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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to refuse leaving our toddler upstairs with just a monitor?

84 replies

LittleMermaid123 · Today 11:01

AIBU here?
DP and I get married at the end of the year, our DD will be 15 months old. We haven’t really got childcare for the wedding evening and all family will be at the party wanting to enjoy themselves. Not a problem, I had a baby so I will leave if needed as she comes first. We all know what it’s like with overtired kids. Went to visit in laws and MIL asks who’s watching DD at the wedding if she needs to go to bed and I explain if someone is happy to take her up to the room when needed great but we don’t have anyone yet. She offers to watch DD for the evening. About to thank her when she says “you have a monitor don’t you?” …
I’m confused and say yes?
Her plan was to put DD to bed and come back to the wedding with the monitor on. I was horrified and said absolutely not! I thought my reaction was normal until chatting to a friend who seemed to think it was fine… am I going nuts?!

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · Today 11:02

No it’s not ok unless this is a party in your house

Nousernameideaaga · Today 11:03

Just keep her up and have the whole family village look after her , European style

SpottyPyjama · Today 11:05

To be fair to your MIL, some hotels offer ‘baby listening’ services where staff listen out for your child on a monitor. It’s not something I’d be comfortable with, but it’s not completely outrageous either.

Original poster
LittleMermaid123 · Today 11:05

ToKittyornottoKitty · Today 11:02

No it’s not ok unless this is a party in your house

Sorry should have said, it’s a hotel style venue but we do have exclusive hire

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · Today 11:06

If you are in the UK, get a babysitter. There are agencies that specialise in Wedding childcare / babysitters.

ToKittyornottoKitty · Today 11:06

LittleMermaid123 · Today 11:05

Sorry should have said, it’s a hotel style venue but we do have exclusive hire

Show quote history

100% not ok

ToKittyornottoKitty · Today 11:07

The baby can just stay up or sleep in the buggy

Sleepytimepleaseee · Today 11:07

When I got married my kids were 3 and 1. We specifically booked a venue with rooms so that we didn't have to leave early and then did a rota of family to sit outside the room in the corridor with a monitor (to avoid risking waking them) in thirty minutes slots. We put them to bed and then swapped with the first person on the rota.

jay55 · Today 11:09

It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. You’d not be able to relax and enjoy yourself.

toeaseatroubledmind · Today 11:10

100% okay. You’ll be the only ones there

Anewuser · Today 11:10

Sleepytimepleaseee · Today 11:07

When I got married my kids were 3 and 1. We specifically booked a venue with rooms so that we didn't have to leave early and then did a rota of family to sit outside the room in the corridor with a monitor (to avoid risking waking them) in thirty minutes slots. We put them to bed and then swapped with the first person on the rota.

Edited

I love this idea.

failing that, book a babysitter. Will be money well spent.

ToKittyornottoKitty · Today 11:12

toeaseatroubledmind · Today 11:10

100% okay. You’ll be the only ones there

And as a result, if there’s a fire, or a break in, or MIL accidentally leaves the monitor in the toilets, baby will magically be fine?

Naurrr · Today 11:13

Would a child be happy to sleep alone in a strange location after a hyped, long day? The monitor would just be a speaker playing the sound of a crying child.

NeverDropYourMooncup · Today 11:14

Buggy downstairs and she'll either sleep or won't, but will have any number of relatives happy to watch, hold or otherwise take care of her.

toeaseatroubledmind · Today 11:17

ToKittyornottoKitty · Today 11:12

And as a result, if there’s a fire, or a break in, or MIL accidentally leaves the monitor in the toilets, baby will magically be fine?

Show quote history

Incredibly unlikely.

Gardenisablooming · Today 11:18

We got married when ds was 1...he flaked out in someone's arms and got put in the pram. No big deal ime.

ToKittyornottoKitty · Today 11:23

toeaseatroubledmind · Today 11:17

Incredibly unlikely.

Show quote history

But absolutely possible. Particularly baby crying and MIL missing it. Fires happen, bad things happen, the ‘it won’t be me’ attitude is a stupid one to have when there are several other alternatives for this 1 day event.

DoubleShotEspresso · Today 11:25

Absolutely not ok

ZenNudist · Today 11:25

It depends on the set up. I have no issue with being downstairs whilst my baby is upstairs especially in a smaller venue.

My friend got married in a converted barn. We stayed in the farmhouse as we were in the wedding party and it wasn't far from the room to the barn. Best man did same. Baby is 16 now.

Also previously stayed in room above a pub (it was called an Inn but really the pub just had a few rooms). We put the kids watching the ipad and went down to dinner. We watched the kids on a WhatsApp video call, periodically going up to stop them from fighting, they were quite young.

You always get "what if there were a fire" on mumsnet but i think theres a difference to being very far away from your child on a monitor. I know people sit in their garden with baby in house (like my barn example) and certainly sit in living room with baby in bed (like my inn example) so I don't see the issue. My rule was if it'd like a domestic set up it's OK.

Oliwiaa · Today 11:27

Everyone is going to want to party so you need to hire a nanny for the wedding.

toeaseatroubledmind · Today 11:30

ToKittyornottoKitty · Today 11:23

But absolutely possible. Particularly baby crying and MIL missing it. Fires happen, bad things happen, the ‘it won’t be me’ attitude is a stupid one to have when there are several other alternatives for this 1 day event.

Show quote history

They’re a toddler, not a baby. If they cry, they cry. It’s not going to kill them!

ToKittyornottoKitty · Today 11:31

toeaseatroubledmind · Today 11:30

They’re a toddler, not a baby. If they cry, they cry. It’s not going to kill them!

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13 months isn’t particularly a toddler. And that’s a very shit way to parent no matter what.

Wingingit73 · Today 11:33

Np way but you do have time to arrange a sitter.

WineAndBridgerton3322 · Today 11:33

Surely the answer is you put her to bed and a babysitter stays there for the night?

I'm a bit baffled by someone booking an entire hotel wedding but can't fork out £200 for a babysitter for the night.

If you really are this short of money, you have made somhover stupid financial decisions there.

fluffyteach · Today 11:33

My son was 3 weeks off his first birthday when we got married. He fell asleep in his buggy during the reception and then partied in the evening with aunties and uncles then fell asleep in his buggy again. He had a great time in his pyjamas on the dance floor.

There’ll be loads of people who will keep them occupied surely? Have the buggy handy or set up a quiet corner in another room. We had a side room that the younger kids all went and played in as we had a few young ones there. Everyone steps in and supports don’t they? I always would!