AIBU to ban a guest over dismissing a severe nut allergy?

Screen shot the message and send it to her. Tell her to come alone.

Id also message him back to tell him nuts will kill her. And He needs to get over himself and get a basic education.

Fucking grade A fool

Send him this information and ask for his specific confirmation that he will not bring anything with nuts in, and that he will make sure he has not eaten nuts before coming to the house. If he doesn't give that confirmation, tell him and your friend that you can't take the risk and he's uninvited.

I would message him and say "That message was very rude, and I think given your inability to be receptive to my requests as a host it would be better for you not to come as a guest. To be clear - I have withdrawn your invitation. Have a good weekend..."

Or "I didn't expect to receive such a rude message from someone I have invited as a guest, and unfortunately you are now no longer welcome."

And message your friend and say you know it is him, not her, and you feel no awkwardness with her, and would love to see her but after such a rude message you just don't feel uncomfortable inviting him.

I wouldn't get into saying he might do or say something stupid or irresponsible - that will just start a back and forth of 'oh no he won't' etc. And leave your friend feeling that she needs to police his behaviour and language. Just disinvite him, job done (and don't engage - I would block him, how does he even have your contact details?)

Don’t ‘regret’ or ‘soften the blow’. It makes you sound like an apologist. Just tell the idiot he isn’t wanted in your home.

His opinions on allergies aside - it was incredibly rude, aggressive and obnoxious to message you like that.

I wouldn't risk him not being an arse and bringing nuts just to ‘prove’ the allergy is not real
I would speak to my friend to say you’re welcome but don't bring him sending her the message.
Why is he messaging you anyway?

Even if you have epi pens and live in close proximity to a hospital people still die, it is an awful allergy to have, life is incredibly difficult.

I don't understand why you haven't answered him and based on what he says next, then that decides if he is still invited. You've got Christmas coming up and you might find that you've alienated your DS and his GF, because of your friend's choice of boyfriend.

There is no cure for stupid 🙄

Make sure you've screenshotted/photographed the message on your phone so it can't disappear.

If you don't tell your friend that he isn't to come, it'll be useful evidence to show the Police in the event of an 'accidental' shaking of hands whilst smeared with peanut butter or the like.

My son had a boy in his school who died from anaphylaxis after eating street food.It was not a nut allergy but witnessing the distress that this tragedy caused will never leave me! I would 100% disinvite this ignorant arsehole !

But if he comes he will make it awkward for/try and embarrass your Son's partner. He will make sarcastic and dismissive comments loudly in her pressence. How will you handle that? Which feels less difficult - nipping his ignorant entitlement in the bud by withdrawing the invite or a scene at your event?

Just respond factually - her allergy is life threatening so please do not bring anything that may contain nuts. No need to address his ridiculous statements.

You can actually be allergic to anything. I know one boy who used to be anaphylatic to rice as a baby!

There are 14 "most common" allergens but this isn't a fully comprehensive list,non some countries it's 11 or 12. The UK list includes lupin for example and it's unusual to have a lupin allergy in the UK as it's very very rarely in foods here but more common in processed foods elsewhere.

She is also allergic to pea protein, now this is one that is gaining more attention, especially with the rise of "high protein" and vegan foods as it's a good way of adding protein with meat products. She dairy, soya and egg allergies too and we find pea/fava bean proteins etc in quite a few dairy free products. We broadly stick to whole foods as find it's easier to avoid her allergens as ultra processed foods more often include hidden ingredients where you would not expect them

Send him this.

I would definitely uninvite him. Anaphylaxis is no joke, EpiPens are first line of defence, but hospital treatment is needed.

if he wishes to come tell him if anything untoward happens you will have no hesitation in calling the police and having him charged with possible manslaughter. And yes it really is that serious.

You want your son’s DP to feel welcome in your home and to feel like one of the family. As someone with severe allergies I can attest that the world is full of hostile people who dismiss the danger we experience every time we leave the safety of our own carefully curated spaces. Uninviting this jerk will help your son and his partner feel like they can always come to your home without worry. That should be your goal.

I know of a takeaway that didn't take an allergy seriously, the customer died.

Your friends dp is a prick who needs educating but also uninviting. He sounds stupid enough to try and prove his point, it's just not worth the risk.

I’d reply to this copper-bottomed bell-end exactly as you’ve phrased it in your post - “FFS Barry! It’s a life threatening allergy, not a bloody panic attack!”

@Superscientist mum of another DC who is allergic to nightshades here 👋. He’s also got a few other allergies (legumes, some pollens, cat dander). It’s part of life for us but it’s infuriating when people lump it in with fussy eating!

My ex-MIL was vegan and used to take great delight in serving up surprise vegan options that people didn’t want to prove you couldn’t tell the difference. My brother with a nut allergy certainly could tell when she made him a coffee with almond milk…

Would you mind sharing the details of this with me by private message.. @Babygirlie

Yes, would he imagine that was all in the three yr old's head, it the result of a panic attack? What a moron.

Dp is allergic to nuts and my father and I are allergic to wasp stings (no idea about bee stings)

All allergies came on out of nowhere and all 3 of us have nearly died

It's not a joke-i love peanuts but we cant (and wont) have them in the house and I have to be careful for about 6 months of the year

People have died-i read about one lad who was allergic to dairy and some idiot threw a cheese slice at him and the poor woman who died after eating a pret sandwich

I would sheetshot his message,put it on the group chat and uninvite the nasty pillock

Allergies kill