AIBU to ban a guest over dismissing a severe nut allergy?

I hope you've uninvited him and had a quiet conversation with friend about why he is not welcome.

’Hi Dave, thanks for your thoughts on the subject. Best you don’t come tomorrow, bye now,'

Agree with this, it's perfect.

If you're worried being that forthright will cause upset, maybe message your mate and let her sort him out?

Something like -

'Hey, I guess Malcom told you what he messaged me earlier? Not sure if he was joking but it has me worried now that he's gonna turn up with nut products as either a joke or to prove a point. Can you please make it clear to him that DS's GF has a LIFE THREATENING ALLERGY, not a bloody fear of nuts! She could literally die if in the room with them so I'd really appreciate it if you could press the point with him and if you think for even one second he's not taking me seriously then I'm sorry but he's not welcome. I will not take risks with other people's health.'

My daughter has a severe nut allergy id be horrified if I heard someone say this about her and he would.not be welcome in my home ! You should keep this message just in case he does go and does something silly ! If my daughter had contact with peanuts she would have anaphylaxis shock and she could die (this would be manslaughter).
Please uninvite him !!

😂😂😂😂
I would, but then I'm petty.

Wouldn't be in my home again!

He was proving a point

'Hahaha,your just an overprotective mum and I know best'

I admit to giving her them the first time (I wouldn't have done if I'd known!) but the second was deliberate

He's a cunt of the highest order and to this day,I 'overreacted'

The fact he walked 4 and a half miles to that sweet shop (I'd cant remember why I was in that area) and bought the same brand of buttons (from the same jar) knowing what had happened the first time just blows my mind

He's lucky she didn't die but it's all my fault apparently

It really does make you look at food differently when you have to look everything that's in it.
I do now have the ingredients of most memorised now! We make as much as I can ourselves, I'm pretty good a baking thankfully, the only fail we have had was one Christmas my daughter asked for a caterpillar cake for pudding. I had a good go at a vegan swiss roll and it looked a bit like it had been dropped from a large height!

Ex. So glad you said ex. Evil piece of shit, who could do that to their own child?!
Although after saying this, I know as I'm someone with allergies that some people are so pig ignorant when it comes to allergies and think they're superior and know it all, they try to prove a point or something. (I've given up trying to fathom how their minds work)
Just know that you're better off not being around them when it comes to food.

Sorry,I meant to add,the hospital contacted the police (I would have done it but they said they'd do it and I was to concentrate on dd,which was fair enough-i didnt have a phone as shes 30 next year and they where not as mainstream as they are now-as far as i was concerned,someone else was dealing with it as i was going out of my mind)

They didn't want to know-just said ss would be in touch

Didn't even take a statement and it was all done and dusted with a quick chat with ss (I'd thrown him out by then)

The bastard then dragged me through court,got contact (against the advice from ss) and lost interest (he didn't want contact,he wanted to hurt me)

Uninvite him. He’s an absolute dick head

That must be a nightmare! Mine are thankfully the main ones - milk and egg so as you say they have to be bold in ingredients lists so are easier to spot.
WTF with orange lollies being coloured with paprika - surely actual orange would be better?! Unless it doesn't give off a suitably orange colour, who knows 😕 Hopefully they list every ingredient. Awful if not, everyone should know what they're eating.

Yes,they came round and because I'd finished with him on the spot,they didn't take it any further

He was standing there sniggering and the doctor & i went mental at him

He really thought it was funny (and he was standing there calling the doctor,to his face,a 'fake quack')

He dragged me through the courts for contact and they didn't give a fuck-gave him 3 hours contact (unsupervised) every other Saturday (against the advice of ss) but he was shit scared of my father and brothers who made it very clear 'give her those buttons again,we will kill you'

He didn't but I was so frightened he would but then he lost interest after a few weeks and stopped seeing her (all my fault-i stopped him apparently)

Sod the men in my family,I would have swung for him if he'd done it again

He sounds like a fucking psychopath. I can't believe that he did that on purpose to his own toddler daughter. I would have reported him to the police. He's evil.

The top14 have to be highlighted in bold or underlined in ingredients which makes it easier to scan ingredients to see if something is safe. It's a lot harder to pick out if you aren't used to checking ingredients lists. Also they don't have to list every ingredient. This is where my daughters nightshade allergy is a problem as it includes tomato and paprika which are used as "natural" colouring/ flavour in a lot of foods. If they use less than 2% in the product they don't have to specify that it's a colouring in the ingredients, they can just have "natural colouring". It basically rules out most orange/red sweets or ice lollies etc as well as many sausages. Orange calypso lollies for example are coloured orange with paprika.... If only there was a fruit that was orange coloured!! 🤣

He went out of his way to buy some more a few weeks later (I'd bought them from a sweet shop and hed gone back to the same shop) and fed them to her and when the same thing happened,he laughed and said he didn't think it would matter
It's serious-dd had a much worse reaction and we ended up in the back of an ambulance,a hospital stay and a bollocking from the doctor (rightly so)

Was no social services referral made? Given that it wasn't an accident like the 1st time? And was deliberate? Honestly, I would have called the police. It was intentional harm.

That is awful, WTAF is wrong with some people?!
Thank goodness they eventually saw what arseholes they were being, but to what expense?! Your poor sister having to suffer and having her life risked just because they were so uneducated in allergies.

Yes, I know of the 14 allergens (which I think have to be listed by law in the UK in ingredient lists) but as you say, you can be allergic to anything.
It must be even harder to be allergic to something people are less likely to react to or that isn't recognised! Rice you would never usually think of for example as that's usually thought of as a beige, "safe" food.

Ban him

I remember when my narcissistic mother invited her best friends grandson to my ds's (7th) birthday party

The lad had a dairy allergy

My mother thought it was 'all in the mother's head' and 'a fuss about nothing' and made sure the lad was given a cheese sandwich

Yep,he was carted off to hospital and almost died (party rightly ruined)

She got off with it as she convinced his granny and mum that the lad had taken a bite before she realised (bollocks-i saw her give it to him)

All because 'she knew better'

Evil cow who STILL doesn't believe allergies exist!

(I did try to tell his parents what actually happened and they refused to believe me as 'she wouldn't have done that')

I have various serious allergies, I once had someone “test” my nut related one “to see whether you’re making it up”. They discovered that no, I am not. Never underestimate the stupidity and threat other people can bring. Ban him!

Ban them!!! My sister's exH's family thought the same about her nut allergy. They put nuts in the food to "trick" her into proving she didn't have a nut allergy. She immediately knew the first bite of the food, she started to go into anaphylaxis and the ambulance trip convinced them it was real. Good riddance to that awful family!!

Agree it’s weird. Tell him you no longer feel comfortable with him attending the party, since he’s been rude and dismissive of your daughter’s life threatening allergy.

100% agree, post a screenshot of his message to shine a high beam on this prick, and explain that as a result, you’re going to withdraw his invitation because you won’t risk anything happening to son’s DP.

text your friend too @bagpuss90 and tell her she’s invited, but he won’t be coming to your home again because of the message.

He made it awkward for her and for you. Do you think he gives a shit? Treat him as he treats others. He's responsible for any bad feelings, not you when you tell him where he can insert his bag of mixed nuts

Definitely uninvite the prick and send him this link. This poor woman is suffering the consequences of ignoranuses like this prick.

https://share.google/YYajOMzlO9EMcU2xT