AIBU to hesitate about daughter, boyfriend and baby moving in?

They are both adults, and DD1 seems to have been living with her mum for many more years as an adult so I don’t see anything to suggest DD2 acts as though the world revolves round her. Having a newborn and man you dislike introduced into an existing living arrangement is a big ask and I can see why she doesn’t want it!

Absolutely not.
This is your DD2's home.
It would be so wrong of you to force her out of her home, for a pregnant daughter who is with a lazy loser.
Don't do it.

Absolutely not ! It’s up to your DD1 and her BF to house themselves as they have decided to be a family. It’s got disaster written all over it ( and that’s without your DD2 reaction to it) you say yourself you aren’t keen on the bf and before you realise it you will be nanny / nurse maid and general housekeeper / dogsbody for everyone. Be delighted for your DD becoming a mum but say it won’t work for them all to be in your home. Sadly people who haven’t already stepped up as you say about the bf won’t change with a baby and in fact even more likely to step further back after the initial novelty wears off.

if they cant afford their own place then let them move in with his parents. You also need to consider dd2 and her feelings - how will you feel if she leaves because the bf and baby move in and what that will do to your relationship going forward ?

well firstly I was talking generally and she doesnt have the baby yet. Secondly people do have limited access to laundry and freezer facilities but it doesnt mean you dont manage. What do you think families living in temporary accommodation access? Shared housing like this

Not with a baby.

Some HMOs (as in self-contained rooms with a shared kitchen; though most houseshares are technically HMOs now) might allow families to take a room but access to laundry facilities, fridge space for milk etc would be really limited.

I'm guessing because you call it a "card" you're somewhat ignorant of both conditions, so allow me to explain: having your home life massively disrupted by an adult you don't like plus a newborn baby (with the chaos and noise that they often bring) would have a massively detrimental effect on DD2.

If you don't believe either condition is worth consideration - again, I'm surmising given your phrasing - then imagine what it would be like if your neighbour cheerfully told you that they'd be drilling holes into your shared wall for 12 hours per day, every day, sometimes using them to look through every now and again, and sorry but that's just something you have to live with now. Just to give you an idea.

But yes, fair enough that the 22-year old is still at home. But in that case it’s not fair on her to move the boyfriend in + a baby.

Oh I missed that bit yes.

Why do people always bring up the adhd/autism card. What has that got to do with anything here? DD2 cant move in. Its a cop out on her and her boyfriends part. Id help out if no Dad around but this isnt the situation here unless youve got a massive house with self contained annex that you charge the going rate for.

You have no idea where OP lives and you get something you can afford, the couple could rent a large room in a shared house, they both need to work to share the cost of the rent.

I don’t live in the UK. Your username tells me you likely aren’t British either.
I do read plenty of newspapers though, but thank you for the suggestion. We don’t have this problem, which I am thankful for because it must be awful living at home unless you have a huge house with several bathrooms and more than one kitchen.

And by the sounds of it other posters think it’s not impossible if you have the drive to. The lazy boyfriend obviously hasn’t found his yet and prefers to move from his own parents house into his girlfriend’s mums house.

Consider yes. But ultimately, it is her (and DH's) choice.

If they want to allow DD & family to live there, it's up to her. Other DD also has the choice to stay or go. And frankly, she's lucky granny is prepared to have her.

I would let them on a time limited basis to get themselves together. I also wonder if living with her grandmother would be a good arrangement for dd2 anyway, give some independence and responsibility

No mention of how OP’s DH feels about any of this.

This thread is now a waste of time though, OP has only been back to say she wants to go ahead with this plan to have them all under her roof and hasn’t answered any questions about work/future plans beyond the newborn stage.

You’re not hesitant about it at all OP so why ask?

You think the boyfriend being given free accommodation, childcare, and no responsibility are the circumstances in which a lazy man becomes less lazy? You are doing your DD1 a disservice to facilitate this man's shit. Your younger DD has the wisest take of all of you.

There is rental accommodation to be had - even in London both my DCs have found house shares, and one now found a flat with partner. Most young people also have jobs.

Sadly, I imagine that when the baby is a toddler he'll be long gone.

Chaotic.

No.

I have kids around the age of OPs youngest and they don't live at home, they live in flat shares with friends. I can only think of one of their friends who is still living at home, but that's because she's at uni around the corner from her parent's place. It's really not that impossible to move out if you are OK to live with other people and fine to move to where the jobs are. A lot of people don't have the option to live near where they grew up and still find a job and a flat. You have to have some drive and determination.

It would be completely unfair and unreasonable on your DD2 if you let this go ahead. If DD1 and her boyfriend want to be parents, then they BOTH need to step up and sort out somewhere for them to live as a family. If you go ahead and allow this to happen, that simply will not happen. 26 is old enough to stand on her own 2 feet and not burden you or her sister with all of this.

Well he’s not going to step up if you’re offering free lodging is he. How about he gets a job? And her as well?

Your daughter is 26, not a child. She and her partner should be planning their own home with their child. I'm afraid it sounds like you have facilitated your children not growing up and taking responsibility for their own behaviour.

It's not kind to patronise mid 20s adults as if they're still daft teenagers.

I would say it’s your choice not your DD2’s but at 26 your DD1 should not be relying on you to house her child. She’s a grown up who has to start acting like one

Your username is apt.