AIBU to ban a guest over dismissing a severe nut allergy?

For this reason alone I would uninvite him OP. But I’d take the opportunity to tell him what I think of him for his shitty and dismissive attitude to someone else’s’ life threatening condition. Not over reacting at all.

In my childhood I had penecillin quite a few times, it was the treatment of choice for childish infections. Aged 15 I was given it for tonsillitis and swelled up all over, fortunately nor badly enough to need emergency treatment. I was told never to take penecillin again as the next time it could be life threatening. It can happen with hay fever too. My dentist told me once that he had never had so much as a sniffle until he went to the Isle of Wight to see the wild lupins. Apparently it was a thing and you walked through fields of them. He entered the walk without hayfever and was coughing and wheezing with swollen eyes by the time it got to the exit from the field. Since then he has had hayfever and said he wished he had never been!

I would uninvite him. People that ignorant about allergies are dangerous and you never know if he’s going to do something stupid like bringing peanuts just to try to prove it’s not an issue.

Fuck me. Uninvited and tell friend and group why. Show your son his partner comes first

I would message friend emphasising the allergy is severe and her DP isn’t welcome if he’s not prepared to take it seriously.

Tell her the conversation and your concern is that obviously as he doesn't believe in the seriousness of nut allergies that you can't trust him around someone with such a serious nut allergy.

Surely your friend if she's lovely will understand and see your view.

My daughter has allergies and she doesn't eat where there are people that don't take allergies seriously. Luckily my daughters allergies aren't severe but we do need to ensure that all of her food has been prepared in the absence of her allergens - clean knives and chopping boards etc. She has some unusual allergies including nightshades so when she's at parties (she's 6) I need to be able to trust that they have not chopped the cucumber after the peppers and carrots for the dips for example.

Uninvite him and let your friend know why.

I've had 3 anaphylatic reactions myself, the first one came out of the blue at a restaurant I had eaten at before eating my favourite foods. All 3 were in 6 months when I was 21. It took a long time to trust food and eating especially prepared by others. My auntie developed a nut allergy in her early 20s she runs a restaurant and her hands have swollen up before when she was given a bread basket with nut containing bread in to take to the table. It was her husband that made the mistake in not warning her, mistakes can happen so easily even by those that know and care - never mind someone that is dismissive of allergies.

Your responsibility is to your family, not your adult friend.

This person should be uninvited as they do not respect your family's health and wellbeing.

Explain to your friend why, and let her make her own choices as an adult.

Message him that you regret that you cannot have him over on this occasion because of his lack of understanding of a serious, even potentially life-threatening condition, and you have to put the other guest's safety as paramount. You can soften the blow by suggesting meeting them as a couple separately another day.
Also tell your friend why and ask her to come on her own.

You can ask him to take responsibility. Responding and tell him that his statement must stem from ignorance so can he please educate himself about nut allergy and how allergies are different to phobia or preference. And let him know that he doesn’t need to come to the party if he finds it offensive to be around someone with a nut allergy and others who take it seriously. You don’t have to and he will chose not to attend or hopefully apologise.

This, except change the last word "funny", for "dangerous".

I'd ban him from my house forever.

I wouldn't trust the uneducated cunt to not hide some peanuts under the sofa cushions etc.

Honestly, his ignorance would concern me and I couldn't have him in my home knowing your son's DP could be killed by him, if he dared to spike her.

I wouldn't be polite about it - I'd make it clear:

"As you clearly do not understand that allergies can be fatal, you are no longer welcome in my home ever again".

When your friend gets upset over it, I'd be straight with her that his message was highly concerning for the safety of your son's DP and that you cannot understand why she is with this uneducated ignoramus.

So you’re putting that idiot before your son’s DP??

It comes from the people who aren't allergic, just picky/neurotic/whatever who nevertheless use the word and don't make it clear that their situation is different from people like son's DP. People get fed up with those people and then extend that onto people with serious allergies.

I would write a message back saying that this is the kind of anaphylaxis that people die from, it's not a food preference or something that can be got over
And include a link such as: Natasha's Foundation

I would avoid arguing with him or chastising him. He's exposed himself as an ignorant, moronic cunt and there is no point in arguing with such people. They don't listen, care or understand.

What a big brave boy for sending you a PM instead of posting on the group... 🙄

Uninviting him doesn't mean you are making it awkward for your friend, he has made it awkward.

I would uninvite him telling him and her when you forward his message to her. Tell her she's still welcome but you don't want him.

I read about that. Was she on a flight?

He’s disgusting OP. I would be copying and pasting a load of literature on nut allergies so he can do some reading up! Prick!

Yep, definitely ban him.

The risk is if he comes and brings nuts with him. If your DIL has a reaction, it won't be your fault, but you'll still end up feeling like it was. He's given you no choice really.

You are absolutely not BU. I would talk to your friend and forward her the message, saying how shocked and surprised you were to receive this.
I would also explain that I was hesitant about him attending the party, for fear of him doing something funny.

He’s a dickhead.

I think in this instant your son’s DP’s health is more important. Your friend isn’t considering anyone else when bring her twat of a partner along!

This is a medication I’m just about to inject
I have never reacted to it but they do warn you that you can react at any time, everyone prescribed it in America is given an epi pen even if they’ve never reacted

Why are some people such dicks about allergies? I’m parent to a child with multiple allergies and I’m sick to the back teeth of having to explain what it actually means, that he isn’t just a delicate little flower, that he doesn’t need to try a little bit to get used to it, that yes allergies did exist in the past, that it isn’t all in my head, that I’m not an overprotective mum, that I’m not passing on my anxieties to my children, that it’s not all for attention… I could go on.

Tell your friend her partner is an arsehole and he isn’t welcome. And you sound wonderful and very thoughtful, it must mean the world to your son and his partner that you get it.

And a child at my son’s school developed a severe allergy to nuts at around age 12 - prior to that was fine. Went from being ok to literally having life threatening shocks requiring EpiPen from
things like touching a door handle someone else who had been handling nuts had touched. No one knows how /why it suddenly came on at that age . Was very very serious

I’d share his message in the group text and add
“if anyone else agrees with this, please stay away from event.”

He is a prick and needs to be treated as such.

My son ate nuts with no concerns for years and then one day was rushed to hospital and treated for anaphylactic shock. Allergies can actually start at any point in a person's life (or present so mildly they are missed until suddenly and for no apparent reason, a major reaction happens). Your office rules sound ridiculous if no one there has an allergy, but please accept and understand that a severe allergy can strike apparently from the blue. It's an incredibly traumatic experience.