AIBU to ban a guest over dismissing a severe nut allergy?

I think you have to uninvite him. Your friends potential discomfort is trumped by the risk of death or serious injury to your sons DP.

I got a pm this morning from my friends DP saying my sons DP needs to get over it and she would probably have the same reaction if someone threw a spider at her or she walked past a graveyard

don’t suppose you’d screenshot and post this message? @bagpuss90

He sounds like a massive idiot, no way would he be coming to my house.

Put his PM in the group chat and watch everyone else rip them one

I think if you turn this round op it may give you another take.
Say he does take something containing nuts, your son’s DP accidently eats this and dies. Would you then wish you had actually uninvited him so this was prevented?
If so uninvited him now regardless of your friends feelings

I would say 'exposure to nuts will provoke anaphylactic shock, but I appreciate your position. In that case it's better that you don't come on this occasion'

But he probably would still come since he's a twat

This .

your friend may be unhappy about her BF being uninvited.

You’ll all be devastated is someone dies because he came.

Sorry but that’s not worth your son’s dps life is it?
’you’re allowed your opinion, but not in my house when it risks the life of my family, you’re not welcome on Sunday. It might be helpful for you to know for the future that it would be a criminal offence to bring nuts near someone you’ve been told is anaphylactic.

He’s her problem, don’t make him yours. Uninvite him and explain why. Embarrassment is on his part not yours. If friend doesn’t understand she is no friend.

I guess people think this because so many people have self diagnosed intolerances like dairy or gluten etc so he’s probably putting it in that category. Totally ignorant and Down right dangerous. I would be uninviting him

My son ate nuts with no concerns for years and then one day was rushed to hospital and treated for anaphylactic shock. Allergies can actually start at any point in a person's life (or present so mildly they are missed until suddenly and for no apparent reason, a major reaction happens). Your office rules sound ridiculous if no one there has an allergy, but please accept and understand that a severe allergy can strike apparently from the blue. It's an incredibly traumatic experience.

I’d share his message in the group text and add
“if anyone else agrees with this, please stay away from event.”

He is a prick and needs to be treated as such.

And a child at my son’s school developed a severe allergy to nuts at around age 12 - prior to that was fine. Went from being ok to literally having life threatening shocks requiring EpiPen from
things like touching a door handle someone else who had been handling nuts had touched. No one knows how /why it suddenly came on at that age . Was very very serious

Why are some people such dicks about allergies? I’m parent to a child with multiple allergies and I’m sick to the back teeth of having to explain what it actually means, that he isn’t just a delicate little flower, that he doesn’t need to try a little bit to get used to it, that yes allergies did exist in the past, that it isn’t all in my head, that I’m not an overprotective mum, that I’m not passing on my anxieties to my children, that it’s not all for attention… I could go on.

Tell your friend her partner is an arsehole and he isn’t welcome. And you sound wonderful and very thoughtful, it must mean the world to your son and his partner that you get it.

This is a medication I’m just about to inject
I have never reacted to it but they do warn you that you can react at any time, everyone prescribed it in America is given an epi pen even if they’ve never reacted

I think in this instant your son’s DP’s health is more important. Your friend isn’t considering anyone else when bring her twat of a partner along!

You are absolutely not BU. I would talk to your friend and forward her the message, saying how shocked and surprised you were to receive this.
I would also explain that I was hesitant about him attending the party, for fear of him doing something funny.

He’s a dickhead.

Yep, definitely ban him.

The risk is if he comes and brings nuts with him. If your DIL has a reaction, it won't be your fault, but you'll still end up feeling like it was. He's given you no choice really.

I read about that. Was she on a flight?

He’s disgusting OP. I would be copying and pasting a load of literature on nut allergies so he can do some reading up! Prick!

What a big brave boy for sending you a PM instead of posting on the group... 🙄

Uninviting him doesn't mean you are making it awkward for your friend, he has made it awkward.

I would uninvite him telling him and her when you forward his message to her. Tell her she's still welcome but you don't want him.

I would write a message back saying that this is the kind of anaphylaxis that people die from, it's not a food preference or something that can be got over
And include a link such as: Natasha's Foundation

I would avoid arguing with him or chastising him. He's exposed himself as an ignorant, moronic cunt and there is no point in arguing with such people. They don't listen, care or understand.

It comes from the people who aren't allergic, just picky/neurotic/whatever who nevertheless use the word and don't make it clear that their situation is different from people like son's DP. People get fed up with those people and then extend that onto people with serious allergies.

So you’re putting that idiot before your son’s DP??

I'd ban him from my house forever.

I wouldn't trust the uneducated cunt to not hide some peanuts under the sofa cushions etc.

Honestly, his ignorance would concern me and I couldn't have him in my home knowing your son's DP could be killed by him, if he dared to spike her.

I wouldn't be polite about it - I'd make it clear:

"As you clearly do not understand that allergies can be fatal, you are no longer welcome in my home ever again".

When your friend gets upset over it, I'd be straight with her that his message was highly concerning for the safety of your son's DP and that you cannot understand why she is with this uneducated ignoramus.

This, except change the last word "funny", for "dangerous".