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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ban a guest over dismissing a severe nut allergy?

272 replies

bagpuss90 · Yesterday 12:20

My sons DP has a severe nut allergy ., she obviously carries an epi pen. I’m hosting a get together tomorrow with friends and family invited . I’m doing most of the cooking but people are bringing drinks. A cpl of people have offered to cook and bring dishes. I’ve said no it’s fine as then I’ll be sure there are no nuts in anything . I put a msg out in the group chat to remind people to please not bring anything with nuts in just in case . I got a pm this morning from my friends DP saying my sons DP needs to get over it and she would probably have the same reaction if someone threw a spider at her or she walked past a graveyard. It’s a life threatening allergy not a bloody panic attack that she has ffs . I’d love to tell the ignorant prick he’s no longer welcome- but I don’t want to over react . But he’s ignorance and sheer stupidity have really irritated me. It would be so awkward though if I did tell him not to come . Thoughts please ..

OP posts:
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3within3 · Today 21:46

what was his response to you uninviting him, OP?

LilySLE · Today 21:09

As someone who also has a life threatening nut allergy, thank you for being so thoughtful and creating a safe space for your child’s partner.

I am utterly terrified by the response of the person who messaged you that and would probably not eat a thing at the party if they were present. Please tell your child’s partner for their own safety

morselover69 · Today 20:35

this reminds me of when my bf had the shits in the big tescos

Mymindblown · Today 19:58

Just seen your update OP that you'd already uninvited! I was just so angry I couldn't wait to read everything before posting! Hope you have a lovely time without him!

Mymindblown · Today 19:52

This is just vile. As if people can choose whether to have allergies or not! This has made me so angry.
Absolutely uninvite - this way you're standing up for the person with the allergy and drawing a clear line in the sand that this sort of attitude won't be tolerated in your home.

FarmGirl78 · Today 19:34

Well that'll teach me to reply without reading all the replies. Nice one you. Just hoping your friend reconsiders his position in her life now, and not just at your party. 🤞🏻

FarmGirl78 · Today 19:32

It takes a particularly stupid person to not understand the difference between a deadly allergy and a phobia. But it takes a complete bell end to laugh about it and suggest they get over it.

You have to tell him he's not welcome. Your friend, who he's the partner of, might be at a point of thinking she wants out of the relationship but hasn't got the confidence to end things as she's doubting herself. You making it known he's not welcome might help her see that other people think he's a knob too, and she'd be doing the right thing if she got shut.

berightorbehappy · Today 19:11

Don’t risk him being there . “ l was alarmed at your views on nut allergy and assure you that it is deadly. No hard feelings as you are entitled to your opinion but l’d prefer you didn’t come as l want to concentrate on keeping my child safe”

RedRock41 · Today 19:03

Good on you OP. He sounds an eejit. Uninvited absolutely justified. Hope you had a great day and your friend managed to come too.

Sickdissapointed · Today 18:59

I’d like to invite the moron into intensive care to see what happens when someone with allergy is exposed to nuts. It’s no laughing matter and he would be horrified at the outcome. It’s a life threatening anaphylaxis. It’s not a spider. FFS.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · Today 18:58

I keep on getting "will no-one think of the spiders?" when I see his absurd message.

IcyShark · Today 18:57

That could potentially be a life and death situation. Avoid him at all costs. Sounds a prick anyway

Sharptonguedwoman · Today 18:30

TwoBagsOfCompost · Yesterday 21:00

I get it. Mainly I understand how my post comes across and you’re right from your perspective. It’s hard to explain our office setup/occupancy/layout etc. Those notes have appeared out of nowhere, forbidding us six occupants who are not allergic from eating anything that contains nuts. In theory it’s a communal office but in practice it’s only us. What I’m getting to is that it was clearly a box ticking exercise - signs appearing randomly and quietly and they’re not even prominently displayed, they’re just placed on a bench. Bizarre. You’d think if they were being serious about it we’d have got an email so that they’re sure everyone is aware.

Anyway yes I realise how I sound, but again it’s not like anyone’s notified anyone about an actual allergy. Never mind rant over! 😫

Show quote history

The school I worked in was completely nut free. Absolutely everyone complied. You’ll be fine.

