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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to hesitate about daughter, boyfriend and baby moving in?

206 replies

DannyOD · Today 10:23

Okay - so this will be long so strap in.

My two DD’s (26 and 22) live with me and DH. They have never particularly got on and Dd2 dislikes Dd1’s boyfriend intensely. For reference Dd2 has AuDHD and finds him too loud and in your face. He also cheated on Dd1 6 years ago which she has forgiven but Dd2 hasn’t.

Dd1 has just announced that she is pregnant. She wants to move her BF in and live with us when the baby is born. DD2 is adamant that this cannot happen as she says there is not enough room (we can do it with a bit of shuffling about - there is more room at his parents house) and that she couldn’t bear to live with him and a baby and if we go ahead she will move out and live with my elderly Mum. She is spiralling a bit anyway as she has finished her Uni course this year and finds change really challenging.

I just don’t know what to do. I would love to have the baby here and help Dd1 but this is Dd2’s home too and I need to take her feelings into account too.

OP posts:
Sleepytimepleaseee · Today 10:24

Why aren't they all moving out?

PollyBell · Today 10:25

Of course they can't it is a disaster waiting to happen, how on earth is it fair?

Timeforachange26 · Today 10:26

No no no. Don't do it. Let them sort their own place to luve

Youhadrambledonfor18pages · Today 10:26

Your 26 year old daughter and her boyfriend (presumably a similar age) should really be trying to move out and live independently if they’ve taken the decision to have a baby.

W0tnow · Today 10:26

As much as I love a newborn, I think I’d be saying to my daughter that if she’s old enough to have a baby, she’s old enough to find accommodation to raise it. And my daughters get along fine! Of course I’d help out, but I don’t want any son in law, or daughter in law living with me.

Youhadrambledonfor18pages · Today 10:27

W0tnow · Today 10:26

As much as I love a newborn, I think I’d be saying to my daughter that if she’s old enough to have a baby, she’s old enough to find accommodation to raise it. And my daughters get along fine! Of course I’d help out, but I don’t want any son in law, or daughter in law living with me.

Edited

Quoted wrong post

ChaToilLeam · Today 10:28

They should be finding their own place.

MurielTheTerrible · Today 10:29

If she can't afford to live independently/with her boyfriend, she can't afford a baby. And I certainly would not have him move in with you.

Morethanadecade · Today 10:30

No, they should not move in. They need their own place and shouldn’t be living with either set of parents, unless absolutely desperate.

Gardenisablooming · Today 10:31

My dd was 17 and her bf 16 when she got pregnant..they lived with us until dgc was 9 months. It wasn't easy but all current inhabitants were on board.
At 26 it would be a no from me.

Dollymylove · Today 10:31

I would say no. These are things that couples should have in place before starting a family. Why cant she move in with her BF?

TheignT · Today 10:31

Maybe it's so they can save a deposit to buy their own place. Id do it if that was the case and they could tell me how long it would take to save. I wouldn't be allowing the other DD to dictate who I can have living in my house.

SkinnyOatFlatWhiteForMePleaseBarista · Today 10:31

26 is certainly old enough to be living independently, especially if having a family of their own.

Sparkletastic · Today 10:31

Goodness no they need to get their own place

thepariscrimefiles · Today 10:31

Why don't DD1 and her boyfriend find somewhere to live on their own with their baby? Is money as issue?

Do you like DD1's boyfriend. From what you have said, he sounds like a bit of a knob.

harriethoyle · Today 10:32

At 26 you need to cut the apron strings…

Original poster
DannyOD · Today 10:32

MurielTheTerrible · Today 10:29

If she can't afford to live independently/with her boyfriend, she can't afford a baby. And I certainly would not have him move in with you.

Well it’s bit late now as she is pregnant. No point in saying this to her now. Neither of my DD’s are in a position to move out so I am just trying my best to help them b

OP posts:
alittlepieceofme · Today 10:32

MurielTheTerrible · Today 10:29

If she can't afford to live independently/with her boyfriend, she can't afford a baby. And I certainly would not have him move in with you.

This!

topcat2014 · Today 10:33

26 is not 16. If they all stay with you, the relationship will not survive. They need to grow up - but of course you would be there in the event of disasters.

They have months to plan

Lennonjingles · Today 10:33

I would leave it as it stands now, are they saving either for a deposit for a house or somewhere to rent. My two Sons don’t get along, to put it mildly, younger son has moved out and to be honest, it’s bliss now.

DoloresDelEriba · Today 10:33

It sounds as if she she shouldn’t even be having a baby, let alone moving in with you. That’s the advice she needs. You need to say no and tell her not to have the baby.

Crucible · Today 10:33

If she moves in,baby 2 will be along quick sharp...

RoseField1 · Today 10:34

DannyOD · Today 10:32

Well it’s bit late now as she is pregnant. No point in saying this to her now. Neither of my DD’s are in a position to move out so I am just trying my best to help them b

Show quote history

Of course they are in a position to move out. It won't be easy but they are two adults with capacity to work and pay rent so they can move out. What is their work situation? Do you own a property so could be a guarantor for them?

PollyBell · Today 10:35

topcat2014 · Today 10:33

26 is not 16. If they all stay with you, the relationship will not survive. They need to grow up - but of course you would be there in the event of disasters.

They have months to plan

Well the relationship survive anyway but the daughter is old enough to get pregnant she is old enough to live independently

backformoreofthesame · Today 10:35

sound like you will have to have the baby with you but the boyfriend is a big no

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