Page 4 | AIBU to ban a guest over dismissing a severe nut allergy?

Sharptonguedwoman · 09/08/2026 18:30

TwoBagsOfCompost · 08/08/2026 21:00

I get it. Mainly I understand how my post comes across and you’re right from your perspective. It’s hard to explain our office setup/occupancy/layout etc. Those notes have appeared out of nowhere, forbidding us six occupants who are not allergic from eating anything that contains nuts. In theory it’s a communal office but in practice it’s only us. What I’m getting to is that it was clearly a box ticking exercise - signs appearing randomly and quietly and they’re not even prominently displayed, they’re just placed on a bench. Bizarre. You’d think if they were being serious about it we’d have got an email so that they’re sure everyone is aware.

Anyway yes I realise how I sound, but again it’s not like anyone’s notified anyone about an actual allergy. Never mind rant over! 😫

Show quote history

The school I worked in was completely nut free. Absolutely everyone complied. You’ll be fine.

Oldmamabear · 09/08/2026 18:25

He cannot come. He does not understand the seriousness. Any awkwardness is on him for creating a situation through sheer ignorance.

Timble · 09/08/2026 18:20

Some people have absolutely no clue! I’d be furious with how rude he was! No one desperately needs to eat nuts ffs! My friend has a nut allergy and she’s usually ok on flights but a recent long haul she asked if they might not serve nuts as she hasn’t flown that long and can’t guarantee she wouldn’t have a reaction. The airline said they wouldn’t serve them but then they did! When she questioned it they said ‘oh but we’re not giving nuts to the people beside you’ it’s like they had no clue about airborne allergies!!

Zerosleep · 09/08/2026 18:10

Uninvite him now. This is exactly the kind of person who will bring them on purpose and then profess they had no idea when it all goes badly wrong.

MrExperinced · 09/08/2026 17:48

Total food-related deaths: Around 10 people die each year in the UK from severe food allergic reactions.
Nut contribution: Peanuts and tree nuts are responsible for nearly half of these fatal cases.
Prevalence: Millions in the UK live with diagnosed food allergies, though fatal outcomes remain rare due to improved emergency response and wider availability of adrenaline auto-injectors. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5]

Send her this and ask why is being being so unsympathetic and inconsiderate. This not a fad issue it is real.

Allergen Incident Statistics UK: 2026 Facts, Data & Key Insights

2 million people in the UK have a food allergy and around 10 die from food anaphylaxis every year. The latest allergen incident statistics — hospital admissions, Natasha's Law, Owen's Law, and what food businesses must do. Updated for 2026.

https://www.foodhygienecertificate.co.uk/blog/allergen-incident-statistics-uk

MeridianB · 09/08/2026 09:23

Well done, OP. Hope she ditches him very soon.

runnersfeet · 09/08/2026 08:47

Well played OP. I hope he's mortified. Have a lovely gathering 💕

Onefairfish · 09/08/2026 08:11

He failed Logic 101 didn’t he? A fear of spiders/graveyards is a phobia. An allergy is not a phobia. Tell him to stay at home and consult the dictionary.

Itchysidefoot · 09/08/2026 06:00

bagpuss90 · 08/08/2026 20:35

Thanks everyone 😊Update - I have uninvited him- but made it clear that my friend is still very welcome. She is mortified by what he says but sadly I don’t think she is altogether surprised

I would be questioning who the heck I was friends with and whether she really was all that “lovely” if she was in a relationship with someone that she knew all to well spouted poison like he did and… essentially just shrugged.

Shitshowpolitics · 09/08/2026 00:10

SeaAndSangria · 08/08/2026 23:56

Or maybe he's just a dickhead.

Show quote history

He does it to embarrass his wife. He played up because he didn't want to go. Although the op has uninvited him and told his wife she can come. I doubt she'll turn up. Some people like to have control.

SeaAndSangria · 08/08/2026 23:56

Shitshowpolitics · 08/08/2026 23:55

He does it on purpose to embarrass her.

Show quote history

Or maybe he's just a dickhead.

