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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to ban a guest over dismissing a severe nut allergy?

335 replies

bagpuss90 · 08/08/2026 12:20

My sons DP has a severe nut allergy ., she obviously carries an epi pen. I’m hosting a get together tomorrow with friends and family invited . I’m doing most of the cooking but people are bringing drinks. A cpl of people have offered to cook and bring dishes. I’ve said no it’s fine as then I’ll be sure there are no nuts in anything . I put a msg out in the group chat to remind people to please not bring anything with nuts in just in case . I got a pm this morning from my friends DP saying my sons DP needs to get over it and she would probably have the same reaction if someone threw a spider at her or she walked past a graveyard. It’s a life threatening allergy not a bloody panic attack that she has ffs . I’d love to tell the ignorant prick he’s no longer welcome- but I don’t want to over react . But he’s ignorance and sheer stupidity have really irritated me. It would be so awkward though if I did tell him not to come . Thoughts please ..

OP posts:
Knittedfairies2 · 08/08/2026 13:08

You have to tell him he's uninvited; you won't be able to enjoy your party with the threat that he might introduce something containing nuts. It would be a shame if your friend takes exception to that, but someone's health takes precedence over hurt feelings.

itsgettingweird · 08/08/2026 13:06

Yep another saying to uninvite.

“Twathead, I’ve decided it’s too much of a risk for you to attend tomorrow as you’re too uninformed of the threat to life of allergies and I cannot trust you to respect it”

TheOnlyWayIsIlford · 08/08/2026 13:04

bagpuss90 · 08/08/2026 12:57

The main reason I’m hesitant is because of my friend, who is lovely . I have no idea why she’s with him. I don’t want to make it awkward for her

Well it IS awkward for her now, because he sent you a rude and ignorant message!

(Does she know?)

I would be tempted to reply 'No nuts allowed, including you' But wouldn't.

weareallcats · 08/08/2026 13:02

YANBU at all - I would tell him not to come. A friend of mine has a severe peanut allergy and feeding her is such a worry - I wouldn’t allow someone so dismissive (and stupid) at the same event as her.

Schoolchoicesucks · 08/08/2026 13:02

MatildaTheCat · 08/08/2026 12:28

Why would you be over reacting by telling him not to come. Sounds like you’ll be doing everyone a favour, not just the GF with the allergy.

’Hi Dave, thanks for your thoughts on the subject. Best you don’t come tomorrow, bye now, @bagpuss90 ‘

This is perfect response.

Davros · 08/08/2026 13:02

@MatildaTheCat has the perfect response

Katflapkit · 08/08/2026 13:02

Even if he doesn't try to put nuts in something, do you really think he will hold his tongue after sending you that rant. You will on edge all afternoon in case he decides to 'speak my mind' as those verbally incontinent rude people call it. Don't risk you son's DP feeling uncomfortable.

You don't have to fall out with him. We've all got at least one idiot in the family.
.

PeterIsAlwaysBusy · 08/08/2026 13:01

I would message your friend to say you are shocked at his message to you about a life threatening allergy. Your friend may be lovely but she needs to know this is his take on a deadly nut allergy. Terrifying in this day and age that someone could be so ignorant as to the number of people who die from anaphylaxis. It makes headline news.

ChaToilLeam · 08/08/2026 13:00

bagpuss90 · 08/08/2026 12:57

The main reason I’m hesitant is because of my friend, who is lovely . I have no idea why she’s with him. I don’t want to make it awkward for her

Then it's up to her if she comes alone or not at all. Time she saw this horrible man for what he is.

bagpuss90 · 08/08/2026 12:57

The main reason I’m hesitant is because of my friend, who is lovely . I have no idea why she’s with him. I don’t want to make it awkward for her

OP posts:
PinkNailPolish2026 · 08/08/2026 12:57

I’d uninvite him, I’d be too worried in case he brought something containing nuts. Some idiots can’t understand how life threatening a nut allergy is.

Inevergotthatfar · 08/08/2026 12:53

There is a good chance your sons DP could be harmed by this idiot turning up with nuts , I would uninvite and deal with the awkwardness. Not worth the risk.

Dollymylove · 08/08/2026 12:52

I would ban him, and not in a polite way. Oh and I would ban him from any future gatherings as well

Whyherewego · 08/08/2026 12:52

MatildaTheCat · 08/08/2026 12:28

Why would you be over reacting by telling him not to come. Sounds like you’ll be doing everyone a favour, not just the GF with the allergy.

’Hi Dave, thanks for your thoughts on the subject. Best you don’t come tomorrow, bye now, @bagpuss90 ‘

This nails it. What a horrible person

godmum56 · 08/08/2026 12:46

TFImBackIn · 08/08/2026 12:30

Me too - I would love to tell him he's not invited - and not invited ever again, either.

This absolutely

7238SM · 08/08/2026 12:43

What did his DP say? Does he have special needs?

'Dear dickhead, its best you don't come to the bbq this weekend, I'm sure we will see you soon'

TheBrunswick · 08/08/2026 12:42

Uninvite him and tell your friend why.
I wouldn’t allow him in your home again ever.
He’s an ignorant person and probably a misogynist.
How dare he message you with his unwanted and dangerous opinion about an event in your own home.

Clarinet1 · 08/08/2026 12:37

Yes, I’d uninvite him some how; He sounds like an idiot.

BeardySchnauzer · 08/08/2026 12:37

You say he is your friends dp so assume his invite is via her? Was she in the chat?

i would be worried that he would bring nuts in order to prove himself right tbh so definitely uninvite

thisisyoursign · 08/08/2026 12:37

Apart from being really rude, he sounds quite dim to compare a nut allergy to fear of spiders etc when they’re totally different (medical) things?

I’d respond something like “what are you on about, it’s a severe nut allergy which we take seriously and expect our guests are respectful enough to do the same”

AntiHop · 08/08/2026 12:36

Yanbu.

I do not understand this attitude that allergies are some kind of moral failing. It's such a weird attitude.

RollercoasterMum22 · 08/08/2026 12:35

He is a selfish prick. He is not to go

Bearssaidhearegenerallyverywelldressed · 08/08/2026 12:34

bagpuss90 · 08/08/2026 12:20

My sons DP has a severe nut allergy ., she obviously carries an epi pen. I’m hosting a get together tomorrow with friends and family invited . I’m doing most of the cooking but people are bringing drinks. A cpl of people have offered to cook and bring dishes. I’ve said no it’s fine as then I’ll be sure there are no nuts in anything . I put a msg out in the group chat to remind people to please not bring anything with nuts in just in case . I got a pm this morning from my friends DP saying my sons DP needs to get over it and she would probably have the same reaction if someone threw a spider at her or she walked past a graveyard. It’s a life threatening allergy not a bloody panic attack that she has ffs . I’d love to tell the ignorant prick he’s no longer welcome- but I don’t want to over react . But he’s ignorance and sheer stupidity have really irritated me. It would be so awkward though if I did tell him not to come . Thoughts please ..

Absolutely uninvite, you can't trust this person not to show up with nuts or not to play a practical joke! Some things are worth falling out over.

Loulou4022 · 08/08/2026 12:32

I think he needs to sit this one out! You’re being so lovely in making sure everything is nut free so your son’s DP can enjoy the event and relax and he’s being an absolute cockwomble! I would absolutely message him and say that as he doesn’t seem to understand the life threatening nature of her allergy it’s best if he doesn’t attend!

ntmdino · 08/08/2026 12:32

I'd say that he now represents a clear danger to somebody you actually do like. Ditch the moron.