AIBU to refuse leaving our toddler upstairs with just a monitor?

@ProudClare my second DS would be fine with that. Loved sleeping in the pram.

My first DS would not have slept like that. He would tantrum and scream and be totally overwhelmed. And then crash and wake up crying after 30 minutes.

So if OP's DD is like mine, she would absolutely ruin the wedding evening with that plan.

Toddlers are fickle creatures with very stubborn minds.

I think how people are responding will depend on how they’ve imagined the venue to be.

some people will have imagined a massive venue with 300 guests, and a bedroom several flights of steps and corridors away and are saying ‘definitely not’ accordingly.

others will have a smaller venue, 80 guests, and a bedroom no further away than in your house, and are thinking of course it’s fine, it’s the same as every night.

which is it?

YANBU. Mine are older, 5 and 7, but at a wedding we are staying overnight at soon I will let them stay up later on the dance floor, then for the final couple of hours DH and I will alternate staying in the room.

I am not comfortable with them potentially waking up locked in a strange room they’ve never been in. Both can have bad dreams and wake up upset because of that.

The story of Madeleine McCann has always stuck with me too- it’s not worth the risk.

But there’s an option to hire a babysitter?!? They are paying for their venue, this would be a consideration for the budget.

My DS was about 18 months at our wedding. He just stayed up until he flaked and then went in the buggy until in-laws went to bed at about 11pm.

My baby was just under a year old at our wedding and we had exclusive hire too. I wasn’t prepared to leave her in a room with a monitor. We got her changed into her PJ’s and she was on the dance floor with us until she wanted to go to sleep, at which point we put her in a buggy. Around 11pm she got really restless so we went to bed with her.

In an ordinary residential house it's totally fine and normal for a toddler to be upstairs alone with a monitor.

It is absolutely not ok in a hotel. There need to be zero locked doors and no more than one closed door between the child and the responsible adult.

In the event of a fire the responsible adult needs to be able to grab the toddler from their bed in less than 30 seconds. That could not happen in a hotel.

You can't expect a friend or family member to miss out on hours of your wedding celebrations. Either pay for a babysitter or professional nanny (use an agency if necessary, insist on professional childcare qualifications if you are worried about it being 'some random') or re-plan the event to have all celebrations over by 6pm so that you can put the toddler to bed (I'm in favour of option 1 personally)

Don’t do a rota. I have twice been roped into a rota and abandoned all night with other people’s babies in a hotel room in my posh frock with no food/drink. My kids were at home with DH. People having a good time find it easy to ignore their phones, “forget” the time or the room number. Your kid, your problem. Either have them with you or pay a proper person.

Not wanting to use a monitor in this situation = absolutely fine

expecting a member of you family to miss the party = utterly outrageous expectation

conclusion = take MIL up on her kind offer and employ a babysitter to listen out after she’s asleep OR keep toddler up enjoying the party with everyone

Hire a sitter! Someone to 100% focus on daughters needs during the day: so she’ll be fed and had a nap at the right times so as to get the best out of her and then the sitter can put her to bed (or one of you can) and the sitter can stay with her and you know she’s safe and won’t be a overtired mess the next day!

Just stick the toddler in a push chair with some blankets when he’s had enough and keep him downstairs with you. I’m sure someone will push him around the garden if he needs help falling asleep. I did this with my eldest as she was 18 months at the time. I hardly saw her all day as there were so many keen babysitters.

Yep. OP chose to have a child and not look into childcare options for the wedding, just expecting her family to give up their night to babysit.

My sister had a friend who couldn’t make it to the wedding as her husband was a consultant on call, so she needed to be at home in case he had to leave. She drove with her kids to the wedding to pick up my sister’s baby and took her to stay over for the weekend.

My sister paid her £150 for this! Expecting someone to give up their weekend, that they’ve paid for, for free, is serious cheeky fuckery

I could never leave my child so far away from me in case of fire. And I would judge anyone who did!!

Even if it was your own dd's wedding day and your dd had to leave the wedding at 9pm?

YANBU, I think you do need to sort this out though as like others have said it's not really fair to expect family to pay to stay over at a hotel but then have to be on babysitting duty (so maybe not drinking).
The rota suggestion sounds good but again it's pretty rubbish if someone gets the late shift and therefore if they drink, aren't able to as they need to stay alert.
As others say you need to find a babysitter. If your child goes to nursery perhaps you could ask if any of the staff there offer this service.

My son was the same age at my brothers wedding. He fell asleep and was popped into his pram on recline with the hood up, and pushed into the corner. Slept fine. Lots of interested relations all coming over for a peek. Eyes on him all the time.

<no one puts Baby in the corner>
We did.

If I’m expected to spend £££ on a weekend away at a wedding (no doubt the rooms are double the normal price because it’s a wedding!), I’m staying to enjoy the party.

I can't believe no one in your family has offered to have your baby for the whole night to be honest it is your wedding night. I would do that for a relative and leave at what ever time the baby / child gets too tired. What bloody good is it them all downstairs enjoying your wedding if you have to leave. They sound a bit selfish to me. St least your mil has offered. Just thank her and say that you just don't feel comfortable with the baby monitor situation. Are any other parents with young children coming to the wedding?

This is the way with family weddings and young children!

Babysitter / nanny - maybe an overnight Nanny and in a different room so that you both can drink (if you wish) and have a wedding night!

My son was 3 weeks off his first birthday when we got married. He fell asleep in his buggy during the reception and then partied in the evening with aunties and uncles then fell asleep in his buggy again. He had a great time in his pyjamas on the dance floor.

There’ll be loads of people who will keep them occupied surely? Have the buggy handy or set up a quiet corner in another room. We had a side room that the younger kids all went and played in as we had a few young ones there. Everyone steps in and supports don’t they? I always would!

Surely the answer is you put her to bed and a babysitter stays there for the night?

I'm a bit baffled by someone booking an entire hotel wedding but can't fork out £200 for a babysitter for the night.

If you really are this short of money, you have made somhover stupid financial decisions there.

Np way but you do have time to arrange a sitter.

13 months isn’t particularly a toddler. And that’s a very shit way to parent no matter what.

They’re a toddler, not a baby. If they cry, they cry. It’s not going to kill them!