AIBU to hesitate about daughter, boyfriend and baby moving in?

It’s not acceptable to trample on DD2’s consent to having a non related male move in.

DD1 can move back in with the baby whilst they sort the longer term solution out.

Where’s the incentive to step up if they live with you so you can pick up slack with baby, housekeeping, money etc?

why don't you try to explain. why do they need to get married? or do you not realise that in this century it's perfectly acceptable to have a baby without a marriage.

Or let the government fix it all that seems the answer to not using contraception

My gut reaction, too.

Another 'band aid' baby brought into the world in hopes it will magically sort out the relationship issues and/or the guy as a human being.

That said, no, do not let the boyfriend move in. That's grossly unfair to your DD2 who is AudADHD and already has issues with him being in her space occasionally. You would literally be choosing DD1 over DD2 if you do this as she will be forced to move out into another inappropriate home environment (elderly grandparent) as that's all she can afford now. And she hasn't done anything 'wrong' to deserve this, while your DD1 has been very irresponsible getting pregnant with a boyfriend she doesn't live with, hasn't treated her well historically, and will need your financial and housing support to raise the baby. But go on ... think about having DD2 pay the price for all that and watch her go.

I agree with this.

DD2 is vulnerable because of her autism. Change is very hard for many NT people. It will be hard enough for her to cope with living with a baby in the house, bringing the BF into the home as well could well be more than she can bear.

The way to help them is to help them find accommodation of their own. Not to facilitate their poor planning.

They really need their own space to build their own family unit. If they stay with you, the dynamic will be really tricky.

Try and explain things. They are starting a family and having children. So..... get married.

News to me too, and I worked in homeless prevention and resettlement for several years, in 3 different council areas.

What they do in my county is recommend people to a local charity that gives loans for rent in advance and deposit.

I get why you’re stuck in the middle here but I do think it’s unfair on your younger daughter to be pushed out of her home (adult or not) because of a lifestyle choice her older sister has made. That said, I would allow your older daughter to live at home with her baby but without her twat boyfriend. Because my “we will always have a place for you in this home” policy applies to all of my children.

This.

Do they work?

Try not to be deliberately obtuse.

This is a wild idea. I get that you want to help DD1 but you would be doing so at the expense of DD2, and that relationship could fracture beyond repair.

If DD1 and her bf can't afford a place together then absolutely have DD1 move back but not her bf, no way - and especially no way with DD2's feelings about him.

How does that change anything?

Is your daughter moving in with your mum a realistic option?

Yes, I agree. I would be expecting them to take advantage of the opportunity to save for a house or at least a buffer for when they do leave not take advantage to have a baby, on hand childcare and extra fun money. I would givevthem a time limit and stick to it. This would also be reassuring to dd2.
I would also have a word on the quiet to dd1 regarding her sister and that her space needs to be respected.

You can help her by allowing her and baby to stay. Her boyfriend can stay at his parents’ and save up for a rent deposit.

I agree, a 18 year old finding out they were pregnant is completely different to this situation. She basically has a lazy 26 year old living at home with mummy and daddy, that’s got knocked up and now wants to stay forever and bring the equally lazy boyfriend with her. I wonder who will be dealing with this baby 90% of the time? The OP and her younger sister no doubt which is probably why she’s so against it!

Both daughters should be moving out and why should DD2 be dictating it's not even her house

Oh dear not a great situation. You don’t say what DD1 does for work or her BF Are they working? Did you advise her not to get back with a liar and a cheater? It seems she has a lot of growing up to do and should probably listen to her younger sister who can see straight through him. I wouldn’t let him move into your home. Your priority is BOTH daughters. If DD1 then moves out that’s her choice and probably for the best. She will be home soon enough when it all falls apart.

Do not move this lazy fecker in, you'll never get rid of him.

I think most posters have missed that pregnant DD already lives with the OP. I don't know why she would get pregnant in these circumstances.

DD1 can either stay with you, with the baby - or she can move to his parents so she can live with him.

The only person I feel sorry for is this situation is your other daughter. A baby is disruptive (I had two - one is still a baby)! Two parents choosing to have a family in their own home is completely different to them living in their mothers home with another sibling and expecting everyone to suffer with sleepless nights, taking on childcare, the mess that babies make - the sick, shit, toys, food everywhere. Then you have all the equipment and space they take up too. God forbid the baby has colic as well, because that’s a whole other nightmare on its own.

Your eldest is a big girl now, she’s a mother and both of them need to step up and provide a home for their child. It would be different if they were living with you temporarily while they were waiting for a house to complete or a tenancy to start but to just have them there with no sign of them going is wrong in my opinion.

It sounds like you value the baby and the lay about boyfriend more than your youngest daughter and that’s a real shame.

I agree that it isn't for dd1 to dictate. But the OP herself doesn't like the boyfriend so that changes things for me a bit.

I would take pregnant daughter in with baby and let the younger one stay with her grandma. I feel like if you want to and can support her with newborn then that’s such a once in a lifetime experience to be part of your grandchild’s life. Your younger daughter is definitely old enough to move out now so shouldn’t be dictating the support you are able to offer to DD1 in a major time of need.