Shitshowpolitics · 08/08/2026 23:55

bagpuss90 · 08/08/2026 12:57

The main reason I’m hesitant is because of my friend, who is lovely . I have no idea why she’s with him. I don’t want to make it awkward for her

He does it on purpose to embarrass her.

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 08/08/2026 23:39

TwoBagsOfCompost · 08/08/2026 13:31

I’m someone who’s “sceptical” about the severity of nut allergies (don’t attack me yet, I’ll explain) but I’d 100% uninvite him as he sounds like a twat who would either bring nuts to be funny or who would absolutely bring it up in a combative way and make it awkward for everyone.

Nut allergies are real, I’m not an allergy denier. I just am a bit sceptical about adults who until yesterday ate everything without a moments thought, and today they have a severe nut allergy to the point where they can’t be in the same house as a protein bar. We recently had signs installed in our open plan office that ban anything with nuts in it “in case of severe allergies”. It’s mostly me and my team in this office and none of us has an allergy. We sit at our own desks that we wipe down before and after. And we’re adults. It’s not like we’ll be smearing peanut butter everywhere. So now basically 99% of snacks are forbidden as they all have traces of nuts, even though this is done purely from the perspective of “just in case”. In a mostly empty huge open plan office. It’s just stupid.

Edited

Show quote history

It sounds like they’ve banned foods with nuts in them, not foods that may contain traces of nuts?

Fearandanxiety · 08/08/2026 23:30

Sadly this reaction is all too common. I also have an allergy to nuts and I’ve experienced some awful comments over the years. Offering me cake and being told a few little nuts won’t hurt you. Going to a pub with a friend who is no longer my friend and watching her secretly eating nuts out of her coat pocket even though I’ve told her that the smell can cause reaction. Colleagues laughing years ago about Russian roulette with a packet of revells.

SonK · 08/08/2026 22:52

I would uninvite him. I don't have a nut allergy but due to a paracetamol and insect bite allergy I have been hospitalized three times during my life. My allergies were very mild to begin with when I was a child, but are now life threatening.

Tortielady · 08/08/2026 22:11

bagpuss90 · 08/08/2026 20:35

Thanks everyone 😊Update - I have uninvited him- but made it clear that my friend is still very welcome. She is mortified by what he says but sadly I don’t think she is altogether surprised

Nicely done @bagpuss90

The man is a total sociopathic bell-end. If he'd still been allowed to come, how much pleasure would you, your DS or his DP have got from the event? Could you have enjoyed it, knowing you couldn't take your eyes off this horrible man in case he did something unconscionably wicked and cruel? That's aside from him messaging you in the way that he did; hyenas couldn't drag someone up with his manners. Screenshot all messages from him and if there are any repercussions, you will have an electronic paper paper trail with which you can entertain all involved parties. It will also give you something you can present to the police, if for any reason, they become involved.

FFSItsTooHot · 08/08/2026 22:11

Bloody hell. What an attitude. I would definitely in-invite him.

TwoBagsOfCompost · 08/08/2026 22:07

Beenwhereyouareagain · 08/08/2026 21:51

I see your point. I pounced on "severity" and didn't pause before posting. 🙄

If it's been posted as a legally-required notice and not in response to someone's nut allergy, it must feel unfair. I don't know how you or HR might get around it, though.

Show quote history

No worries! I didn’t express myself well anyway plus to be fair I was venting slightly. Also at any rate it is a bit arsey of me commenting on allergies anyway, it’s an actual medical issue. It was more the box ticking-ness that annoyed me and I posted like a twat. I won’t be getting around it, it’s bananas for snack from now on which is absolutely fine! I guess I was briefly in a ranty mood.

Apologies to the OP for veering off topic 🫣🫣🫣

I have to RTFT but I hope he’s now been uninvited OP! ETA good for you OP, I just saw he has been uninvited 💯💯💯

stichguru · 08/08/2026 22:07

Definitely uninvite. Even the most severe phobia is nothing to worry about compared to anaphylactic shock. This horrible/stupid person might will bring nuts in as a joke!

Dersie · 08/08/2026 22:06

thisisyoursign · 08/08/2026 12:37

Apart from being really rude, he sounds quite dim to compare a nut allergy to fear of spiders etc when they’re totally different (medical) things?

