AIBU to hesitate about daughter, boyfriend and baby moving in?

I agree with others that 26year old needs to move out with boyfriend and make a sensible plan. What does BF do? What does DD1 do for work? Maybe you could support them by giving them some money towards a rental deposit as a one off. I’d imagine if on low incomes they would be eligible for UC.
I think your DD2 is valid in her objections. Supporting DD1 doesn’t have to mean housing her bf and baby at the expense of your other DD (and frankly everyone’s sanity!)

The daughter is already living there, she's never left. She got pregnant while living with OP. The baby has effectively also moved in already 😂

The question's whether to let the lazy irritating boyfriend move in as well to play at families, while driving out the younger sister.

This 100%. They have taken the decision to creat a new life, now they have to step up and care for it, in their own home. This new baby should be growing up in its own stable home.

I’d let my dd, her partner and baby move in as they will need support. If dd2 doesn’t like it she can move out. Or possibly if I was very worried about dd2 or if i really disliked boyfriend i might say for dd1 and baby to live with me and boyfriend live at his parents.

Sorry but why on earth were your DD and her bf even trying for a baby if they didn’t even have anywhere to live? It makes me question what advice and guidance you were giving them as a parent, I would have categorically told my daughter that you don’t plan to start a family until you at least have your own roof over your head, it’s ridiculous!

And even more ridiculous that you’re even considering letting them move in, they both need to grow up, if they can’t afford to buy then maybe help them by giving them a deposit for a rental but it’s not your problem, they’ve decided to bring another life into the world just expecting you to let them bring the child up in your house, at the age of 26 that’s insane. Are they even on the council housing waiting list? You’ve made it sound like they have no intention of finding their own accommodation unless you’re just missing information out of your post.

Think you need a reality check in all
honesty, I feel sorry for your other daughter

I'm don't think OP is coming back. I think most of us have very different views around this to be fair.

You haven't said what your husband thinks.

Why does the boyfriend need to move in as well? I’ve been in this position it doesn’t end well.

I think it's one thing to step up and take in an adult child's family unit after losing their home or something. That I would do in a heartbeat.

But to let a partner move in, (who you don't even like and who another family member hates enough to move out), when neither of them appears to have ever left the parental homes just seems like madness to me.

If they want to live together, they need to figure out how to do it independently.

They never step up. Babies don't transform them into princes - they go the other way: gaming, handing baby to mum every time it cries, etc. If he is to live in your house you need to set the rules now - how much he contributes in 'rent', daily chores, expectations around meals and cooking, laundry, smoking. Be on the front foot about this.

I’d suggest daughter and baby still stay with you and boyfriend welcome at weekends.
hopefully they will get organised and work towards their own place.
I wouldn’t have a man staying full time that could make your other daughter uncomfortable.
definitely yes to daughter and baby being welcome as long as they need.

It's yout house @DannyOD and you and your dh can invite anyone you like to live in it with you. Any adults who dont like that can leave.

No to BF moving in.

You need to choose. Although it sounds as if you've already chosen.

I personally wouldn't move a man who one of the household actively dislikes. A new family unit, although quite the novelty at first will grate on you at some point. Don't be blinded by a newborn. You can be helpful at their own house.

What a ridiculous set up.
Of course they shouldn’t be living with you. They all sound about 12.

I hope they all work.

Cocklodging!

Your eldest dd needs to move out. I would be helping her find somewhere nice to rent. I would absolutely not have her bf move in, that’s not fair on any of you and is simply a disaster waiting to happen.

No I wouldn’t be moving in a lazy loud man who one of my daughters dislikes. Your other daughter needs to move out with her BF and baby. They should have ideally planned this a bit better and waited until they’d moved out before TTC.

Obviously it’s happened now so I’d be helping them to find a place. He can stay where he is and then visit. Once he’s in there’ll be no going back.

can they actually afford to support a child? Are they both working?

Very unfair to D2 - she really dislikes D1 boyfriend and add to that a newborn with all the disruption that brings …..and D2 has her own challenges too.
Could easily be a disaster!

Is there a reason they can’t live independently? I would support my child if they were alone but your DD has a partner.

I’m 26, the same age as your DD1, and wouldn’t dream of moving my boyfriend into my parents home and expecting to have my baby there. I have two DC, my first at 21 and second end of last year and I moved out with my now fiance at 20 and bought our home at 21(he was 24, none of us had crazy money), otherwise I never would have had a child at that point. Now don’t get me wrong I know that’s not the norm and accidents happen, but she’s not 16, to me at 26 years old if you’re going to put yourself in a position where pregnancy is possible you need to be able to step up and provide a space to raise your child without relying on living with your parents and disrupting others lives (not necessarily you as I know you stated you’d love it, but definitely disruption to your DD2). I’d put a pin in it, before you agree to anything they have 8/9months to try and do something for themselves and their soon to be child, if they genuinely exhaust all options and still haven’t managed then let them temporarily move in with the expectation that it isn’t long term, otherwise your DD2 is the one having to uplift herself or be uncomfortable when she hasn’t done anything.

Its a hard one as I would want to help my daughter. But they're not young at 26, they've been together for ages so why cant they get their own place? If they cant afford it are they going to struggle to afford a baby?
Could you maybe set a 12 month timescale to live with you so they can save up and tell your younger daughter its short term. Also you need to tell the boyfriend to be quieter not just for your daughter but for when the baby arrives

You arent helping any of them. This man needs a kick up the arse to provide a home for hid family and grow up. Is he even working? Im sure he'd love to cocklodge at your house and sit on his backside and be looked after.
Id say absolutely not, daughter and baby only and get her on the council waiting list.
I was a mum at 21 and had a full time job, went on to become an RN a few years later. I rented a flat and bought my own small home a few years later.
I had no family living in the country at that time. It made me independant and made me grow up fast.

They can move in with his parents!

They've never even lived together but have decided to have a baby.....without even being able to look after themselves?
Erm. No. Would be my answer. If I ever have grandchildren I would love to be hands on. But not under my own roof. The aim of parenting is to raise individuals who have the skills to go out into the big wide world and survive.
If they cant even afford to rent a cheap place together, they certainly won't be able to once they have a child!!
Nope nope and nope. Off they pop.