AIBU to refuse leaving our toddler upstairs with just a monitor?

The last wedding I went to the babies were obligingly cute then went to sleep in their prams. Quite a few had noise cancelling headphones.

If it were me, I would put the baby to sleep myself and stay until the child is asleep. Then I would ask my DH to do a shift, then my Mum, then MIL.

I would get a handful of my nearest and dearest to do say 35 minute shifts. I wouldn’t dream of leaving her alone in a room with a monitor. And there is no fucking way I’d hire a babysitter off the internet.

That’s brilliant

What kind of temperament does your DD have?

No way. We just let our kids stay up at the party when this age and they'd flake out in the buggy/on our knee.

If they needed to go to bed in the room, one of us would be staying with them. I'd never feel happy with just a baby monitor in a hotel or b and b... only place I'd do that is someone's house and if we were just sitting chatting, not having loud music

@toeaseatroubledmind "100% okay. You’ll be the only ones there"

No they won't. There will be all the staff which will probably include casual staff hired in for the evening. And with a whole load of guests milling around and all the hustle and bustle of the event, what's to stop a stranger walking into the hotel? It's really quite easy to do.

You really are.

You are not being precious.

You’re not going nuts. It’s a terrible suggestion. It’s ok until it’s not ok. Everyone is different and every family is different, but I could imagine keeping toddler in the event with the mob and mil doing stints. Highly likely another relative would join in. And in the possible case that toddler was going nuts and needed space, then I guess you’d have to settle her in a bedroom anyway and then one of the mums could come and take over for a bit. A nanny would be fine too, but in practice, I think my family would juggle.

There is wedding nannies now i follow a couple of girls on instagram but it is a booming bussiness could you have a look at something like that? .I wouldn't leave a young child alone in a strange place either.

I think you need childcare for your own wedding. It would be rather a shame to have to go to bed at 7pm because the baby needed to go to bed.

I would hire a professional nanny to go and sit with / outside for you baby, so you don’t need to worry about it.

I am not averse to putting them to bed in a hotel and having a baby monitor, particularly if it’s exclusive hire, but if you don’t want to do that, well, don’t.

You’re already probably spending a small fortune on the wedding - and extra £100 hiring a professional nanny will make it much nicer. Tbh I’d even book the nanny for 24h so she can be cared for during the afternoon / dinner and in the morning.

’There are lots of family around’ - I find family often talk a good game but when it comes to it aren’t that helpful - especially if they’ve had a drink…!

It obviously is a problem because you’re on here posting about how unreasonable your MIL is!

I really wouldn't do this. Monitors are just not reliable enough and in a noisy disco environment it's not going to be heard anyway. You need to nominate someone else to be responsible for your toddler for the whole day anyway. That's not to say you have nothing to do with them but you will be so distracted and everyone will want a piece of you. You or dp won't be able to meet their needs and enjoy the day. Whoever is looking after them can either put them in a pushchair to sleep if possible or leave early with them. It can't be someone and no-one it really needs to be a dedicated person who has toddler as their job for the day.

If it does come to this, at least you can just do half with her father.

She wasn’t in a venue with exclusive hire. She was in an ordinary hotel where anyone could wander in. This one could well have a lock on the front door and just be a massive house. The op hasn’t explained yet.

Maddy McCann.

What is wrong with your MiL?

We went to a lovely country house wedding, very small venue. Children all running around and playing on the lovely lawns and orchard. As the evening wore on, they all flaked out one by one on the comfy sofas and chairs! Adults were dancing in an adjoining room and it was easy to keep an eye on all the children. I would just let your little one conk out in their buggy and park them at your table - most little ones can sleep through anything!

Have a look for a nanny/babysitter, there are services for this exact situation. I wouldn't leave a toddler alone in a hotel room either.

@ProudClare my second DS would be fine with that. Loved sleeping in the pram.

My first DS would not have slept like that. He would tantrum and scream and be totally overwhelmed. And then crash and wake up crying after 30 minutes.

So if OP's DD is like mine, she would absolutely ruin the wedding evening with that plan.

Toddlers are fickle creatures with very stubborn minds.

I think how people are responding will depend on how they’ve imagined the venue to be.

some people will have imagined a massive venue with 300 guests, and a bedroom several flights of steps and corridors away and are saying ‘definitely not’ accordingly.

others will have a smaller venue, 80 guests, and a bedroom no further away than in your house, and are thinking of course it’s fine, it’s the same as every night.

which is it?

YANBU. Mine are older, 5 and 7, but at a wedding we are staying overnight at soon I will let them stay up later on the dance floor, then for the final couple of hours DH and I will alternate staying in the room.

I am not comfortable with them potentially waking up locked in a strange room they’ve never been in. Both can have bad dreams and wake up upset because of that.

The story of Madeleine McCann has always stuck with me too- it’s not worth the risk.