I’d respond something like “what are you on about, it’s a severe nut allergy which we take seriously and expect our guests are respectful enough to do the same”

Unfortunately he clearly hasnt got two braincells to rub together so doesnt know there is a huge medical difference between a phobia and an allergy, he doesnt deserve to be invited for that alone.

Dersie · 08/08/2026 22:00

bagpuss90 · 08/08/2026 12:20

My sons DP has a severe nut allergy ., she obviously carries an epi pen. I’m hosting a get together tomorrow with friends and family invited . I’m doing most of the cooking but people are bringing drinks. A cpl of people have offered to cook and bring dishes. I’ve said no it’s fine as then I’ll be sure there are no nuts in anything . I put a msg out in the group chat to remind people to please not bring anything with nuts in just in case . I got a pm this morning from my friends DP saying my sons DP needs to get over it and she would probably have the same reaction if someone threw a spider at her or she walked past a graveyard. It’s a life threatening allergy not a bloody panic attack that she has ffs . I’d love to tell the ignorant prick he’s no longer welcome- but I don’t want to over react . But he’s ignorance and sheer stupidity have really irritated me. It would be so awkward though if I did tell him not to come . Thoughts please ..

Definitely uninvite.him, if hes that arrogant and dumb then he will for sue turn up with a bag of nuts. Its not worth the risk, and other guests will more likely agree.

SeaAndSangria · 08/08/2026 21:59

I've commented on the post earlier, but a few posts since have made me think I'd definitely want to let her know what he said, and see what she thought.
Something like "Hi, we were looking forward to you both coming, but with Dave insert name of DP here saying he thought it was all a fuss and she ought to get over herself, that we thought it was best you both didn't come anymore. We can't risk any contamination."
If she doesn't know anything about it and is any friend, she'll be absolutely mortified and tell him to STFU and leave him at home herself.

Beenwhereyouareagain · 08/08/2026 21:51

TwoBagsOfCompost · 08/08/2026 21:00

I get it. Mainly I understand how my post comes across and you’re right from your perspective. It’s hard to explain our office setup/occupancy/layout etc. Those notes have appeared out of nowhere, forbidding us six occupants who are not allergic from eating anything that contains nuts. In theory it’s a communal office but in practice it’s only us. What I’m getting to is that it was clearly a box ticking exercise - signs appearing randomly and quietly and they’re not even prominently displayed, they’re just placed on a bench. Bizarre. You’d think if they were being serious about it we’d have got an email so that they’re sure everyone is aware.

Anyway yes I realise how I sound, but again it’s not like anyone’s notified anyone about an actual allergy. Never mind rant over! 😫

Show quote history

I see your point. I pounced on "severity" and didn't pause before posting. 🙄

If it's been posted as a legally-required notice and not in response to someone's nut allergy, it must feel unfair. I don't know how you or HR might get around it, though.

Beenwhereyouareagain · 08/08/2026 21:51

TwoBagsOfCompost · 08/08/2026 21:00

I get it. Mainly I understand how my post comes across and you’re right from your perspective. It’s hard to explain our office setup/occupancy/layout etc. Those notes have appeared out of nowhere, forbidding us six occupants who are not allergic from eating anything that contains nuts. In theory it’s a communal office but in practice it’s only us. What I’m getting to is that it was clearly a box ticking exercise - signs appearing randomly and quietly and they’re not even prominently displayed, they’re just placed on a bench. Bizarre. You’d think if they were being serious about it we’d have got an email so that they’re sure everyone is aware.

Anyway yes I realise how I sound, but again it’s not like anyone’s notified anyone about an actual allergy. Never mind rant over! 😫

Show quote history

I see your point. I pounced on "severity" and didn't pause before posting. 🙄

If it's been posted as a legally-required notice and not in response to someone's nut allergy, it must feel unfair. I don't know how you or HR might get around it, though.

Walkerzoo · 08/08/2026 21:19

You did the right thing. I can't believe someone can be so insensitive and dangerous. I don't think I would take anything with nuts to a house just in case there is an allergy