Oldmamabear · Today 18:25

He cannot come. He does not understand the seriousness. Any awkwardness is on him for creating a situation through sheer ignorance.

Timble · Today 18:20

Some people have absolutely no clue! I’d be furious with how rude he was! No one desperately needs to eat nuts ffs! My friend has a nut allergy and she’s usually ok on flights but a recent long haul she asked if they might not serve nuts as she hasn’t flown that long and can’t guarantee she wouldn’t have a reaction. The airline said they wouldn’t serve them but then they did! When she questioned it they said ‘oh but we’re not giving nuts to the people beside you’ it’s like they had no clue about airborne allergies!!

Zerosleep · Today 18:10

Uninvite him now. This is exactly the kind of person who will bring them on purpose and then profess they had no idea when it all goes badly wrong.

MrExperinced · Today 17:48
  • Total food-related deaths: Around 10 people die each year in the UK from severe food allergic reactions.
  • Nut contribution: Peanuts and tree nuts are responsible for nearly half of these fatal cases.
  • Prevalence: Millions in the UK live with diagnosed food allergies, though fatal outcomes remain rare due to improved emergency response and wider availability of adrenaline auto-injectors. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5]
Send her this and ask why is being being so unsympathetic and inconsiderate. This not a fad issue it is real.

Allergen Incident Statistics UK: 2026 Facts, Data & Key Insights

2 million people in the UK have a food allergy and around 10 die from food anaphylaxis every year. The latest allergen incident statistics — hospital admissions, Natasha's Law, Owen's Law, and what food businesses must do. Updated for 2026.

https://www.foodhygienecertificate.co.uk/blog/allergen-incident-statistics-uk

MeridianB · Today 09:23

Well done, OP. Hope she ditches him very soon.

runnersfeet · Today 08:47

Well played OP. I hope he's mortified. Have a lovely gathering 💕

Onefairfish · Today 08:11

He failed Logic 101 didn’t he? A fear of spiders/graveyards is a phobia. An allergy is not a phobia. Tell him to stay at home and consult the dictionary.

Itchysidefoot · Today 06:00

bagpuss90 · Yesterday 20:35

Thanks everyone 😊Update - I have uninvited him- but made it clear that my friend is still very welcome. She is mortified by what he says but sadly I don’t think she is altogether surprised

I would be questioning who the heck I was friends with and whether she really was all that “lovely” if she was in a relationship with someone that she knew all to well spouted poison like he did and… essentially just shrugged.

Shitshowpolitics · Today 00:10

SeaAndSangria · Yesterday 23:56

Or maybe he's just a dickhead.

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He does it to embarrass his wife. He played up because he didn't want to go. Although the op has uninvited him and told his wife she can come. I doubt she'll turn up. Some people like to have control.

SeaAndSangria · Yesterday 23:56

Shitshowpolitics · Yesterday 23:55

He does it on purpose to embarrass her.

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Or maybe he's just a dickhead.

Shitshowpolitics · Yesterday 23:55

bagpuss90 · Yesterday 12:57

The main reason I’m hesitant is because of my friend, who is lovely . I have no idea why she’s with him. I don’t want to make it awkward for her

He does it on purpose to embarrass her.

ZZTopGuitarSolo · Yesterday 23:39

TwoBagsOfCompost · Yesterday 13:31

I’m someone who’s “sceptical” about the severity of nut allergies (don’t attack me yet, I’ll explain) but I’d 100% uninvite him as he sounds like a twat who would either bring nuts to be funny or who would absolutely bring it up in a combative way and make it awkward for everyone.

Nut allergies are real, I’m not an allergy denier. I just am a bit sceptical about adults who until yesterday ate everything without a moments thought, and today they have a severe nut allergy to the point where they can’t be in the same house as a protein bar. We recently had signs installed in our open plan office that ban anything with nuts in it “in case of severe allergies”. It’s mostly me and my team in this office and none of us has an allergy. We sit at our own desks that we wipe down before and after. And we’re adults. It’s not like we’ll be smearing peanut butter everywhere. So now basically 99% of snacks are forbidden as they all have traces of nuts, even though this is done purely from the perspective of “just in case”. In a mostly empty huge open plan office. It’s just stupid.

Edited
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It sounds like they’ve banned foods with nuts in them, not foods that may contain traces of nuts?

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