidence and have a lawyer ready. If he still wants to come to the party that's up to him.

I’d uninvite him PDQ.

‘Sorry, but this is a life-threatening allergy I mentioned, not some fad or mere fussiness. Given your previous remarks, your invitation is withdrawn since I can’t trust you to follow my request about banned foodstuffs.’

I'd definitely respond.

As you seem not to understand, you are no longer invited tomorrow. I suggest you use the time whilst (name of his partner) is enjoying our hospitality to improve your comprehension skills on life threatening allergies.

Why is he messaging you? Its just weird to start with.

Id send a scathing reply and tell him to.chnage his attitude or dont bother to attend your party

Hi Pete, thanks for that. If she eats nuts, chances are she’ll die. All things considered, best you stay at home and play with your own nuts.

He may well make stupid comments in front of her, so don’t let him come.